Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists including painters, musicians and poets. However, other people think that this is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
WhetherWith the development of modern society, there has been a heated discussion about whether governments should offer financial support to all kinds of artists, including painters, musicians and poets. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and explain why I think this support can be reasonable if planned properly.
On the one hand, people who see public funding for artists as a waste have practical reasons. Governments already have limited budgetsbudget, and there are many more urgent public needs waiting to be paid for, such as improving rural educational facilitiesvillage schools and upgrading healthcare infrastructureadding more medical equipment in local hospitals. Besides, manya bunch of successful artists, such as prominent pop singerslike famous pop singers and top painters, can earn a substantial incomea number of income from their concerts, art sales and commercial projects. There is no need to use public money to subsidize them furthergive them extra help, when that money could be used to help more people in need.
On the other hand, many people argue that government support for artists is far from a waste. Most unknown artists, such as classical folk musicians and local poets, can hardly make enough money to support themselves.to support themselves concert. Without government assistance, many of these traditional and valuable art forms will gradually disappear, and the public will lose the chance to enjoy special local culture.
FromForm my point of view, government support for artists is not a waste of money, as long as most of the funding goes to those unknown and traditional artists, rather than established commercial artists.instead of already wealthy commercial stars. In this way, public money can help preserve cultural heritage and encourage artistic diversity, which benefits the whole society in the long run.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay presents a well-structured argument that directly addresses both sides of the debate and offers a clear, nuanced personal opinion. Its main strength lies in the logical development of ideas and relevant supporting examples. To reach a higher standard, the candidate should focus on refining vocabulary choices and eliminating minor typographical and grammatical errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses all parts of the prompt with a clear, well-supported position throughout.
Elaborate further on specific examples of traditional art forms to strengthen the supporting details.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and ideas progress smoothly across the text using appropriate cohesive devices.
Incorporate a wider variety of linking phrases beyond standard transitional expressions to enhance overall flow.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific vocabulary is used effectively, despite a few minor word choice inaccuracies.
Pay close attention to word collocations and countable versus uncountable noun pairings, such as correcting expressions related to income.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is used accurately with only rare minor slip-ups.
Proofread carefully to eliminate small typos and sentence fragment errors before finishing.