Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some feel that scientific research should be conducted by governments instead of private entities. I am largely in disagreement with this sentiment since the risks for public health entailed do not outweigh the competencies of corporations.
Those in favor of state control over research argue governments are not motivated to generate revenue. Companies are inherently concerned with amassing capital and maximizing returns for shareholders and equity partners. An illustrative example of the threat here would be the opioid crisis currently ravaging the United States. Purdue, a privately-owned pharmaceutical manufacturer, produced a pill with knowledge of its extremely addictive properties and intentionally misled the public. The results have been millions of deaths and rising addiction rates to opioids such as heroin. In contrast, the government is able to prioritize public health since they do not have to earn a profit.
However, the example above is an extreme exception as most companies are motivated to innovate and contribute to the public good. The examples of this behavior abound though they are less likely to receive excessive media attention. Such breakthroughs include medicines such as the vaccine for Covid-19 developed by Pfizer and the technologies that companies such as Apple, Google, and Samsung have pioneered in recent decades. These private companies are able to hire and pay the best employees and are often led by visionary leaders who are driven to excel and overcome competition from other firms. The corporate environment creates the catalyst for scientists and researchers to develop transformative devices and make discoveries that benefit the general citizenry.
In conclusion, although companies are likely to pursue profits at all costs, they are also more motivated to innovate. The role of government is therefore to contain the worst excesses of the corporate world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a direct stance Original: largely in disagreement Suggested revision: largely disagree Why it matters: The direct verb form is more concise and natural.
- 2. Improve word order Original: risks for public health entailed Suggested revision: public-health risks involved Why it matters: The revision places the modifier naturally and avoids the awkward final participle.
- 3. Choose precise wording Original: competencies Suggested revision: capabilities Why it matters: Capabilities more naturally describes what corporations can achieve in research.
- 4. Add reporting conjunction Original: argue governments are not motivated Suggested revision: argue that governments are not motivated Why it matters: That makes the reported clause boundary explicit and easier to read.
- 5. Remove unnecessary hyphen Original: privately-owned Suggested revision: privately owned Why it matters: An adverb ending in -ly is not hyphenated with the following participle.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: rising addiction rates to opioids Suggested revision: rising rates of addiction to opioids Why it matters: Rates of addiction is the natural noun pattern.
- 7. Match pronoun and subject Original: the government is able to prioritize public health since they do not have Suggested revision: governments are able to prioritize public health since they do not have Why it matters: The plural subject agrees with they and preserves the general reference.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: extreme Suggested revision: rare Why it matters: Rare exception is the conventional collocation for an unusual case.
- 9. Mark the contrast Original: examples of this behavior abound though Suggested revision: examples of this behavior abound, though Why it matters: A comma separates the main clause from the contrasting clause introduced by though.
- 10. Fix mixed metaphor Original: creates the catalyst Suggested revision: provides the conditions Why it matters: The revision avoids the awkward combination of create and catalyst.
- 11. Use natural wording Original: citizenry Suggested revision: public Why it matters: General public is the more idiomatic term for citizens collectively.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Such breakthroughs include medicines such as the vaccine for Covid-19 developed by Pfizer and the technologies that companies such as Apple, Google, and Samsung have pioneered in recent decades. Suggested revision: Such breakthroughs include Pfizer's Covid-19 vaccine as well as technologies pioneered in recent decades by companies such as Apple, Google, and Samsung. Why it matters: The rewrite balances the two examples and removes repetitive such as phrasing.
Suggested Rewrites
- largely in disagreement largely disagree
- risks for public health entailed public-health risks involved
- competencies capabilities
- argue governments are not motivated argue that governments are not motivated
- privately-owned privately owned
- rising addiction rates to opioids rising rates of addiction to opioids
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response takes a clear, nuanced position and develops both the public-health risk and private-sector innovation arguments with relevant, specific examples. Its main limitation is occasional overstatement or imprecision, such as the scale claimed for opioid deaths, which slightly weakens the otherwise persuasive reasoning. The highest-priority refinement is to qualify factual claims and make the final comparison between governmental oversight and corporate control even more explicit.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and both sides are explored through well-developed, relevant arguments and specific examples.
Strengthen the final judgement by explicitly distinguishing government regulation from direct government control of research.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, and cohesion is handled smoothly with clear referencing and contrast.
Make the transition into the conclusion slightly more explicit by briefly synthesising the relative weight of the two arguments.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible, with effective topic-specific language and only occasional imprecise phrasing or overstatement.
Qualify factual claims and replace slightly inflated wording with the most exact term available.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and naturally, with only rare minor lapses that do not affect communication.
Refine pronoun agreement and reference, particularly when referring to singular collective nouns such as government.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.