It is impossible for the government to help everyone around the world, so it should focus on its own country’s development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
It goes without saying that helping people all over the world seems infeasible. Some people believe that government should only support their local citizens instead of residents in other countries. At the same time, it is true that governments need to focus on their development. However, I agree with the statement. I would like to explicate it at length in the paragraph to come.
The first and foremost reason is that local communities are the first priority of the government for improving the live standards of their citizens. Because in this present stage majority of individuals are deprived of numerous amenities, which are neglected by higher authorities. For instance, according to the international act, all countries have a responsibility to invest in their infrastructure first, and they could provide financial assistance for the poor to help them solve the basic problems of living, such as a decent place to live or a proper meal for their family members. To add to it, regimes try to help every person in the world altogether and give an invitation to drastic consequences such as civilisation issues and economic growth.
Furthermore, it is undeniable that some nations of a governments are unable to solve all problems of countries at the same time due to a lack of funds and budget. In other words, there are many poor countries that do not have proper agreements for giving a helping hand to other nations. However, solving the problems of non-native countries is not a bad action if their resident is already safe. For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, India produced heavy doses of covishield vaccination after rescuing their citizens first and also distributing their vaccine to another country and developing stronger bonding with each other. In addition, other countries showed their interest in international aid, and everyone is going to contribute with the possible sort of help. Therefore, no one wants to interrupt the relationship with other countries. Hence, these impoverished countries would have the opportunity to create more jobs and develop their economy.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, although helping another nation has ample benefits, the government needs to fulfil the desires of their country with the help of international trade.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add definite article Original: that government should Suggested revision: that the government should Why it matters: Government refers to the governing authority as a specific institution here and needs the definite article.
- 2. Fix pronoun agreement Original: their local citizens Suggested revision: its own citizens Why it matters: The singular noun government requires the singular possessive its.
- 3. Clarify development target Original: focus on their development Suggested revision: focus on their countries' development Why it matters: The possessive phrase makes clear that governments should develop their respective countries.
- 4. Use direct wording Original: explicate it at length Suggested revision: explain this position Why it matters: The revised phrase identifies what will be explained and avoids an unnecessarily ornate expression.
- 5. Match essay structure Original: the paragraph to come Suggested revision: the following paragraphs Why it matters: The essay develops the position across more than one subsequent paragraph.
- 6. Use precise ranking Original: first Suggested revision: highest Why it matters: Highest priority is the natural expression for the most important concern.
- 7. Correct collocation Original: live Suggested revision: living Why it matters: Living standards is the established term for people's material conditions.
- 8. Fix preposition Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: Assistance is given to recipients rather than for them in this construction.
- 9. Use natural phrase Original: basic problems of living Suggested revision: basic needs Why it matters: Basic needs concisely names necessities such as food and housing.
- 10. Use standard connector Original: To add to it Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: In addition is the standard cohesive phrase for introducing another point.
- 11. Use neutral noun Original: regimes Suggested revision: governments Why it matters: Governments matches the institutional actors discussed throughout the essay more precisely.
- 12. Correct result phrase Original: give an invitation to Suggested revision: lead to Why it matters: Lead to is the natural verb phrase for causing consequences.
Suggested Rewrites
- that government should that the government should
- their local citizens its own citizens
- focus on their development focus on their countries' development
- explicate it at length explain this position
- the paragraph to come the following paragraphs
- first highest
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a generally clear preference for domestic priorities and offers relevant points about public needs, limited budgets, and international aid. Its main limitation is that ideas sometimes become contradictory or loosely connected, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to organize each paragraph around one clear reason, explain its link to the position, and revise sentences for accurate agreement, articles, and word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A relevant position is presented and supported, but parts of the international-aid discussion are unclear or insufficiently tied to that position.
State one precise reason per body paragraph and explain how each example proves that domestic development should take priority.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and signposting provide a recognizable progression, although some connections between claims are mechanical or logically uncertain.
Remove unnecessary linking phrases and build a clear claim-explanation-example sequence within each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic vocabulary and some less common language, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices limit precision.
Prefer accurate common expressions such as living standards, limited resources, and provide aid over forced or unclear formulations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, sentence boundaries, and noun forms reduce control.
Revise each sentence for a complete main clause, then check subject-verb agreement, articles, and singular-plural consistency.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is impossible for the government to help everyone around the world, so it should focus on its own country’s development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.