The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The society in which we are living has growing trend to watch movies and television programs. People seek enjoyment and relaxation by observing electronic media. In my opinion, Government should check the level of violence in movies and other electronic media programs because every scene puts some imprints in the brain. These pictures stay in memories and give impact on personality.
Violence has multiple impacts on human psychology. Kids choose to get guns and pistols in the form of toys after watching violence on media screen. Some young boys seek pleasure by copying this sort of crimes in real life being impressed by their heroes. Middle aged ladies become frightened while thinking of their family members living in this society that is having an unusual show of violent episodes. Old guys become depressed after observing brutal clips on the cinema screen.
On the other hand, some portion of viewers has a propensity to enjoy and relaxation after seeing episodes of thrill and war. Clips without violence are not palatable to them. The majority of these people are mature enough, they don’t copy this stuff in their real life. They watch the movies, make their brain relaxed and then forget the events.
In short, Government should make strict policy to control the activity of media. Violent episodes may be there but only for the sake of the thrill. The lesson of the story should be very constructive and informative.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural viewing verb Original: observing electronic media Suggested revision: watching screen-based media Why it matters: Watching is the natural verb for television and film content.
- 2. Add article and lowercase Original: In my opinion, Government should Suggested revision: In my opinion, the government should Why it matters: A general reference to the government requires the definite article and a lowercase common noun.
- 3. Use precise policy verb Original: check Suggested revision: regulate Why it matters: Regulate accurately describes government control over media content.
- 4. Name the content precisely Original: electronic media programs Suggested revision: television programmes Why it matters: Television programmes is the clearer and more natural term for the content described.
- 5. Correct the expression Original: puts some imprints in the brain Suggested revision: leaves an impression on the mind Why it matters: Leave an impression on the mind is the natural expression for a lasting psychological effect.
- 6. Clarify whose memories Original: stay in memories Suggested revision: remain in viewers' memories Why it matters: The possessive noun identifies the people whose memories retain the images.
- 7. Use direct impact verb Original: give impact on personality Suggested revision: affect personality Why it matters: Affect is the natural verb for describing an influence on personality.
- 8. Use natural plural noun Original: impacts Suggested revision: effects Why it matters: Effects is the more natural countable noun for several psychological consequences.
- 9. Match singular form Original: crimes Suggested revision: crime Why it matters: This sort of must be followed by a singular noun.
- 10. Show cause clearly Original: in real life being impressed by their heroes Suggested revision: in real life because they are influenced by their heroes Why it matters: The finite because-clause expresses the intended causal relationship grammatically.
- 11. Use neutral formal term Original: ladies Suggested revision: women Why it matters: Women is the neutral formal term for the group described.
- 12. Use simple possession Original: this society that is having Suggested revision: a society that has Why it matters: The simple present has is required for possession or a stable characteristic.
Suggested Rewrites
- observing electronic media watching screen-based media
- In my opinion, Government should In my opinion, the government should
- check regulate
- electronic media programs television programmes
- puts some imprints in the brain leaves an impression on the mind
- stay in memories remain in viewers' memories
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s clearest strength is its consistent support for government control, with logically separated discussion of harmful effects and an opposing view. However, several claims are generalized or stereotyped, the counterargument is only briefly evaluated, and the response falls slightly below the expected length. The highest priority is to develop one or two precise, well-explained links between media violence, criminal behaviour, and effective regulation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a relevant position and presents arguments on both sides, but support is uneven and sometimes generalized.
Explain more precisely how exposure could lead to violent crime and how the proposed controls would reduce that outcome.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph structure and overall progression are clear, although some connections within sentences are mechanical or loosely expressed.
Use clearer logical links when moving from examples about different age groups to the central claim about crime and regulation.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but recurrent collocation and register problems reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace awkward phrases such as give impact, some portion of viewers, and old guys with accurate formal alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, sentence boundaries, and word forms weaken control.
Prioritise accurate clause construction and article use, then proofread each complex sentence for agreement and complete grammatical patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.