Governments should support care vs finance for retired people while others believe that they should save money when they get older. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
Sample Response
It is true that elderly people who have retired are in great need of care and financial support. Although I accept that the government should look after and financially support them, they need to have their own savings because the national budget does not suffice to pay for everything each citizen needs in their life.
On the one hand, it is necessary for the government to provide care and financial aid for retired citizens because each of them has certain contributions to society. Economically, some people enrich the national budget through the taxes they pay, while others spend money on commodities and services when going shopping, which allows businesses to earn profits and pay taxes as well. Such taxes can be used by the authorities to develop their country, such as building hospitals, and pay for officials like police officers or politicians. As a way of compensation for their devotion in their youth, the government ought to offer the elderly money-related assistance and care services, for example, regular free-of-charge health checkup.
On the other hand, the elderly should not entirely rely on the governmental support as this can cause a huge financial burden on the state budget. However wealthy a country can be, it can hardly satisfy each of their people’s demands, so every individual in society should save their own money to cover their non-essential expenses. Without a sum of savings, they would face a lot of difficulties when they need to afford entertainment or new fashion items. It is not advisable for the government to spend excessive amounts of money on public welfare as this will harm the budget used to solve pressing social issues such as environmental pollution or the housing crisis.
In conclusion, I believe the government should assist retirees with money and take care of them, but it is each retiree that needs to save certain amounts of money to stay financially independent.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural budget phrase Original: does not suffice to pay for Suggested revision: is insufficient to cover Why it matters: Cover is the more natural verb for costs paid from a budget.
- 2. Fix verb construction Original: each of them has certain contributions to society Suggested revision: each of them has contributed to society Why it matters: Contribute is used as a verb here rather than with have plus the noun contributions.
- 3. Use budget collocation Original: enrich the national budget Suggested revision: contribute to the national budget Why it matters: Contribute to a budget is the natural expression for adding tax revenue.
- 4. Fix compensation structure Original: As a way of compensation for their devotion in their youth Suggested revision: To compensate them for their contributions during their working lives Why it matters: The infinitive construction and precise time reference express the intended relationship grammatically.
- 5. Use standard term Original: money-related assistance Suggested revision: financial assistance Why it matters: Financial assistance is the conventional and more concise expression.
- 6. Use plural service noun Original: regular free-of-charge health checkup Suggested revision: regular free health checkups Why it matters: A general recurring service requires the plural noun, and free is sufficient.
- 7. Remove unnecessary article Original: the governmental support Suggested revision: government support Why it matters: Government support is used as an uncountable general noun phrase here.
- 8. Use concessive modal Original: can Suggested revision: may Why it matters: May is the standard modal in this concessive however construction.
- 9. Fix pronoun agreement Original: each of their people’s demands Suggested revision: all its citizens' needs Why it matters: The singular country requires its, and the plural phrase states the general reference clearly.
- 10. Use concise finance term Original: a sum of savings Suggested revision: savings Why it matters: Savings already denotes money set aside, so a sum of is unnecessary.
- 11. Fix afford construction Original: when they need to afford Suggested revision: when they need to pay for Why it matters: People afford an item directly, while need to pay for correctly fits the following objects.
- 12. Use natural lifetime phrase Original: in their life Suggested revision: throughout their lives Why it matters: The plural phrase agrees naturally with the general reference to citizens.
Suggested Rewrites
- does not suffice to pay for is insufficient to cover
- each of them has certain contributions to society each of them has contributed to society
- enrich the national budget contribute to the national budget
- As a way of compensation for their devotion in their youth To compensate them for their contributions during their working lives
- money-related assistance financial assistance
- regular free-of-charge health checkup regular free health checkups
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its balanced, clearly organized discussion, supported by a consistent position that combines public provision with personal responsibility. The main limitation is that some supporting points, particularly about tax contributions and non-essential spending, are less focused or persuasive than the central argument. The highest priority is to sharpen the relevance and depth of examples while polishing occasional awkward collocations and grammatical imprecision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer’s balanced opinion is clear throughout, with generally relevant development on each side.
Make each supporting example more directly persuasive, especially the explanation of personal savings and retirees’ non-essential expenses.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear, balanced progression, with well-controlled paragraphing and cohesive links.
Refine reference words and internal transitions so every supporting sentence connects even more precisely to its paragraph’s central claim.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a flexible range of topic-specific vocabulary, with occasional awkward or imprecise combinations.
Polish collocations such as have contributions and governmental support to make the language consistently natural and exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences are generally accurate and easy to follow, despite a few errors in parallelism, articles, and pronoun agreement.
Check parallel structures and agreement in longer sentences, particularly where examples or concessive clauses are added.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Governments should support care vs finance for retired people while others believe that they should save money when they get older. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.