Some people think that public health is the responsibility of the government, while others believe that individuals should be responsible for their own health. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Who should bear the primary responsibility for public health has long been a subject of debate. While some argue that the government has to safeguard public health, others contend that individuals should take personal responsibility for their own well-being. This essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting an opinion in favour of government-backed public health policy.
Proponents of individual responsibility for public health argue that individuals should take charge of their health by making informed lifestyle choices and adopting healthy behaviours. They emphasise the importance of personal accountability for diet, exercise, and preventive measures such as regular medical check-ups. For example, individuals have the autonomy to choose nutritious food, engage in physical activity, and avoid risky behaviours such as smoking or excessive alcohol consumption. By taking proactive measures to maintain their health, individuals can reduce the burden on public healthcare systems and contribute to their own well-being.
On the other hand, those who believe that public health is the responsibility of the government assert that it possesses the resources, authority, and capacity to implement policies and initiatives that promote the well-being of the population. Governments can establish healthcare systems, enact public health regulations, and allocate funding for disease prevention and health promotion programmes. For instance, many countries have implemented national vaccination campaigns to protect their populations from infectious diseases. These initiatives are coordinated and funded by the government to ensure widespread immunization coverage, thereby preventing the spread of contagious illnesses. Additionally, governments can regulate industries that pose health risks, such as tobacco and fast food, through legislation and taxation, aiming to reduce the prevalence of harmful habits and promote healthier choices.
In conclusion, the government has a greater responsibility as it can provide the necessary infrastructure, regulations, and support, and can create a society where public health is safeguarded, and individuals are empowered to lead healthier lives. Personal awareness is important but state initiatives and policies have greater influences on promoting public health.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise obligation Original: government has to safeguard Suggested revision: government must safeguard Why it matters: 'Must' expresses the claimed public responsibility more directly.
- 2. Use plural noun Original: policy Suggested revision: policies Why it matters: The plural better matches the range of initiatives discussed later.
- 3. Use natural plural Original: food Suggested revision: foods Why it matters: The plural count noun is more natural when referring to different food choices.
- 4. Clarify pronoun reference Original: assert that it possesses Suggested revision: assert that the government possesses Why it matters: Naming the government removes a momentarily ambiguous pronoun reference.
- 5. Keep spelling consistent Original: immunization Suggested revision: immunisation Why it matters: British spelling is more consistent with forms such as 'behaviours' and 'programmes' used elsewhere.
- 6. Name the industries Original: such as tobacco and fast food Suggested revision: such as the tobacco and fast-food industries Why it matters: Tobacco and fast food are products or sectors, so the revision correctly identifies the industries being regulated.
- 7. Add clause comma Original: Personal awareness is important but Suggested revision: Personal awareness is important, but Why it matters: A comma should precede 'but' when it joins two independent clauses.
- 8. Fix noun agreement Original: greater influences on promoting Suggested revision: greater influence in promoting Why it matters: 'Influence' is uncountable in this construction and takes 'in' before the gerund.
- 9. Remove semantic repetition Original: take personal responsibility for their own well-being Suggested revision: take responsibility for their well-being Why it matters: 'Personal' and 'their own' repeat the individual ownership already expressed by 'responsibility'.
- 10. Refine the list Original: personal accountability for diet, exercise, and preventive measures Suggested revision: personal accountability for dietary choices, exercise, and preventive care Why it matters: The revision makes the first and third items more precise and parallel.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: contribute to their own well-being Suggested revision: support their own well-being Why it matters: 'Support well-being' is a more natural collocation for the positive effect of healthy actions.
- 12. Use concise term Original: promote the well-being of the population Suggested revision: promote population health Why it matters: The shorter phrase states the same idea more precisely in a public-health context.
Suggested Rewrites
- government has to safeguard government must safeguard
- policy policies
- food foods
- assert that it possesses assert that the government possesses
- immunization immunisation
- such as tobacco and fast food such as the tobacco and fast-food industries
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its direct coverage of both positions, using well-chosen examples of personal behaviour, vaccination, and regulation to support a clear preference for government leadership. The main limitation is that the conclusion is syntactically crowded and the individual-responsibility side could be evaluated a little more critically. Refine the comparison between the two sides and edit the final sentences for greater precision and control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly and well developed, and the preference for greater government responsibility is clear and supported throughout.
Strengthen the evaluation by explaining more explicitly why government capacity outweighs the case for individual autonomy.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced in focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices supporting clear progression rather than distracting from it.
Make the transition from discussion to final judgement slightly sharper by explicitly synthesising the two responsibilities.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, precise, and well suited to public health policy, with only minor repetition and occasional imprecision.
Vary repeated references to public health and choose a more precise expression than greater influences in the conclusion.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only minor lapses in the final paragraph.
Split the long concluding sentence and check subject-verb agreement to preserve accuracy at the end.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that public health is the responsibility of the government, while others believe that individuals should be responsible for their own health. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.