Some people opine that entertainment or leisure activities should be subsidized by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
People nowadays suffer from work-related stress and the increasing competition and need for extra earning to support the family have already made their life quite nonchalant and hectic. Entertainment and leisure activities are important parts of our overall wellbeing and for a better lifestyle and increased productivity government should allocate budget to promote such activities.
Firstly, it might seem quite logical that when a government already has the scarcity of budget for important sectors like education, healthcare, transportation, trade and agriculture how come extra money could be allocated for leisure and entertainment activities. But there is no denying the fact that entertainment and leisure activities have an immense effect on our physiological and psychological well-being. A small amount of money subsidized for entertainment can actually save a huge amount from health care sector. Thus subsiding budget for the amusement and leisure activities for people is actually a beneficial idea.
Secondly, governments in most of the countries already subsidize a large amount of money for amusement and leisure activities of mass people. For instance, the parks, botanical and zoological gardens, public library, sports centre, swimming complexes, beaches etc we see around us are already financed by the government. From this regards, this is always a good idea for the government to provide facilities for leisure activities to its citizens. Thirdly, proper facilities of entertainment and free time activities are proven to be educative in many cases. For instance, libraries, museums and establishments like these are not only entertaining but also offer a huge opportunity to present educative information to the people.
Again, the government can actually earn money from these facilities. For instance, beaches, sports centres, theatres and auditoriums could be great sources of earning for the government if they are properly utilised. Finally, it is proven that free-time activities and entertainment facilities decrease the crime rate in a locality. Thus investing in public activities would actually bring a huge benefit for the government and the country.
To end the discussion, I quite agree that allocating budget for the leisure and enjoyment of people is quite a prudent idea and every government around the world should do that for the overall benefits of the country and the citizens.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use income noun Original: extra earning Suggested revision: extra income Why it matters: “Income” is the natural uncountable noun for additional money earned.
- 2. Use plural families Original: support the family Suggested revision: support their families Why it matters: The plural subject “people” generally refers to multiple families and needs a possessive determiner.
- 3. Use plural lives Original: made their life Suggested revision: made their lives Why it matters: The plural possessive “their” refers to the separate lives of multiple people.
- 4. Remove contradictory adjective Original: quite nonchalant and hectic Suggested revision: stressful and hectic Why it matters: “Nonchalant” means unconcerned or relaxed, which conflicts with the stated stress and hectic lifestyle.
- 5. Separate coordinated clause Original: wellbeing and for Suggested revision: wellbeing, and for Why it matters: A comma helps separate the independent recommendation from the preceding statement.
- 6. Use funding collocation Original: allocate budget Suggested revision: allocate funding Why it matters: Governments allocate funding or a budget, but “budget” needs an article when used countably.
- 7. Clarify subsidy spending Original: money subsidized for entertainment Suggested revision: money spent on subsidising entertainment Why it matters: Money is spent on subsidising an activity; money itself is not subsidised for it.
- 8. Fix savings construction Original: save a huge amount from health care sector Suggested revision: save the healthcare sector a substantial amount Why it matters: The double-object structure identifies who saves money, and “healthcare” is one word.
- 9. Fix subsidy construction Original: Thus subsiding budget for the amusement and leisure activities for people Suggested revision: Thus, subsidising entertainment and leisure activities Why it matters: The gerund is “subsidising”, and the revision removes unnecessary articles and repetition.
- 10. Remove unnecessary article Original: most of the countries Suggested revision: most countries Why it matters: A general reference after “most” does not take “of the”.
- 11. Use subsidy collocation Original: subsidize a large amount of money for Suggested revision: provide substantial subsidies for Why it matters: Governments provide subsidies for activities rather than subsidising an amount of money.
- 12. Name public naturally Original: mass people Suggested revision: the general public Why it matters: “The general public” is the standard collective expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- extra earning extra income
- support the family support their families
- made their life made their lives
- quite nonchalant and hectic stressful and hectic
- wellbeing and for wellbeing, and for
- allocate budget allocate funding
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its sustained support for subsidies through varied reasons involving wellbeing, education, public revenue, and crime reduction, illustrated with familiar public facilities. Its main limitation is that several claims are asserted too broadly and the language frequently sounds awkward or repetitive, reducing their persuasive force. The highest priority is to develop two or three strongest benefits with clearer causal evidence while acknowledging how subsidies should be prioritised against essential services.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is consistently supported by multiple relevant reasons and examples, although some benefits are asserted without sufficient qualification or evidence.
Explain how subsidy levels should be balanced against healthcare or education spending and substantiate the claimed health or crime-reduction savings.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through financial objections and several benefits, but the numbered sequence becomes somewhat list-like and repetitive.
Group the ideas into two developed themes—public wellbeing and economic or educational returns—rather than adding successive loosely connected benefits.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for public spending, wellbeing, leisure, education, and revenue, but several inaccurate collocations reduce naturalness.
Use standard phrases such as ‘limited budgets’, ‘subsidising leisure activities’, ‘the general public’, ‘in this respect’, and ‘sources of revenue’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence structures is used and meaning remains clear, though article, agreement, punctuation, and clause-boundary errors recur.
Break the long rhetorical sentence in the second paragraph into complete clauses and check articles before singular countable nouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people opine that entertainment or leisure activities should be subsidized by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.