Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people like the homeless and unemployed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is argued that the state budget should not be allocated towards international support since underprivileged people such as the homeless and unemployed in the country need to be financially aided. I totally disagree with this notion as foreign aid enhances solidarity among nations and symbolizes human decency. To begin with, I consider the government should provide overseas fiscal aid since it strengthens the unity of different nations around the globe. More specifically, a country which receives monetary assistance from others in times of difficulty would likely recognize this goodwill gesture and reciprocate their favour, fostering cross-border friendship. For instance, due to the financial support of the Russian government for Vietnam in the Vietnam War, these two nations have intensified their friendly relations. As a result, they have become strategic partners in terms of the global economy, leading to favourable trade concessions from which the donating country would financially benefit in another way. Furthermore, financial support across the globe should be encouraged since it promotes humanity. To be more specific, politicians in wealthy countries can display their nation’s care and empathy for people in less economically developed ones by offering them financial support, enabling them to sustain their lives and solve urgent problems. To illustrate, during the Covid 19 pandemic, the US government financially supported Vietnam in the form of providing free Moderna vaccines for Vietnamese citizens as they faced a great health threat, saving thousands of people and being praised for their benevolence. Therefore, sharing and empathising could be highly valued, promoting a world rich in kindness. In conclusion, I firmly maintain that foreign aid can intensify the bonds among nations and engender human empathy. It is advisable that the state should develop the nation to be able to financially offer support globally.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct collocation Original: towards Suggested revision: to Why it matters: Funds are conventionally “allocated to” a purpose or recipient.
- 2. Use precise term Original: support Suggested revision: aid Why it matters: This term matches the topic more precisely and consistently.
- 3. Correct reporting structure Original: consider Suggested revision: believe Why it matters: “Believe” correctly introduces the following finite clause in this construction.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: overseas fiscal aid Suggested revision: international financial aid Why it matters: This is a more conventional expression for monetary help between countries.
- 5. Improve collocation Original: unity of different nations Suggested revision: unity among nations Why it matters: “Among” more naturally describes unity involving multiple nations.
- 6. Correct fixed expression Original: their Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The standard expression is “reciprocate the favour.”
- 7. Clarify agent and recipient Original: financial support of the Russian government for Vietnam Suggested revision: financial support provided by the Russian government to Vietnam Why it matters: The revised prepositions clearly identify who supplied and received the support.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: intensified their friendly relations Suggested revision: strengthened their relations Why it matters: This is a more idiomatic collocation for improving relations between countries.
- 9. Clarify the outcome Original: from which the donating country would financially benefit in another way Suggested revision: from which the donating country could benefit financially in return Why it matters: The revision improves word order and makes the reciprocal outcome clearer.
- 10. Specify the referent Original: ones Suggested revision: countries Why it matters: Naming the countries directly removes the vague pronoun reference.
- 11. Use natural phrasing Original: financially aided Suggested revision: given financial assistance Why it matters: This phrase is more natural than forming a passive construction with “aid.”
- 12. Improve verb choice Original: symbolizes Suggested revision: reflects Why it matters: “Reflects” more naturally describes how an action demonstrates a moral quality.
Suggested Rewrites
- towards to
- support aid
- consider believe
- overseas fiscal aid international financial aid
- unity of different nations unity among nations
- their the
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and supports it with two well-developed reasons and concrete examples, while showing a broad range of vocabulary and sentence structures. Its main weakness is that the entire argument is presented as one block and relies heavily on signposting phrases, which makes progression feel mechanical. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the introduction, main ideas, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with smoother internal linking.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both benefits of international aid are extended through explanation and specific examples.
Engage more explicitly with the competing priority of supporting domestic disadvantaged people to make the disagreement more fully persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical sequence and uses clear signposting, but the lack of paragraph breaks and frequent formulaic transitions weaken organisation.
Divide the response into an introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, then reduce repetitive signposts within each paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad range of topic-specific and abstract vocabulary, though some expressions are repetitive or not fully natural.
Prefer precise idiomatic combinations such as “international financial assistance” and avoid repeatedly relying on “financial support” and intensified abstract phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are varied and mostly accurate, with strong control of subordination and participle clauses despite a few minor structural lapses.
Refine complement and reference structures, for example by writing “I consider that the government should” and ensuring pronouns agree with their antecedents.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people like the homeless and unemployed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.