The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicines. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent to you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is sometimes argued that more money should be spent on preventive measures than treatments, as they are of greater importance. However, I would argue that cure and prevention are equally important when it comes to spending money in these areas. There are several reasons why it can be argued that government should spend money on tackling the causes of diseases. Cost-effectiveness is the key element when placing more importance on these initiatives. By allowing people to have access to these health monitoring strategies, governments can avoid the hefty priced hospitalised treatments or other extravagantly expensive medicines. Take the modified gene coding as an example, the technique of relocating genes in the DNA of human beings can help deliberately avoiding inherited lethal illnesses in newborns such as diabetes. In this way, not only the financial pressure on health care departments can be reduced, but also the painful suffering caused by these contagious sicknesses. Hence, an improved quality of life for those who take these measures is a better alternative. So, if government prioritises preventative approaches as a mandatory element in tackling health problems, people would surely be leading healthy lives in a near future. I also believe that spending on treatments or medicines has of proportionately equal importance as of managing causes. Some diseases are too fatal that cannot be left without an intensive, holistic and advanced treatment. For instance, carcinogenic patients would have never been recovered with ever greater speed today, if huge state budget were not invested to produce chemotherapy. Similarly, without enough government funds for the best possible treatments to vulnerable patients, people' life expectancy will be affected devastatingly. So both these departments should be given equal money to keep them going. In conclusion, governments have to make health reforms properly by investing equally in the cure and prevention of epidemic health illnesses in order to have better outcomes from health deprived people as well as ensuring a healthy and energetic living for them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Restore parallel structure Original: than treatments Suggested revision: than on treatments Why it matters: The repeated preposition makes the comparison with spending on preventive measures grammatical.
- 2. Use consistent terms Original: cure and prevention Suggested revision: treatment and prevention Why it matters: Treatment matches the terminology used in the task and the rest of the response.
- 3. Use plural government Original: government should spend Suggested revision: governments should spend Why it matters: The general claim requires the plural count noun or an article.
- 4. Use the right noun Original: hospitalised treatments Suggested revision: hospital treatments Why it matters: Hospitalised describes a patient, not a form of treatment.
- 5. Use concise terminology Original: modified gene coding Suggested revision: gene modification Why it matters: This phrase states the intended procedure more directly.
- 6. Correct the verb pattern Original: help deliberately avoiding Suggested revision: help prevent Why it matters: Help takes a base verb here rather than a gerund.
- 7. Use measured wording Original: lethal illnesses Suggested revision: serious illnesses Why it matters: Serious preserves the health-risk claim without implying that every listed condition is inevitably fatal.
- 8. Invert after not only Original: not only the financial pressure on health care departments can be reduced Suggested revision: not only can the financial pressure on healthcare departments be reduced Why it matters: Not only at the start of this clause requires auxiliary-subject inversion.
- 9. Complete the clause Original: but also the painful suffering caused by these contagious sicknesses Suggested revision: but the suffering caused by these illnesses can also be alleviated Why it matters: The original second half lacks a finite verb and is not parallel with the first clause.
- 10. Correct the article Original: in a near future Suggested revision: in the near future Why it matters: The fixed expression uses the definite article.
- 11. Repair the comparison Original: has of proportionately equal importance as of managing causes Suggested revision: is equally important as addressing causes Why it matters: The revision removes incorrect prepositions and forms a grammatical comparison.
- 12. Use so that Original: too fatal that cannot be left without Suggested revision: so serious that they cannot be left without Why it matters: So...that is the required result construction, and they supplies the missing subject.
Suggested Rewrites
- than treatments than on treatments
- cure and prevention treatment and prevention
- government should spend governments should spend
- hospitalised treatments hospital treatments
- modified gene coding gene modification
- help deliberately avoiding help prevent
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position that prevention and treatment deserve equal funding and offers a logical reason for supporting each area. Its main weakness is that several examples and claims are medically imprecise or only loosely connected to prevention, while frequent collocational and grammatical errors reduce clarity. Use accurate, directly relevant health examples and revise complex sentences for cleaner control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear partial-disagreement position is maintained and both prevention and treatment are discussed, but some supporting examples are inaccurate or weakly relevant.
Use one credible preventive-health example and one treatment example, explaining precisely how each supports the proposed funding balance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable introduction-to-conclusion sequence, but the absence of paragraph breaks and some mechanical linking weaken readability.
Separate the introduction, each main argument and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
There is a broad attempt at health-related and academic vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations and inaccurate word choices limit precision.
Prefer accurate combinations such as ‘costly hospital treatment’, ‘cancer patients’ and ‘prevent inherited disease’ over overly elaborate phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, yet frequent errors in verb patterns, agreement, articles and clause formation reduce control.
Simplify and proofread complex sentences, especially conditional, passive and correlative structures, to ensure each clause is grammatically complete.