Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art which helps to develop quality in people's lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.
Sample Response
Art in the form of literature, theatre and visual arts represents the cultural heritage of societies. Societies with rich customs in art and poetry are considered more urbane and advanced. Governments around the globe invest a huge sum of money on art in an attempt to bring eminence in people's life. I don't agree with this and believe that funding should be made on other domains that are more critical in human life such and employment, health, education and sports.
Government spending money on art would be worthy only if people show interest in it, like art galleries or poetry. In few countries, sports is more appealing than art. For instance, Football, which has more followers than people admiring sculptures or other art.
Secondly, with the current recession all over the world, people are finding hard to raise their families. The government in such situation should create opportunities for more employment rather than funding projects to improve the art in the society. For instance, administrator of Karachi Metropolitan spends thousands of rupees to revamp old art galleries in order to make them more stylish and modern. The same funding could have been used to improve the lives of art gallery workers living below the poverty line. Thirdly, the government should invest more on health and educational sector. There are many regions where people have no access to clean water or educational institutes. Building educational and medical institutes would bring more improvement in their life than constructing a museum to preserve the local heritage of that region.
To conclude, I believe that is an unjust affirmation that art brings quality in one's life, and I agree money should be invested in more compelling challenges. Investment on art would only benefit a small minority and with time government will recognise that excellence in human lives can only be enhanced by providing decent opportunities in life, not a sculpture.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise cultural term Original: customs in art and poetry Suggested revision: traditions in art and poetry Why it matters: “Traditions” describes established cultural practices more precisely than “customs” here.
- 2. Correct number and preposition Original: invest a huge sum of money on art Suggested revision: invest large sums of money in art Why it matters: The verb “invest” takes “in,” and the plural phrase suits governments around the world.
- 3. Clarify intended benefit Original: bring eminence in people's life Suggested revision: improve people's lives Why it matters: “Bring eminence” does not express the intended improvement in quality of life.
- 4. Use natural funding phrase Original: funding should be made on other domains Suggested revision: funding should be directed to other areas Why it matters: Funding is directed to areas rather than made on domains.
- 5. Correct example phrase Original: such and employment Suggested revision: such as employment Why it matters: The phrase introducing examples is “such as.”
- 6. Use correct adjective Original: Government spending money on art would be worthy Suggested revision: Government spending on art would be worthwhile Why it matters: “Worthwhile” describes an activity that is worth the time or money spent on it.
- 7. Add missing article Original: In few countries Suggested revision: In a few countries Why it matters: The countable phrase “few countries” requires the article “a” for the intended meaning.
- 8. Fix subject form Original: sports is more appealing Suggested revision: sport is more appealing Why it matters: The uncountable general activity “sport” agrees with the singular verb “is.”
- 9. Add object pronoun Original: people are finding hard Suggested revision: people are finding it hard Why it matters: The construction “find it hard” requires the anticipatory object “it.”
- 10. Add missing article Original: in such situation Suggested revision: in such a situation Why it matters: The singular countable noun “situation” requires an article.
- 11. Use concise noun phrase Original: opportunities for more employment Suggested revision: more employment opportunities Why it matters: The revised noun phrase states the same idea more directly.
- 12. Use accurate art verb Original: improve the art in the society Suggested revision: promote art in society Why it matters: Projects can promote art, whereas “improve the art” is unclear in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- customs in art and poetry traditions in art and poetry
- invest a huge sum of money on art invest large sums of money in art
- bring eminence in people's life improve people's lives
- funding should be made on other domains funding should be directed to other areas
- such and employment such as employment
- Government spending money on art would be worthy Government spending on art would be worthwhile
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, consistent position that essential services and employment deserve priority, supported by several relevant comparisons and examples. Its main limitation is uneven development: the sports point is fragmentary, while multiple later ideas are compressed into one paragraph, and recurrent awkward phrasing weakens precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each reason in a separate, fully explained paragraph and edit collocations and sentence boundaries carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response maintains a clear opinion and offers relevant reasons and examples, although the sports argument is insufficiently developed and some claims are broad.
Explain each alternative spending priority through a clear cause-and-effect argument rather than listing several deserving sectors together.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall argument progresses clearly, but paragraphing is uneven, some linking is mechanical, and one supporting example is an incomplete sentence.
Give each main reason its own paragraph and connect every example explicitly to the claim it is intended to support.
Lexical Resource
The response shows adequate range for discussing public spending, but recurring inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce naturalness and precision.
Revise phrases such as “funding should be made on” and “investment on art” into accurate academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is used, but errors with articles, prepositions, agreement, and sentence completeness occur repeatedly.
Prioritise complete sentence construction and check articles and prepositions systematically during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art which helps to develop quality in people's lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.