Some people think that governments should pay for education and health care, while others believe that it is not their responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Opinions are divided on whether the funding of essential public services, namely education and healthcare, should be the exclusive responsibility of the state or individuals should bear a portion of the cost. While state funding is fundamental, I believe a hybrid model that includes individual contributions is ultimately more sustainable and fosters greater accountability.
Proponents of state-funded education and healthcare argue that it is a fundamental government duty essential for a just and prosperous society. The primary argument is the assurance of equal access for all social groups. State funding effectively removes financial barriers, thereby providing equal opportunities for individuals from disadvantaged backgrounds. For instance, publicly funded hospitals and schools ensure that low-income families can receive necessary medical treatment and quality education, which can be a cornerstone of promoting social equity. Furthermore, this investment is believed to be crucial for national development. This is because a healthy and well-educated populace logically leads to higher productivity and greater innovation, fueling long-term economic growth, as exemplified by Nordic countries which invest heavily in these sectors and consistently rank high in living standards.
Despite this, I strongly believe that individuals should bear some responsibility for these services for several reasons. Chief among these is that fully free systems risk inefficiency or excessive demand, which can severely strain public budgets and, consequently, reduce service quality. This is evident in the overcrowded public hospitals seen in many Asian developing nations, where limited resources directly result in longer waiting times. Moreover, requiring individuals to contribute financially can encourage personal responsibility and choice. When people contribute, they arguably value services more and make more informed decisions. This increased awareness can foster personal accountability and a more efficient use of resources, reducing dependency on public funding.
In conclusion, while the state has a vital obligation to fund healthcare and education to guarantee universal access and drive national advancement, in my opinion, this responsibility need not be absolute. The most effective and sustainable model is a balanced one, where government provision of essential services is supplemented by individual contributions to ensure long-term viability and promote personal responsibility.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete parallel structure Original: or individuals should bear Suggested revision: or whether individuals should bear Why it matters: Repeating 'whether' makes the two alternatives grammatically parallel.
- 2. Clarify clause structure Original: a fundamental government duty essential for Suggested revision: a fundamental government duty that is essential for Why it matters: Adding the relative clause prevents two modifiers from being compressed awkwardly together.
- 3. Use concise phrasing Original: The primary argument is the assurance of equal access Suggested revision: The primary argument concerns ensuring equal access Why it matters: The revision expresses the point more directly and naturally.
- 4. Correct the expression Original: cornerstone Suggested revision: means Why it matters: 'A cornerstone of promoting' is an unnatural combination, while 'a means of promoting' fits the intended relationship.
- 5. Clarify the reference Original: this investment is believed to be crucial Suggested revision: such public investment is crucial Why it matters: The revised demonstrative phrase refers clearly to state funding for both services.
- 6. Avoid overstating causation Original: logically leads to Suggested revision: can lead to Why it matters: 'Can lead to' presents the causal link accurately without the unnecessary adverb.
- 7. Mark nonessential clause Original: Nordic countries which invest Suggested revision: Nordic countries, which invest Why it matters: The descriptive relative clause about Nordic countries should be set off with a comma.
- 8. Clarify the risks Original: fully free systems risk inefficiency or excessive demand Suggested revision: fully free systems risk becoming inefficient or generating excessive demand Why it matters: The revised parallel verbs state clearly how each risk can arise.
- 9. Use the precise noun Original: the overcrowded public hospitals seen Suggested revision: the hospital overcrowding seen Why it matters: The issue being illustrated is overcrowding rather than the hospitals themselves.
- 10. Correct adjective order Original: Asian developing nations Suggested revision: developing Asian nations Why it matters: Development status normally precedes the geographical adjective in this noun phrase.
- 11. Strengthen the reference Original: This increased awareness can foster Suggested revision: This greater engagement can foster Why it matters: 'Engagement' refers more accurately to valuing services and making informed decisions in the previous sentence.
- 12. Use standard noun form Original: dependency Suggested revision: dependence Why it matters: 'Dependence' is the more standard noun for reliance in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- or individuals should bear or whether individuals should bear
- a fundamental government duty essential for a fundamental government duty that is essential for
- The primary argument is the assurance of equal access The primary argument concerns ensuring equal access
- cornerstone means
- this investment is believed to be crucial such public investment is crucial
- logically leads to can lead to
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response presents a sophisticated, well-balanced discussion with a consistent hybrid position, fully developed explanations, and highly controlled academic language. Its main limitation is minor imprecision in a few collocations and some repetition of ideas about responsibility and sustainability. The priority is to sharpen these formulations and make the opposing view's claim that funding is not a state responsibility slightly more explicit.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a nuanced personal position are fully addressed through relevant, extended, and convincing reasoning.
Make the argument for minimal government responsibility more explicit before presenting the preferred hybrid model.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is sequenced seamlessly, with clear paragraph purposes and well-controlled cohesive devices throughout.
Trim small repetitions of responsibility and sustainability to make the progression even more economical.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is extensive and precise, though a few combinations are slightly awkward or formulaic.
Refine phrases such as 'a cornerstone of promoting social equity' to achieve consistently natural precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are varied, flexible, and highly accurate, with only rare minor lapses.
Polish occasional overloaded sentences by simplifying embedded clauses while preserving the sophisticated argument.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that governments should pay for education and health care, while others believe that it is not their responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.