Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?
Sample Response
In today’s world, making substantial changes in society has always been a major concern for every nation. It is believed that these changes can be made only by the government, whereas others argue that an individual can make a difference and eventually change the society. This essay will address both sides of this argument and finally reach to a with an opinion. On the one hand, It is considered that government of every nation can make important changes in society by enforcing the law and conducting the awareness seminars. To put this in another way, people’s safety can only be ensured if the government enforces law and order in society. For instance, according to a social experiment, safety is a crucial matter in a society which is being expected by people from the ruling administration. Moreover, government should take effective steps in order to conduct the awareness seminars which will help people to aware and understand the acute problems of a society. Thus, it is clear that government plays a vital role in making a significant difference between a better and worse society. On the other hand, Despite government aid, individuals should understand the responsibilities towards the betterment of a society. Firstly, people can change the society by actively participating in the social activities. For example, being social activists, they will understand and resolve the critical issues of the society which cannot be felt without being socialist. Secondly, youngsters should be encouraged to attain a higher education and set an example in a society for others who have been demoralized in their life. Finally, a person should be helpful and kind to others and especially to those who are needy. Therefore, it has been proven that every individual has a potential to change the society by simply encouraging and motivating themselves. In, after discussing the both sides of an argument, in my opinion, although it should be the prime responsibility of the government in making important changes in a society, the individuals should also be matured and responsible in order to help society emerging from worse conditions and to make it a better place.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Lowercase after linker Original: It Suggested revision: it Why it matters: The pronoun should not be capitalised after this introductory phrase.
- 2. Add definite article Original: government of every nation Suggested revision: the government of every nation Why it matters: The singular count noun needs a determiner in this context.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: conducting the awareness seminars Suggested revision: conducting awareness seminars Why it matters: The general plural noun phrase does not require the definite article.
- 4. Add government article Original: government should take effective steps Suggested revision: the government should take effective steps Why it matters: A definite article is needed before the singular institutional noun.
- 5. Use general plural Original: conduct the awareness seminars Suggested revision: conduct awareness seminars Why it matters: The definite article is unnecessary when referring to seminars generally.
- 6. Correct adjective structure Original: help people to aware and understand Suggested revision: help make people aware of and understand Why it matters: Aware is an adjective and needs the structure make people aware of.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: acute Suggested revision: serious Why it matters: Serious problems is the more natural collocation for broad social difficulties.
- 8. Clarify intended change Original: making a significant difference between a better and worse society Suggested revision: improving society Why it matters: The original expression incorrectly describes a difference between two societies rather than social improvement.
- 9. Fix logical connector Original: Despite government aid Suggested revision: Alongside government action Why it matters: The paragraph adds individual responsibility rather than presenting an idea that conflicts with government action.
- 10. Fix determiner and preposition Original: the responsibilities towards Suggested revision: their responsibilities for Why it matters: The possessive determiner and preposition correctly express people's duties regarding social improvement.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: the social activities Suggested revision: social activities Why it matters: The general plural reference does not need the definite article.
- 12. Correct education collocation Original: attain a higher education Suggested revision: obtain higher education Why it matters: Obtain higher education is the natural collocation for completing advanced study.
Suggested Rewrites
- It it
- government of every nation the government of every nation
- conducting the awareness seminars conducting awareness seminars
- government should take effective steps the government should take effective steps
- conduct the awareness seminars conduct awareness seminars
- help people to aware and understand help make people aware of and understand
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response addresses both perspectives and reaches a relevant, qualified position, with a broadly logical progression of ideas. Its main limitation is that support remains generic or occasionally unclear, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to develop each main claim with a concrete, logically explained example and then edit sentences for accurate word forms, articles, and clause structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both viewpoints are addressed and the conclusion gives a relevant position, but several supporting points remain general or loosely explained.
Develop each main claim through a specific example and explicitly explain how it demonstrates governmental or individual influence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognizable two-sided sequence, although the single long paragraph and mechanical linking weaken the flow.
Separate the introduction, each viewpoint, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss social change, but inaccurate collocations and word choices repeatedly reduce precision.
Replace awkward phrases with natural combinations and check the exact meaning and grammatical form of less familiar words.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the main message, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, capitalization, and clause construction persist.
Proofread each sentence for complete clause structure, article use, subject-verb agreement, and correct adjective or verb forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.