Write about the following topic Some people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The proposal to utilize government funds for the incorporation of artworks such as paintings and statues in urban areas, with the aim of augmenting their allure, has gained support in recent years. While I recognize the underlying rationale of this perspective, I argue that other facets of urban development should take precedence over enhancing the attractiveness of these areas.
Indeed, there are valid reasons to advocate for government-sponsored art in cities. Artistic installations in public spaces can dramatically transform the aesthetic and cultural landscape of an area. They serve as symbols of cultural identity, reflecting the history and values of the community. Art in public spaces also provides accessibility to cultural experiences for a broader demographic, breaking down the barriers of traditional art galleries and museums. Cities like Barcelona, adorned with Gaudí's architectural masterpieces, exemplify how art can become a cornerstone of urban identity and appeal, drawing tourists and locals alike.
However, the appeal of urban areas relies on more than just aesthetic enhancements. Crucial aspects like infrastructure, green spaces, and public services play a pivotal role in making cities livable and attractive. Efficient public transportation systems, well-maintained parks, and quality public services are fundamental to the daily lives of residents and can significantly impact a city's appeal. For instance, the attractiveness of cities like Vienna and Copenhagen is not just thanks to their artistic heritage but also their emphasis on high-quality public services and sustainable urban planning. Therefore, while art can enrich urban spaces, the allocation of government funds should prioritize these essential elements that directly impact the quality of life and functionality of a city.
To conclude, although the integration of art in urban spaces has its merits, I maintain that government funding should be more strategically directed towards improving fundamental urban infrastructure and services. These elements are crucial in enhancing the overall attractiveness and livability of towns and cities, far beyond the aesthetic contributions of art alone.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Reduce nominalisation Original: utilize government funds for the incorporation of artworks Suggested revision: use government funds to install artworks Why it matters: The direct verb phrase is clearer and more natural while preserving the meaning.
- 2. Use direct wording Original: augmenting their allure Suggested revision: making them more attractive Why it matters: The revision states the idea clearly without unnecessarily ornate vocabulary.
- 3. Improve collocation Original: underlying rationale of this perspective Suggested revision: reasoning behind this view Why it matters: 'Reasoning behind a view' is a more natural and concise expression.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: enhancing the attractiveness of these areas Suggested revision: making these areas more attractive Why it matters: The verb phrase is more direct than the abstract noun construction.
- 5. Correct collocation Original: provides accessibility to cultural experiences Suggested revision: makes cultural experiences accessible Why it matters: English normally uses 'make accessible' rather than 'provide accessibility to' in this construction.
- 6. Clarify audience Original: for a broader demographic Suggested revision: to a broader range of people Why it matters: The revised phrase refers directly and naturally to the people who can access the experiences.
- 7. Clarify relationship Original: breaking down the barriers of traditional art galleries and museums Suggested revision: reducing the barriers associated with traditional art galleries and museums Why it matters: The barriers are associated with these institutions rather than belonging to them literally.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: relies Suggested revision: depends Why it matters: An area's appeal more naturally 'depends on' contributing factors.
- 9. Fix correlative structure Original: is not just thanks to Suggested revision: is due not only to Why it matters: This form correctly prepares the 'but also' construction that follows.
- 10. Complete parallel structure Original: but also their emphasis Suggested revision: but also to their emphasis Why it matters: The repeated preposition makes the two coordinated causes grammatically parallel.
- 11. Improve preposition choice Original: in Suggested revision: to Why it matters: 'Crucial to' is the standard collocation before a gerund.
Suggested Rewrites
- utilize government funds for the incorporation of artworks use government funds to install artworks
- augmenting their allure making them more attractive
- underlying rationale of this perspective reasoning behind this view
- enhancing the attractiveness of these areas making these areas more attractive
- provides accessibility to cultural experiences makes cultural experiences accessible
- for a broader demographic to a broader range of people
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and develops both the cultural value of public art and the competing case for essential urban services with well-chosen examples. Its main limitation is that a few expressions are more elaborate or less idiomatic than necessary, which slightly weakens precision. The highest-priority improvement is to state the funding trade-off more directly and refine occasional collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the proposition through a clear qualified disagreement supported by relevant, extended reasoning.
Clarify whether any limited public-art spending remains justified after essential services have been funded.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is logically ordered, with focused paragraphs and cohesive progression from concession to priority judgement.
Make the transition from the merits of art to the funding comparison slightly more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a wide and precise academic vocabulary, though a few phrases are unnecessarily ornate or less idiomatic.
Use more natural formulations for ideas such as access to culture and the sources of a city's attractiveness.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are varied and controlled, with only minor lapses in parallel construction.
Refine parallel comparisons and trim heavily modified clauses to achieve consistently effortless accuracy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Write about the following topic Some people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.