Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In recent years, the issue of whether the government should prioritize funding for healthcare above all other areas has been a topic of debate. I would argue that healthcare should take precedence, as it is a fundamental human right and essential for a healthy and productive population.
Certain interested party contend that there are other areas that are just as important as healthcare. One such area is education. Education is often rightly seen as a key factor in social and economic development. For example, in developing countries, a lack of education can result in high levels of poverty and unemployment. Countries that invest in education have seen the results permeate throughout society, including the well-known examples of Japan after the Second World War and Finland in recent decades. Educational quality can in turn lead to sustained economic growth and higher standards of living for the average citizen.
Despite these valid arguments, I believe that healthcare should still be given priority in terms of state budget allocation. One reason for this is the fact that healthcare is a universal need. Unlike education, which can benefit some people more than others, everyone requires quality healthcare at some point in their lives. For instance, in the United States, the lack of affordable healthcare has resulted in many people from a variety of socioeconomic backgrounds being unable to afford necessary treatments. The consequences of this can be seen in the high number of preventable deaths each year, which could have been avoided if the government had prioritized healthcare funding.
In conclusion, it is clear that healthcare is an essential human right and deserves precedence above other critical areas such as education. Ultimately, the key is to find a sustainable and equitable approach that benefits everyone.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix plural agreement Original: party Suggested revision: parties Why it matters: The plural verb contend requires the plural noun parties.
- 2. Use precise phrasing Original: the results permeate throughout society Suggested revision: the benefits spread throughout society Why it matters: Benefits identifies the intended positive outcomes more precisely than results.
- 3. Link examples clearly Original: including the well-known examples of Suggested revision: as illustrated by Why it matters: This phrase connects the country examples directly to the preceding claim.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: Educational quality Suggested revision: High-quality education Why it matters: High-quality education is a more natural expression for the intended concept.
- 5. Make wording concise Original: healthcare should still be given priority in terms of state budget allocation Suggested revision: healthcare should still be prioritized in state budget allocation Why it matters: The active verb prioritized expresses the same idea more directly.
- 6. Remove wordiness Original: One reason for this is the fact that Suggested revision: One reason is that Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same causal link without unnecessary wording.
- 7. Use concise phrasing Original: from a variety of socioeconomic backgrounds Suggested revision: across socioeconomic groups Why it matters: The replacement is more concise while preserving the range of people described.
- 8. Tighten the link Original: The consequences of this can be seen in Suggested revision: This is evident in Why it matters: The concise reference links the example to its consequence more directly.
- 9. Avoid repeated meaning Original: which could have been avoided if the government had prioritized healthcare funding Suggested revision: that greater government healthcare funding might have prevented Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating the idea already expressed by preventable and uses a suitably cautious modal.
- 10. Fix collocation Original: deserves precedence above Suggested revision: deserves priority over Why it matters: Priority over is the appropriate collocation for this comparison.
- 11. Specify the approach Original: the key is to find a sustainable and equitable approach Suggested revision: governments need a sustainable and equitable healthcare approach Why it matters: Naming the actor and policy area makes the closing claim more precise without changing its meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- party parties
- the results permeate throughout society the benefits spread throughout society
- including the well-known examples of as illustrated by
- Educational quality High-quality education
- healthcare should still be given priority in terms of state budget allocation healthcare should still be prioritized in state budget allocation
- One reason for this is the fact that One reason is that
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay gives a clear, sustained position and supports it through a well-developed comparison between healthcare and education, using relevant examples and a logical argumentative sequence. The principal weakness is a small amount of overgeneralisation and a concluding reference to an equitable approach that is not developed earlier. Refine these claims and ensure every concluding idea directly consolidates the preceding argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is fully addressed and well supported with relevant reasoning, counterargument, and examples, despite minor overgeneralisation.
Qualify the comparison between healthcare and education and make the final sentence more directly reinforce the established position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, counterargument, rebuttal, and conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Strengthen the final transition by linking the sustainable approach explicitly to prioritised healthcare funding.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise academic vocabulary is used naturally, with only an isolated awkward expression affecting accuracy.
Proofread rare noun-number and collocation slips, particularly phrases such as interested parties contend.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a wide range of well-controlled complex structures, with only a minor agreement error.
Maintain the same structural variety while checking agreement in complex noun phrases during final proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.