In many countries, too much money was spent by the government and individuals on national celebrations such as New Year and religious festivals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is true that many nations allocate vast sums of public and private funds to commemorate national holidays and religious festivals, often at the expense of essential services and individual financial stability. I partially agree that while such lavish outlays can divert critical resources and impose burdens on households, they also generate meaningful economic stimulus and reinforce cultural cohesion.
Admittedly, excessive festival spending can indeed siphon off resources from more pressing societal needs and strain personal finances. When governments channel lavish budgets into elaborate fireworks displays and grandiose parades, the opportunity cost is clear: reduced allocations for healthcare and education undermine long-term public welfare. On the domestic front, low-income families frequently resort to loans to afford customary holiday gifts and festivities. This can precipitate enduring debt and financial insecurity long after the celebrations conclude.
Conversely, the economic and social dividends of festival expenditure are substantial and merit consideration. Regarding economic benefits, the surge in travel, food, and entertainment demand during celebratory periods provides an invaluable economic stimulus for local industries. This in turn drives a revenue boost for small businesses and sustains jobs that might otherwise falter. Beyond commerce, communal celebrations foster cultural cohesion and national identity. For instance, Lunar New Year reunions galvanise family bonds and intergenerational unity, thereby strengthening the social fabric that underpins societal resilience. Thus, I am strongly convinced that festival expenditure functions as a catalyst for both economic stimulus for local industries and the reinforcement of cultural cohesion and national identity.
In conclusion, although I acknowledge that excessive spending on public festivities can detract from vital services and exacerbate household debt, I also recognise that such expenditures play an indispensable role in energising local economies and nurturing communal solidarity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use measured wording Original: vast sums Suggested revision: substantial amounts Why it matters: This wording conveys a large quantity without sounding unnecessarily dramatic.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: commemorate Suggested revision: celebrate Why it matters: People normally celebrate holidays, while commemorate is more often used for solemn events or anniversaries.
- 3. Specify the burden Original: impose burdens on households Suggested revision: place financial burdens on households Why it matters: Adding financial makes the kind of burden explicit and strengthens precision.
- 4. Use formal phrasing Original: siphon off resources Suggested revision: divert resources Why it matters: Divert is more concise and appropriately formal in this academic context.
- 5. Clarify budget scale Original: lavish Suggested revision: excessive Why it matters: Excessive directly expresses that the amount spent is greater than necessary.
- 6. Clarify the shift Original: On the domestic front Suggested revision: At the household level Why it matters: This transition more precisely signals the move from government spending to personal finances.
- 7. Improve collocation Original: resort to loans to afford Suggested revision: take out loans to pay for Why it matters: Take out loans and pay for form more natural collocations here.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: precipitate enduring debt Suggested revision: lead to long-term debt Why it matters: The revision expresses the consequence more naturally and directly.
- 9. Avoid overstatement Original: provides an invaluable economic stimulus Suggested revision: provides a valuable economic stimulus Why it matters: Valuable supports the positive claim without the excessive force of invaluable.
- 10. Fix awkward collocation Original: drives a revenue boost Suggested revision: boosts revenue Why it matters: The direct verb phrase is more natural and concise.
- 11. Use precise collocation Original: galvanise Suggested revision: strengthen Why it matters: Strengthen collocates naturally with family bonds and preserves the intended meaning.
- 12. Improve parallel structure Original: a catalyst for both economic stimulus for local industries and the reinforcement of cultural cohesion and national identity Suggested revision: a catalyst for both local economic activity and stronger cultural cohesion and national identity Why it matters: The revision makes the two coordinated elements more concise and grammatically parallel.
Suggested Rewrites
- vast sums substantial amounts
- commemorate celebrate
- impose burdens on households place financial burdens on households
- siphon off resources divert resources
- lavish excessive
- On the domestic front At the household level
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its balanced, well-developed treatment of both the costs and benefits of festival spending, supported by relevant public and household examples. Its main limitation is a slight shift from the qualified position in the introduction to stronger endorsement near the end of the third paragraph. Keep the degree of agreement consistently explicit and sharpen a few overextended claims.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly addresses the extent question with a nuanced position and develops both sides using relevant explanations and examples.
Maintain precisely the same qualified degree of agreement throughout, especially when drawing conclusions within body paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader smoothly without obscuring relationships.
Reduce minor repetition when summarising the economic and cultural benefits at the end of the third paragraph.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used confidently to discuss public finance, household pressure, economic activity, and social cohesion.
Prefer slightly more measured collocations where expressions such as “invaluable economic stimulus” or “galvanise family bonds” sound overstated.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is handled with consistently strong control, and errors are exceptionally rare.
Continue refining sentence economy so dense multi-clause statements remain as direct as the otherwise highly accurate grammar.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, too much money was spent by the government and individuals on national celebrations such as New Year and religious festivals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.