Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many today are calling for a complete ban on tobacco related products due to their health effects. In my opinion, since tobacco offers few tangible benefits, such a prohibition would be justified.
Opponents of such a policy argue that it conflicts with individual and economic freedom. Firstly, individuals should have the right to live their life as they wish as long as they are not harming others. This is the basic tenet that underlies most democratic societies and smoking cigarettes falls firmly within this sphere of an individual’s rights. Secondly, there is an economic factor. Tobacco companies produce billions of cigarettes a year, providing employment and paying significant taxes throughout the process. If these companies were suddenly forced to declare bankruptcy and shut down, it would have catastrophic short-term effects on the economies of both developed and developing nations. The economic downsides alone could, temporarily, do more harm than good.
However, tobacco is an almost entirely harmful product in its effects. In contrast to other narcotics, such as caffeine, alcohol, and cannabis, there is no discernible sensation produced by smoking cigarettes or chewing tobacco. Tobacco contains nicotine, which is highly addictive and engenders a chemical dependency, and that is the reason it has become such a common habit. Moreover, there are meaningful health problems that for smokers as well as unintended parties through second-hand smoke. It is common for long-time smokers to suffer from a weakened immune system, conditions like emphysema, and increased risk for lung cancer. These maladies place an added burden on the health system and hospitals.
The limited benefits of cigarettes compared with the massive potential health costs for individuals and society justify the ban. Individuals have always had to sacrifice elements of freedom in order to ensure greater security and this issue is only viewed differently for historical reasons.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add missing noun Original: Many today Suggested revision: Many people today Why it matters: Many needs a noun here to identify the group being discussed.
- 2. Match plural reference Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural subject individuals requires the plural noun lives.
- 3. Use concise phrasing Original: this sphere of an individual’s rights Suggested revision: the sphere of individual rights Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the category of rights more naturally and concisely.
- 4. Remove redundant wording Original: an almost entirely harmful product in its effects Suggested revision: an almost entirely harmful product Why it matters: The phrase in its effects repeats the meaning already conveyed by harmful.
- 5. Choose accurate category Original: narcotics Suggested revision: substances Why it matters: Substances is the appropriate general category for the varied examples listed.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: engenders a chemical dependency Suggested revision: causes chemical dependence Why it matters: Causes chemical dependence is the more natural expression in this context.
- 7. Correct risk phrase Original: increased risk for lung cancer Suggested revision: an increased risk of lung cancer Why it matters: Risk normally takes of, and the singular count phrase needs an article.
- 8. Avoid category overlap Original: the health system and hospitals Suggested revision: the healthcare system Why it matters: Hospitals are already part of the healthcare system, so listing both is redundant.
- 9. Use concise verb Original: calling for a complete ban Suggested revision: advocating a complete ban Why it matters: Advocating expresses public support for the ban more directly.
- 10. Clarify paired ideas Original: individual and economic freedom Suggested revision: individual freedom and economic interests Why it matters: Economic interests more accurately describes the employment and tax concerns developed later.
- 11. Signal the next point Original: there is an economic factor Suggested revision: there are also economic consequences Why it matters: The revision identifies the paragraph's next focus and links it to the preceding argument.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Moreover, there are meaningful health problems that for smokers as well as unintended parties through second-hand smoke. Suggested revision: Moreover, tobacco causes serious health problems for smokers as well as for non-smokers exposed to second-hand smoke. Why it matters: The original sentence is missing a verb after that and uses unintended parties unclearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- Many today Many people today
- life lives
- this sphere of an individual’s rights the sphere of individual rights
- an almost entirely harmful product in its effects an almost entirely harmful product
- narcotics substances
- engenders a chemical dependency causes chemical dependence
Why this response received Band 8.0
This response presents a clear, well-supported position and handles the opposing case with convincing economic and individual-freedom arguments before rebutting it through health and social costs. Its main limitation is that a few claims are asserted too broadly and several expressions contain small grammatical or collocational slips; the priority is to qualify contentious claims and polish those local errors while retaining the strong development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both the counterargument and the case for prohibition are relevant and well developed.
Qualify debatable assertions, especially the claim that tobacco produces no discernible sensation, to make the reasoning more precise.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a focused introduction, a substantial opposing case, a rebuttal, and a concise conclusion.
Make the final link between historical acceptance and the proposed ban more explicit so the conclusion follows even more tightly from the discussion.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced argument, with effective items such as tenet, engenders, catastrophic, and maladies.
Refine occasional awkward collocations, such as the phrasing around health problems for smokers, while preserving the natural academic register.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a wide range of complex structures accurately, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Proofread for isolated agreement and sentence-construction slips, including individuals living their lives and the malformed health-problems clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.