Some governments say how many children a family can hare in their country. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is certainly very understandable that some governments should start looking at ways of limiting their populations to a sustainable figure. In the past, populations were partly regulated by frequent war and widespread disease, but in recent years the effects of those factors have been diminished. Countries can be faced with a population that is growing much faster than she nation's food resources or employment opportunities and whose members can be condemned to poverty by the need to feed extra mouths. They identify population control as a means to raising living standards.
But how should it be achieved? Clearly, this whole area is a very delicate personal and cultural issue. Many people feel that this is not a matter for the state. They feel this is one area of life where they have the right to make decisions for themselves. For that reason, it would seem that the best. Approach would be to work by persuasion rather than compulsion This could be done by a process of education that points out the way a smaller family can mean an improved quality of life for the family members, as well as less strain on the country's perhaps very limited, resources.
This is the preferred way. Of course if this docs not succeed within a reasonable time scale, it may be necessary to consider other measures. Such as tax incentives or child-benefit payments for small families only. These are midway between persuasion and compulsion.
So. Yes. It is sometimes necessary, but governments should try very hard to persuade first. They should also remember that this is a very delicate area indeed, and that social engineering can create as many problems as it solves?
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove overemphasis Original: certainly very understandable Suggested revision: understandable Why it matters: The two intensifiers are unnecessary because ‘understandable’ already expresses the intended judgement.
- 2. Use concise phrasing Original: start looking at ways of limiting Suggested revision: consider ways to limit Why it matters: The replacement conveys the same idea more directly and formally.
- 3. Use plural noun Original: war Suggested revision: wars Why it matters: The countable noun should be plural when referring to repeated conflicts in the past.
- 4. Use active form Original: have been diminished Suggested revision: have diminished Why it matters: The intransitive form states directly that the effects have become weaker.
- 5. Correct the typo Original: she Suggested revision: the Why it matters: ‘She’ is a typographical error for the definite article ‘the’.
- 6. Use direct phrasing Original: can be faced with Suggested revision: can face Why it matters: The active construction is more concise and natural while preserving the meaning.
- 7. Fix preposition pattern Original: to Suggested revision: of Why it matters: The noun ‘means’ takes ‘of’ followed by a gerund in this construction.
- 8. Remove false stop Original: the best. Approach Suggested revision: the best approach Why it matters: The full stop incorrectly divides a single noun phrase and causes unnecessary capitalisation.
- 9. Separate the sentences Original: compulsion This Suggested revision: compulsion. This Why it matters: A full stop is required between the completed statement and the next independent sentence.
- 10. Use concise wording Original: by a process of education Suggested revision: through education Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same method without an unnecessary nominal construction.
- 11. Use natural phrasing Original: points out the way Suggested revision: explains how Why it matters: ‘Explains how’ introduces the following relationship more naturally and precisely.
- 12. Choose precise verb Original: mean Suggested revision: provide Why it matters: ‘Provide’ states the proposed benefit more directly than the vague verb ‘mean’.
Suggested Rewrites
- certainly very understandable understandable
- start looking at ways of limiting consider ways to limit
- war wars
- have been diminished have diminished
- she the
- can be faced with can face
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response offers a thoughtful, qualified position and develops a logical progression from the need for population control to persuasion and, if necessary, fiscal measures. Its main limitation is sentence-level control, as fragments, misplaced stops, missing punctuation, and a few word-form errors repeatedly interrupt otherwise sophisticated writing. The priority is to proofread sentence boundaries and punctuation so the strong reasoning and vocabulary read smoothly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a clear qualified position and develops relevant reasons for persuasion before limited financial controls.
Strengthen the case further by explaining more precisely when fiscal control becomes justified and how its risks would be contained.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically from the population problem to preferred and fallback responses, with clear paragraph-level focus.
Integrate the very short third paragraph more fully and remove sentence fragments that disrupt the flow within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A flexible and precise range includes sustainable figure, persuasion rather than compulsion, tax incentives, and social engineering, despite a few slips.
Proofread word forms and collocations such as means of raising, and correct typographical substitutions before submission.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are often handled accurately, but fragments, misplaced full stops, missing sentence punctuation, and an incorrect final question mark recur.
Check every sentence boundary so dependent phrases remain attached to complete clauses and statements end with appropriate punctuation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some governments say how many children a family can hare in their country. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.