Some people say that government should give priority to health care whereas others say they should spend on other important priorities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The debate among tax-payers on whether healthcare should be prioritized for government spending or other sectors should be given more priority has been a dilemma for ages. Although both these areas are crucial for a nation, I believe that there should be a balance in the allocation of public resources and this system should be adjusted as needed. In the following paragraphs, I will explore both sides of the argument and justify my views with relevant instances.
First and foremost, the need for advanced medical facilities is rising with each passing day. This is quite evident in the number of health issues that middle-aged and senior citizens are facing lately. The condition of government hospitals and the dire need for improvement in the quality of such vital public services needs to be acknowledged by the authorities. Thus, the need for the allotment of added funding for the medical sector has become critical.
Nevertheless, there are other sectors in the economy that are also in a crippling monetary state and need aid from the administration. Education, public transportation and sanitation are some of the sections under government administration that need to be uplifted and developed immediately. Government spending in ventures like the education of the youth is of utmost importance as they are the future of the country. Therefore channelling public resources into the expansion of a single domain will lead to complications in the others.
Finally, it is essential to understand that government resources are already stretched thin and raising additional funds is a herculean task to accomplish. On that account, an equilibrium must be maintained when planning the annual budget so that every economic sector flourishes uniformly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the comparison Original: both these areas Suggested revision: both priorities Why it matters: The replacement refers more precisely to healthcare and other spending priorities.
- 2. Clarify reference Original: system Suggested revision: allocation Why it matters: The original demonstrative has no clear noun referent, while allocation links directly to the preceding idea.
- 3. Use natural noun Original: instances Suggested revision: examples Why it matters: Examples is the more natural word for supporting illustrations in an essay.
- 4. Avoid inflated phrasing Original: rising with each passing day Suggested revision: increasing steadily Why it matters: The replacement expresses the trend more concisely and precisely.
- 5. Fix preposition Original: in Suggested revision: from Why it matters: Evidence is evident from something, so from is the required preposition.
- 6. Fix time expression Original: are facing lately Suggested revision: currently face Why it matters: Currently fits the present-tense claim more naturally than lately with this verb form.
- 7. Use formal collocation Original: allotment of added funding Suggested revision: allocation of additional funding Why it matters: Allocation of additional funding is the standard formal collocation for public budgets.
- 8. Use accurate phrasing Original: crippling monetary state Suggested revision: severe financial difficulty Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural when describing the funding condition of sectors.
- 9. Use precise category Original: sections under government administration Suggested revision: public services Why it matters: Public services identifies education, transport, and sanitation more directly.
- 10. Remove redundant wording Original: uplifted and developed Suggested revision: improved Why it matters: One precise verb conveys the intended change without an awkward pair.
- 11. Use concise wording Original: the dire need for improvement Suggested revision: the urgent need to improve Why it matters: The replacement states the need more directly while preserving its urgency.
- 12. Tighten the claim Original: has become critical Suggested revision: is now critical Why it matters: The replacement expresses the current importance more concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- both these areas both priorities
- system allocation
- instances examples
- rising with each passing day increasing steadily
- in from
- are facing lately currently face
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear balanced position and orderly coverage of healthcare and competing public priorities. Its main limitation is the broad, generic development: claims about rising health needs and other underfunded sectors receive little specific explanation or illustration, while some awkward collocations weaken precision; prioritise extending each side with a concrete causal example before refining the conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear preference for balanced funding are presented, but the supporting ideas remain general and only partly developed.
Add one specific example to each side and explain how it demonstrates the consequences of prioritising that area of spending.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear progression from the two views to the writer’s conclusion, with generally effective paragraphing and linking.
Make the final paragraph explicitly synthesise the preceding arguments instead of adding broad claims about uniform growth.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows some range for public spending and services, but repetition and strained collocations occasionally reduce precision and naturalness.
Use more exact, natural wording for financial pressure and avoid inflated phrases when a simpler term expresses the point more accurately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is used with generally good control, and the few agreement or punctuation errors do not impede meaning.
Check agreement in sentences with compound noun phrases and punctuate introductory linking expressions consistently.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that government should give priority to health care whereas others say they should spend on other important priorities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.