Some people think the government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people believe that more national funding should be allocated to the teaching of science subjects rather than other subjects because these disciplines could facilitate the growth of a country. This essay strongly disagrees with this opinion, asserting that a strong and flourishing country results from a combination of both humanities and science subjects.
There are valid reasons why some advocate for prioritizing science education. In the current technological landscape, science has paved the way for numerous breakthroughs that drive a country's development. For instance, America is renowned as a technological powerhouse, home to numerous tech giants such as Apple and Google. Such achievements are largely the result of massive investments in science and technology within their educational system. Similarly, countries such as China and Germany have also experienced remarkable growth due to similar investments in these fields. Therefore, it is undeniable that science significantly contributes to national development.
However, for a country to experience holistic development and long-term prosperity, humanities should also be invested in, with history being a prime example. When citizens are knowledgeable about their homeland’s origins and the endeavors of previous generations to unify the country, they develop a sense of patriotism. This patriotism is the foundation of the desire and effort to build and develop a country. Conversely, when people are ignorant about their country's history and have little gratitude towards the past, it is challenging for them to devote themselves to their homeland, potentially leading to issues like brain drain. Moreover, teaching international historical events is equally crucial. Insights into world wars or conflicts occurring in other parts of the world help people, especially young generations, understand the value of peace, which is another essential groundwork for a developed and united country. Such knowledge can bolster people’s faith in their home country and encourage them to dedicate themselves to its development and protection. Humanities subjects like literature and philosophy also play a vital role in fostering critical thinking, empathy, and ethical reasoning, all of which are essential for well-rounded citizens.
In conclusion, while it is true that science and technology are vital for a country's progress, this essay argues that educational funding should not be disproportionately channeled into these fields at the expense of the humanities. A balanced approach that values both scientific and social subjects is crucial for fostering patriotism, critical thinking, and a comprehensive understanding of the world, which collectively form the foundation of a country's growth.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant both Original: a combination of both humanities and science subjects Suggested revision: a combination of humanities and science subjects Why it matters: Using both after combination is redundant here.
- 2. Use precise country name Original: America Suggested revision: the United States Why it matters: The United States is the more precise formal name in this academic context.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: within their educational system Suggested revision: within the American education system Why it matters: The plural possessive does not clearly refer back to the singular country.
- 4. Avoid double linking Original: also experienced Suggested revision: experienced Why it matters: Similarly already expresses the additive relationship, so also is unnecessary.
- 5. Improve passive construction Original: humanities should also be invested in Suggested revision: investment should also be directed towards the humanities Why it matters: This revision makes the passive construction more natural and gives investment a clear direction.
- 6. Improve the collocation Original: the foundation of the desire and effort Suggested revision: a foundation for the desire and effort Why it matters: Foundation for is the natural collocation for something that supports a desire or effort.
- 7. Clarify the object Original: have little gratitude towards the past Suggested revision: feel little gratitude towards previous generations Why it matters: Gratitude is more naturally directed towards people than towards the abstract past.
- 8. Use a precise verb Original: devote themselves to their homeland Suggested revision: contribute to their homeland Why it matters: Contribute expresses the intended practical role in national development more precisely.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: young Suggested revision: younger Why it matters: Younger generations is the standard expression for later age cohorts.
- 10. Use a countable noun Original: groundwork Suggested revision: foundation Why it matters: Groundwork is normally uncountable and cannot naturally follow another in this construction.
- 11. Keep terminology consistent Original: social Suggested revision: humanities Why it matters: Humanities subjects matches the category discussed throughout the response more consistently.
- 12. Strengthen topic progression Suggested revision: Add a clearer transition before moving from history to literature and philosophy, or separate that final point into its own paragraph. Why it matters: The paragraph shifts from an extended discussion of history to other humanities subjects without a clear organisational bridge.
Suggested Rewrites
- a combination of both humanities and science subjects a combination of humanities and science subjects
- America the United States
- within their educational system within the American education system
- also experienced experienced
- humanities should also be invested in investment should also be directed towards the humanities
- the foundation of the desire and effort a foundation for the desire and effort
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops a persuasive case for balanced funding, with particularly strong explanation of how humanities contribute to national development. Its main limitation is that some supporting claims about national investment and patriotism are broad or asserted too confidently. Prioritise more carefully qualified evidence and tighter links between each example and the precise funding comparison in the prompt.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and the case for balanced funding is fully developed with relevant reasons and examples.
Qualify broad causal claims about national investment and connect each example more explicitly to the proposed funding priority.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, contrasting body sections, and a conclusion that consistently reinforces the position.
Balance the body paragraphs more evenly and trim repetition within the extended discussion of humanities.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion of education, development, history, and civic values.
Refine a few awkward collocations, such as describing humanities as subjects that should receive investment, to make the language more natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately, with only occasional minor awkwardness that does not impede meaning.
Streamline some heavily layered sentences so that relationships between causes, examples, and outcomes remain immediately clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think the government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.