Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists including painters, musicians, poets. However, other people think that is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The allocation of budget from the local authorities has been a public concern. Some suppose that the financial assistance from the government should be used to support artists, while others claim that it is a waste of money. From my perspective, the former idea is more reasonable.
Admittedly, the governmental funding on artists is widely perceived as a waste since the subsidies can hardly bring tangible benefits to the public. Compared with other fundamental priorities, such as education and medical care, the government financially supporting artists is not likely to essentially address livelihood issues. Considering the limited state budget, offering financial aid to painters, musicians and poets, without putting sufficient investments on other vital areas, may inevitably arouse public dissatisfaction.
However, from my point of view, the financial assistance provided for all kinds of artists is justified. For one thing, the government is supposed to shoulder the responsibility to satisfy public mental pursuit. With the improvement of people’s living standards, what the public actually pursue is not only material satisfaction but also enriched spiritual life, which means the local authorities should allocate subsidies to artists to ensure the production of fine arts. Once the financial burden on artists can be alleviated, more creative paintings, music and poems can be delivered rather than those profit-driven ones, and the audiences can accordingly gain spiritual pleasure. For another, the government should also spend money on promoting the development of culture industry and gaining recognition around the world. Due to the fact that different artistic expressions comprise the local cultural heritage, the funded artists can collectively contribute to maintaining the richness of art industry through dedicating to artworks and therefore local culture industry will boom and flourish.
Given the arguments above, although the government does need to balance between different aspects, I suppose artists deserve to be supported financially by the local authorities considering the positive impacts on the individuals and the whole society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: allocation of budget Suggested revision: allocation of public funds Why it matters: This phrase more naturally identifies the government money being distributed.
- 2. Use reporting verb Original: Some suppose that Suggested revision: Some people argue that Why it matters: This is a more natural way to introduce a viewpoint in an academic discussion.
- 3. Choose precise noun Original: idea Suggested revision: view Why it matters: View refers more precisely to the opinion presented in the preceding sentence.
- 4. Correct preposition Original: governmental funding on artists Suggested revision: government funding for artists Why it matters: Funding takes for when identifying its recipients.
- 5. Simplify noun phrase Original: the government financially supporting artists Suggested revision: government funding for artists Why it matters: The gerund construction is cumbersome in this comparison and is clearer as a noun phrase.
- 6. Use precise adverb Original: essentially Suggested revision: directly Why it matters: Directly expresses the intended contrast with immediate livelihood priorities more precisely.
- 7. Fix collocation Original: putting sufficient investments on Suggested revision: making sufficient investments in Why it matters: English uses make investments in rather than put investments on.
- 8. Improve collocation Original: shoulder the responsibility to satisfy Suggested revision: assume responsibility for meeting Why it matters: Responsibilities are naturally described as meeting needs rather than satisfying a pursuit.
- 9. Clarify intended meaning Original: public mental pursuit Suggested revision: the public's cultural and emotional needs Why it matters: The original phrase is not an idiomatic or clear description of non-material needs.
- 10. Fix subject agreement Original: pursue Suggested revision: pursues Why it matters: Public is treated as a singular collective noun in this sentence, so the verb needs the singular form.
- 11. Add article Original: enriched spiritual life Suggested revision: an enriched spiritual life Why it matters: The singular countable phrase requires an article here.
- 12. Use natural expression Original: production of fine arts Suggested revision: creation of art Why it matters: Creation is the natural noun for artists producing artistic work.
Suggested Rewrites
- allocation of budget allocation of public funds
- Some suppose that Some people argue that
- idea view
- governmental funding on artists government funding for artists
- the government financially supporting artists government funding for artists
- essentially directly
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position and develops a persuasive case for public support of artists, while also acknowledging the competing budgetary argument. Its main limitation is that several points remain general and some unnatural collocations reduce precision. The highest priority is to support each side with a more concrete example while choosing more idiomatic academic phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's opinion is clear, with the supporting position developed through two relevant reasons.
Add a specific example to each side and explore the opposing view beyond the general claim about essential services.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a clear introduction, contrasting body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Break up the longest explanatory sentences and reduce reliance on formulaic signposting to make progression more natural.
Lexical Resource
A broad academic vocabulary conveys the argument, but several collocations such as public mental pursuit and dedicating to artworks sound unnatural.
Prioritise idiomatic combinations such as cultural enrichment, investment in essential services, and devote themselves to producing art.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally good control, despite occasional agreement, article, and preposition errors.
Check agreement and noun phrasing carefully, especially in structures such as what the public pursues and the cultural industry.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists including painters, musicians, poets. However, other people think that is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.