Should governments or teachers be responsible for what is to be taught in schools?
Sample Response
In modern day society, it is essential for a child to be educated in order for him or her to have success later on in life. Children are typically educated in schools, which are run by the government. The government officials therefore decide what is taught to the children and what is not. Personally, I believe that it is better if governments are responsible for the subject matter covered in school and not the teachers.
It is a common goal to supply all children with the same opportunities in life, meaning that the same core knowledge should be taught to all children to offer them the same benefits. Naturally, some children will be better at certain subjects than others and will therefore obtain a more detailed degree of knowledge, yet every child should be taught the same core knowledge. Education provides opportunities, because certain types of education will enable children to pursue certain careers later on in life.
Supplying the same core knowledge is an essential concept, yet it has not been put into action in several countries. In Germany, for example, the syllabus taught depends on the region of the country. In certain regions, children attend school for thirteen years and in other regions for twelve years. This raises the question whether or not the children obtain the same degree of knowledge and that the children attending school for thirteen years are at an advantage compared to those attending school for twelve years. Already one can see that problems arise when the regional government decides upon the core knowledge taught to students. If teachers had a say in what knowledge should be taught to students, the subject matter would become even more complex. The core knowledge would not only vary from region to region, yet also from school to school, providing unfair advantages and disadvantages for certain students.
In conclusion, the government of a country should decide upon what knowledge is taught in schools, as the situation would become too complex if all teachers were responsible for this aspect.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise verb Original: have success Suggested revision: succeed Why it matters: The verb is more concise and natural than the noun phrase.
- 2. Improve verb choice Original: supply Suggested revision: provide Why it matters: Provide collocates more naturally with opportunities in this context.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: a more detailed degree of knowledge Suggested revision: a deeper level of knowledge Why it matters: A deeper level of knowledge is the more idiomatic expression.
- 4. Remove unnecessary comma Original: opportunities, because Suggested revision: opportunities because Why it matters: A comma should not separate the main clause from this essential reason clause.
- 5. Use simpler verb Original: regional government decides upon Suggested revision: regional government decides Why it matters: Decide does not need upon when it directly governs the object here.
- 6. Correct paired conjunction Original: not only vary from region to region, yet also Suggested revision: vary not only from region to region but also Why it matters: The correlative structure requires not only paired with but also.
- 7. Streamline pronoun structure Original: educated in order for him or her to Suggested revision: educated so that they can Why it matters: The revision avoids a cumbersome pronoun sequence while preserving the purpose relationship.
- 8. Use natural passive form Original: what is taught to the children Suggested revision: what children are taught Why it matters: The revised passive construction is more natural and concise.
- 9. Clarify purpose link Original: to offer them the same benefits Suggested revision: so that they receive the same benefits Why it matters: The clause states the intended result more explicitly.
- 10. Use precise performance verb Original: will be better at certain subjects Suggested revision: will perform better in certain subjects Why it matters: Perform better states academic achievement more precisely than be better.
- 11. Specify area of study Original: certain types of education Suggested revision: particular areas of study Why it matters: Areas of study connects more directly to the subjects and careers being discussed.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: This raises the question whether or not the children obtain the same degree of knowledge and that the children attending school for thirteen years are at an advantage compared to those attending school for twelve years. Suggested revision: This raises the questions of whether the children obtain the same level of knowledge and whether those attending school for thirteen years have an advantage over those attending for twelve. Why it matters: Parallel whether clauses correct the faulty coordination and clarify the two related questions.
Suggested Rewrites
- have success succeed
- supply provide
- a more detailed degree of knowledge a deeper level of knowledge
- opportunities, because opportunities because
- regional government decides upon regional government decides
- not only vary from region to region, yet also vary not only from region to region but also
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops its case through a relevant argument about equal educational opportunity, supported by a specific national example. Its main limitation is that the central idea is repeated and the distinction between regional and national control is not fully clarified. Prioritize sharpening that comparison and trimming repeated references to core knowledge so the reasoning becomes more precise and persuasive.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a clear position and develops a relevant case for government control through explanation and an extended example.
Clarify why national government control would avoid the regional inconsistency described in the Germany example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from equal opportunity to a concrete illustration, with clear paragraphing and generally well-managed links.
Reduce repetition of core knowledge and make the transition from regional variation to teacher-led variation more explicit.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise vocabulary supports the argument, although a few collocations and linking choices are slightly awkward.
Replace expressions such as a detailed degree of knowledge and yet also with more natural, exact alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used with strong control, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Refine coordination in long sentences, especially the whether-or-not sentence, so every clause connects grammatically.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Should governments or teachers be responsible for what is to be taught in schools?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.