Education for young people is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education in adult populations who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Formal schooling for the young is of immense significance for a country’s socio-economic development, however, some people are convinced that more money should be allocated for educating illiterate adults. I agree with this view to some extent and will analyse the issue in the following essay.
On the one hand, government budgets in many countries, particularly in under-developed and developing nations, are limited. Therefore, if more funding is spent on improving adult literacy rates, the education of children and adolescents may suffer as a consequence of less funding. Eventually, maintaining a suitable level and quality of education, for both children and illiterate adults, may become an impossible task with limited funding, possibly negatively affecting the education of both groups.
However, due to a decrease in the number of blue-collar jobs, thanks to automatic processes, a large number of illiterate adults who work in such positions are being made redundant, and therefore increasing the unemployment rate due to their lack of literacy skills when searching for other types of work. This situation not only reduces the standard of living for many people, but is also an underlying motive for a rise in social problems, such as crime, homelessness, and poverty. Providing formal schooling to adults who cannot read or write proves to be a useful measure to reduce the negative consequences that may occur in a society with high levels of adult illiteracy.
In conclusion, state funding may not allow an adequate amount of money for the education of both the youth and adults to take effect. However, I still believe that if more money is spent on educating illiterate adults, social welfare in such regions will benefit tremendously.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix comma splice Original: development, however Suggested revision: development; however Why it matters: A semicolon is needed because the conjunctive adverb links two independent clauses.
- 2. Use natural preposition Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: Funds are more naturally described as being allocated to an activity.
- 3. Use standard spelling Original: under-developed Suggested revision: underdeveloped Why it matters: The closed form is the standard spelling in this context.
- 4. Clarify the causal link Original: as a consequence of less funding Suggested revision: because funding has been reduced Why it matters: The revision states the causal relationship more directly and avoids repeating funding awkwardly.
- 5. Improve the collocation Original: a suitable level and quality of education Suggested revision: an adequate standard of education Why it matters: Standard of education expresses the intended idea more naturally than level and quality together.
- 6. Make wording concise Original: possibly negatively affecting Suggested revision: potentially harming Why it matters: The replacement removes stacked adverbs while preserving the cautious claim.
- 7. Use the correct term Original: automatic processes Suggested revision: automation Why it matters: Automation is the appropriate term for technology replacing manual jobs.
- 8. Fix the result clause Original: , and therefore increasing Suggested revision: , thereby increasing Why it matters: Thereby correctly connects the redundancies with their resulting effect on unemployment.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: underlying motive for a rise Suggested revision: underlying cause of the rise Why it matters: A social problem has a cause rather than a motive.
- 10. Remove redundant wording Original: negative consequences that may occur Suggested revision: potential negative consequences Why it matters: Potential already conveys that the consequences may occur.
Suggested Rewrites
- development, however development; however
- for to
- under-developed underdeveloped
- as a consequence of less funding because funding has been reduced
- a suitable level and quality of education an adequate standard of education
- possibly negatively affecting potentially harming
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and develops a coherent case around budget constraints and the social benefits of adult literacy. Its main limitation is that some reasoning remains general and a few long or awkwardly constructed sentences reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to support each main claim with a more specific causal explanation or example while simplifying sentence structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question directly, maintains a clear qualified position, and develops relevant arguments on funding and social welfare.
Develop the budget argument with a concrete example or clearer explanation of how governments could balance competing educational priorities.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices generally linking the argument effectively.
Break up the extended third-paragraph sentence and use more precise internal referencing to make the progression easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently flexible academic vocabulary conveys the main ideas precisely despite several awkward collocations.
Replace imprecise phrases such as references to automatic processes and underlying motives with more natural, context-specific wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used successfully, although faulty coordination and sentence-boundary control create occasional strain.
Review long compound-complex sentences for clear clause relationships, especially where participle clauses follow coordinated verbs.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Education for young people is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education in adult populations who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.