The government should make more efforts to promote alternative sources of energy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Many people believe that the government should emphasise more on alternative energies these days. To a certain point, I would agree with that, but the government should also have measurable calculation before they shift the energy resources.
For a number of reasons, it is believed that the government should have extensive promotions on alternative sources of energy. Firstly, it is a fact that many new energy resources are friendlier to the environment rather than the existing sources of energy. For example, the usage of the solar panel system is booming these days due to they are not producing any carbon monoxide. Secondly, the most common sources of energy that people use nowadays are not renewable. For example, most countries use oil, gas and coal as their sources of energy currently, and we all know that these energies are limited. As millions of people are using these sources every day, it will run out in the future. We should be concerned with how the future generation will get their sources of energies by thinking of alternative resources. On the other hand, before the government promotes these alternative energies, they must have a well-prepared feasibility study. They must ensure that those alternative sources of energy are safe for the environment. For instance, when the authority decides to use a nuclear reactor as a replacement of a diesel electric plant, they must ensure that it is safe. Any leakage from the plant would cause a disaster for the whole nation, just like in the case of the Chernobyl or Fukushima plants. And then the government should also think how it will impact the unemployment rate. When new alternative energies are promoted, it means that there is a risk that the demand of existing energies will be reduced. Consequently, large energy companies such as Chevron or Shell will reduce their employees. The government should have properly anticipated, plan and have the right solution for it. In conclusion, to a certain extent, I would agree that the government should put more emphasis on new alternative energy these days, but it should also be supported with measurable and feasible studies.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct verb pattern Original: emphasise more on Suggested revision: place more emphasis on Why it matters: The verb "emphasise" does not take both "more" and "on" in this construction.
- 2. Use precise term Original: alternative energies these days Suggested revision: alternative energy sources today Why it matters: "Energy sources" is more precise than the countable use of "energies" here.
- 3. Correct fixed phrase Original: point Suggested revision: extent Why it matters: "To a certain extent" is the standard expression for partial agreement.
- 4. Add article Original: have measurable calculation Suggested revision: conduct a measurable assessment Why it matters: The original phrase lacks an article and uses an unnatural verb–noun combination.
- 5. Clarify the transition Original: shift the energy resources Suggested revision: shift to these energy sources Why it matters: A government shifts to an energy source rather than shifting the resource itself.
- 6. Use uncountable noun Original: promotions Suggested revision: promotion Why it matters: "Promotion" is uncountable when it refers generally to public advocacy.
- 7. Correct comparison Original: friendlier to the environment rather than Suggested revision: friendlier to the environment than Why it matters: A comparative adjective takes "than" rather than "rather than" here.
- 8. Use natural wording Original: the usage of the solar panel system Suggested revision: the use of solar power systems Why it matters: This revision uses the natural uncountable noun and a clearer technical term.
- 9. Fix cause clause Original: due to they are not producing Suggested revision: because they do not produce Why it matters: "Due to" cannot directly introduce this finite clause.
- 10. Use precise noun Original: these energies are limited Suggested revision: these resources are finite Why it matters: "Resources are finite" accurately expresses that their supply can be exhausted.
- 11. Match plural subject Original: it Suggested revision: they Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural noun "sources".
- 12. Use plural form Original: the future generation Suggested revision: future generations Why it matters: The general reference requires the plural form without a definite article.
Suggested Rewrites
- emphasise more on place more emphasis on
- alternative energies these days alternative energy sources today
- point extent
- have measurable calculation conduct a measurable assessment
- shift the energy resources shift to these energy sources
- promotions promotion
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, qualified position and supports it with relevant environmental, resource, safety, and employment considerations. Its main weakness is organisation: opposing considerations are crowded into one long paragraph, while frequent collocation and grammar errors reduce precision. Prioritise dividing the argument into focused paragraphs and revising sentence structures and word combinations so each well-chosen idea is expressed more accurately and persuasively.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear qualified position is supported by relevant reasons and examples covering both the benefits and practical risks of promoting alternative energy.
Develop the employment concern more carefully and explain how the proposed feasibility studies would guide government promotion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically overall, but most ideas are compressed into one very long body paragraph and some linking is mechanical.
Separate the benefits, safety concerns, and employment effects into focused paragraphs with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, although inaccurate collocations and word forms recur throughout.
Use more natural combinations such as promote alternative energy, conduct feasibility studies, and reduce staffing levels.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, but agreement, reference, clause, and verb-form errors are frequent.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement, pronoun reference, and consistent verb forms before finalising the essay.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The government should make more efforts to promote alternative sources of energy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.