In many countries, the government spends a large amount of money on arts. Some people agree with it, others think governments should spend more on healthcare and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
It is sometimes argued that government spending on the arts is justified, while opponents believe that health and education should take priority. In this essay, I will examine both perspectives and explain why I support the latter view. There are several reasons why proponents consider governments should invest in the arts. The most compelling relates to cultural identity. Art, in its various forms, is widely regarded as a cornerstone of culture. For instance, meticulous calligraphy is a hallmark of Chinese culture, while the dynamic Haka dance is unique to the people of New Zealand. This suggests that government investment in the arts is an effort to preserve cultural heritage. Additionally, artists can generate economic benefits. K-pop singers, for example, contribute millions of dollars to the South Korean economy each year through tours, album sales, and brand endorsements. This success is often attributed to the Korean government’s early investments in nurturing artistic talent and supporting arts activities. However, opponents believe healthcare and education systems should take precedence for two key reasons. First and foremost, health investment directly improves quality of life. Funds can be allocated to research for new treatments or to promote healthier lifestyles. Japan is often regarded as having one of the highest standards of living owing to its advanced public healthcare system and the active lifestyles of its elderly population. Moreover, investing in education can significantly foster economic growth. A prime example is China, which has devoted a considerable portion of its GDP to improving educational facilities and teacher training over the past few decades. These investments have yielded substantial results, as Chinese graduates have made significant contributions to technological and managerial advancements, driving their economy forward. In conclusion, both sides of the argument have merit. Nevertheless, in my view, governments should prioritize healthcare and education due to their profound impact on citizens’ quality of life and the national economy. Once people are healthy and economically secure, they may become more inclined to support the arts, potentially reducing the financial burden on the government. Therefore, policymakers should devise a comprehensive financial plan to ensure adequate funding for health and educational initiatives.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct reporting pattern Original: proponents consider governments should invest Suggested revision: proponents believe that governments should invest Why it matters: “Consider” does not take a finite clause in this pattern, whereas “believe that” does.
- 2. Choose relevant modifier Original: meticulous Suggested revision: traditional Why it matters: “Traditional” connects the example to cultural identity more directly than “meticulous.”
- 3. Clarify reference Original: This suggests that government investment Suggested revision: These examples suggest that government investment Why it matters: The explicit reference makes the link to the two preceding cultural examples clearer.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: arts Suggested revision: artistic Why it matters: “Artistic activities” is the more natural adjective-noun combination.
- 5. Use precise phrase Original: health investment Suggested revision: investment in healthcare Why it matters: The prepositional phrase is more natural and matches the terminology used elsewhere.
- 6. Correct preposition Original: for Suggested revision: into Why it matters: “Research into” is the standard collocation when naming an area of investigation.
- 7. Clarify pronoun reference Original: driving their economy forward Suggested revision: driving the country's economy forward Why it matters: “Their” grammatically points to the graduates rather than clearly referring to China.
- 8. Maintain general reference Original: the financial burden on the government Suggested revision: the financial burden on governments Why it matters: The plural form is consistent with the essay’s general discussion of governments.
- 9. Use policy term Original: financial Suggested revision: funding Why it matters: “Funding plan” more precisely describes the allocation of public money.
- 10. Keep categories parallel Original: health and educational initiatives Suggested revision: healthcare and education initiatives Why it matters: Parallel nouns make the two policy areas consistent and clear.
Suggested Rewrites
- proponents consider governments should invest proponents believe that governments should invest
- meticulous traditional
- This suggests that government investment These examples suggest that government investment
- arts artistic
- health investment investment in healthcare
- for into
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response addresses both perspectives directly, sustains a clear preference, and develops its arguments with specific international examples and strong language control. The principal weakness is the absence of paragraph breaks, which obscures the otherwise logical stages of the discussion; the highest-priority improvement is to divide the introduction, opposing views, and conclusion into distinct, purposeful paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are fully addressed through relevant, well-developed reasons and examples.
Strengthen the final recommendation by tying the proposed funding plan more explicitly to the comparative argument made earlier.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has clear internal progression and effective signposting, but the entire response is presented as one paragraph.
Use separate paragraphs for the introduction, each major viewpoint, and the conclusion so the conceptual structure is immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, flexible, and precise, with effective topic-specific phrasing and only occasional awkward choices.
Replace constructions such as proponents consider governments should with more natural patterns while retaining the current lexical range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately, and the few awkward constructions do not impede communication.
Polish complement patterns after reporting verbs to make the remaining complex sentences fully natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, the government spends a large amount of money on arts. Some people agree with it, others think governments should spend more on healthcare and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.