Creative artists like painter and musicians should be financially supported by the government. However, some people disagree with this and say that those artists should support their own financing or should be funded by alternative sources. Which viewpoint do you support?
Sample Response
Certain People thinks that the innovative people like painter and musician deserve financial backup from the local government. Opponents, opinion is they should be financed from other sources. However, I believe these innovators should be backed up by the local administration and following that other source like- Private Company should come for their future betterment.
The innovation and creation do not come in a day. It needs a lot of time, labour and creative minds. The creative personals need a continuous financial backup and platform to march independently. Thereby only government can give them a continuous source of income and fund for their works to go ahead to enrich their creation. As an example, an earlier painter like, Pablo Picasso and others’ work were backed up by the administration of that time. This is one of the two reasons that the government should finance for the innovator.
Another reason is that to develop a unique creation the singer or painter both needs a sound mind. If their minds remain engaged with the source of their working money or about their own wages, they will not be able to expand their creativity in full swing. But until become a renowned person the private source doesn’t provide any fund to them. As an instance, a new singer like my aunt Jordan had to struggle a lot to achieve a financial backup for her first album. But luckily she had got a fund from the local cultural ministry after passing through a complex process.
In conclusion, artists from different levels needs financial backing for the future contribution. Therefore, I strongly believe that to enrich the country in terms of art an innovator first needs finance of government and then from other sources to enrich their creation. This approach will create more and more famous artist and singer in the history of art.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use possessive form Original: Opponents, opinion Suggested revision: Opponents’ opinion Why it matters: The opinion belongs to the opponents, so a possessive apostrophe is required.
- 2. Add content conjunction Original: is they should Suggested revision: is that they should Why it matters: The noun clause after ‘is’ requires the conjunction ‘that’.
- 3. Match plural reference Original: It needs Suggested revision: They need Why it matters: The pronoun refers to the two nouns ‘innovation and creation’, so it must be plural.
- 4. Correct people noun Original: personals Suggested revision: professionals Why it matters: ‘Personnel’ or ‘professionals’ refers to people; ‘personals’ has a different meaning.
- 5. Use natural support phrase Original: continuous financial backup and platform to march independently Suggested revision: consistent financial backing and freedom to work independently Why it matters: The revision uses natural terms for sustained funding and artistic independence.
- 6. Add article and linker Original: Thereby only government Suggested revision: Therefore, only the government Why it matters: The government requires the definite article, and ‘therefore’ correctly signals the result.
- 7. Use uncountable funding Original: fund for their works Suggested revision: funding for their work Why it matters: ‘Funding’ and ‘work’ are uncountable in this general meaning.
- 8. Clarify creative progress Original: go ahead to enrich their creation Suggested revision: continue developing their work Why it matters: This phrase states the intended creative progress naturally.
- 9. Correct finance pattern Original: finance for the innovator Suggested revision: finance innovators Why it matters: The verb ‘finance’ takes the person or activity directly as its object.
- 10. Fix coordination and agreement Original: the singer or painter both needs Suggested revision: singers and painters both need Why it matters: ‘Both’ requires two coordinated plural groups and a plural verb.
- 11. Use funding phrase Original: source of their working money Suggested revision: funding for their work Why it matters: The original phrase is not idiomatic and obscures the intended financial concern.
- 12. Keep complements parallel Original: or about their own wages Suggested revision: or their own wages Why it matters: The preposition ‘about’ breaks the parallel structure after ‘engaged with’.
Suggested Rewrites
- Opponents, opinion Opponents’ opinion
- is they should is that they should
- It needs They need
- personals professionals
- continuous financial backup and platform to march independently consistent financial backing and freedom to work independently
- Thereby only government Therefore, only the government
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay maintains a clear preference for government support and offers two relevant reasons, including the time required for creative work and the distraction caused by financial insecurity. Its main limitation is that development becomes repetitive and the role of alternative funding is barely examined, while frequent language errors reduce precision. The priority is to explain why public funding is more reliable than private finance and express each reason in clear, controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A relevant position favouring government funding is maintained and supported by two reasons, but the reasoning is repetitive and the proposed secondary role for private finance is underdeveloped.
Compare public and private funding directly, explaining why government support should come first and how alternative sources could contribute later.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognisable introduction, two-reason body, and conclusion, though progression within paragraphs is sometimes mechanical or unclear.
Give each body paragraph one distinct claim, followed by an explanation, a credible example, and a sentence linking it to the funding position.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient to discuss art and finance, but frequent inaccurate choices such as 'creative personals,' 'financial backup,' and 'working money' limit clarity.
Use precise terms such as 'artists,' 'financial support,' 'funding,' 'creative work,' and 'living expenses.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, word forms, and clause construction reduce control.
Check every subject-verb pair and build shorter complete sentences, for example 'Artists need reliable funding because creative work takes time.'
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Creative artists like painter and musicians should be financially supported by the government. However, some people disagree with this and say that those artists should support their own financing or should be funded by alternative sources. Which viewpoint do you support?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.