Some people claim that the government should provide free health care. Others think that the government will not provide the most innovative methods of treatment and its better to invest those funds in education and culture. What is your opinion?
Sample Response
Since the authorities could not be able to provide cutting-edge technologies in treating the patient, some individuals argue that they should concentrate more on financing the sector of learning and culture as compared to providing free health care services. In my opinion, I agree with their concerns as well-educated citizens can participate proactively in the awareness of maintaining good health as well as preserving our art, literature, and traditions.
On the one hand, there are various reasons why a section of society considers that the government should allow people to avail themselves of health care services for free. Primarily, if a citizen is bound to pay all kinds of taxes to the nation, such as road tax, property tax, and many more, the respective authorities are also liable to provide their residents with good and medical care at no cost. To cite an example, a great health care authority, NHS in the United Kingdom provides free medical treatments to British nationals. Hence, it is undeniable that the medicinal benefits stand people in good stead as far as their augmenting prosperity is concerned.
On the other hand, I agree with those people who argue that if the administration cannot provide free health benefits for the grave diseases with state-of-the-art technologies, then the funds should be wisely invested in the development of culture as well as providing good educational facilities to every legal resident owing to several causative factors. Predominantly, as the educated nationals are the future of every country, basic learning should be given without taking the fees and financial support ought to be required in higher studies. If there are more educated citizens in a nation, they can make themselves as well as others fit and healthy by adopting the right kind of approach through studying more about health hazards and also prove an advantage in conducting research as well as finding remedies in fighting against severe illnesses. Apart from this, because a rich cultural heritage is an asset of any country to get intact with our history and roots, the appropriate funding in preserving our ancient art and the literature will undoubtedly prove beneficial in developing a unique identity in front of the world. Thus, the decisions of administration in managing investment play a vital role in developing a rich nation in education and cultural spheres.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that intellectual and cultural development is irrefutable in constructing a successful nation. However, the health criteria also play a significant role, provided if the government adopts a balanced approach in the welfare of their citizens.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix modal structure Original: could Suggested revision: might Why it matters: Could and be able to duplicate the same modal meaning in this clause.
- 2. Fix treatment phrase Original: technologies in treating the patient Suggested revision: technologies for treating patients Why it matters: For treating patients is the natural construction for describing the purpose of medical technology.
- 3. Use concise terms Original: financing the sector of learning and culture Suggested revision: funding education and culture Why it matters: The original wording is unnecessarily indirect and sector of learning is not idiomatic.
- 4. Clarify alternative Original: as compared to providing Suggested revision: rather than providing Why it matters: Rather than expresses the proposed choice between funding priorities more directly.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: In my opinion, I agree Suggested revision: I agree Why it matters: In my opinion and I agree duplicate the same stance marker.
- 6. Fix awkward expression Original: participate proactively in the awareness of maintaining good health Suggested revision: proactively raise awareness of maintaining good health Why it matters: People can raise awareness, whereas participate in awareness is not an idiomatic expression.
- 7. Use direct phrasing Original: allow people to avail themselves of health care services for free Suggested revision: provide people with free health care services Why it matters: The revision states the government's provision of care more directly and naturally.
- 8. Use causal link Original: if a citizen is bound to pay Suggested revision: because citizens are required to pay Why it matters: This clause gives the reason for the government's responsibility rather than setting a hypothetical condition.
- 9. Use precise recipient Original: nation Suggested revision: government Why it matters: Taxes are paid to the government rather than to the nation as an abstract entity.
- 10. Use formal wording Original: and many more Suggested revision: among others Why it matters: Among others is a more concise formal way to show that the list is incomplete.
- 11. Fix responsibility phrase Original: liable to provide their residents Suggested revision: responsible for providing their residents Why it matters: Responsible for providing expresses an obligation without the legal or negative connotations of liable.
- 12. Remove faulty conjunction Original: good and medical care Suggested revision: good medical care Why it matters: Good modifies medical care, so the adjectives should not be joined by and.
Suggested Rewrites
- could might
- technologies in treating the patient technologies for treating patients
- financing the sector of learning and culture funding education and culture
- as compared to providing rather than providing
- In my opinion, I agree I agree
- participate proactively in the awareness of maintaining good health proactively raise awareness of maintaining good health
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents substantial, relevant discussion of public health care and alternative investment, with a clear paragraph structure and several developed supporting points. Its main weakness is that the position shifts from supporting education and culture to advocating a balanced approach, while ambitious wording is frequently imprecise and sentences become cumbersome. The priority is to state one consistent, qualified opinion and express each reason in shorter, more natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay explores the competing priorities in depth, but the final balanced position is not fully consistent with the stronger preference stated earlier.
Define a precise position in the introduction and maintain that same qualification throughout the argument and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall progression are clear, though some long sentences contain too many linked ideas and weaken focus.
Divide the longest body sentences and organise each paragraph around one central claim followed by its direct support.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a broad and ambitious vocabulary, but frequent unnatural collocations and imprecise word choices reduce clarity.
Prefer accurate, conventional phrases such as raise health awareness, serious illnesses, and preserve cultural heritage over inflated wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a good attempt at varied complex grammar, but recurring errors in verb patterns, articles, agreement, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Simplify clause structures and check verb forms and article use so complex sentences remain grammatically controlled.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people claim that the government should provide free health care. Others think that the government will not provide the most innovative methods of treatment and its better to invest those funds in education and culture. What is your opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.