Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centres provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
It is a social norm that both parents pursue their career paths outside of the home, and their children are taken care of either by teachers at nurseries or by grandparents. While asking grandparents for help is advantageous in some respects, there are compelling reasons why nursery schools provide the best preparation for children.
There are reasons why some parents are in favour of having their children being looked after by grandparents. The first reason to consider is that unlike childcare centres, grandparents do not usually demand a payment for their service. To some financially disadvantaged families, this can be the most economical choice. Another significant reason is that with grandparents’ support, the children-caretaker ratio can be just a fraction of that at a nursery. This means there will be more eyes to monitor every step the child takes, to assure an environment free of any detriment.
On the other hand, sending children to preschools is a more beneficial solution for a more comprehensive development. With standardised educational methods, these schools may foster both the physical and intellectual growth of children. Children, for instance, can be exposed to a diversity of opinions and backgrounds, thus developing their social skills by negotiating with other kids. In addition to this, healthy and balanced meals for children at these places can be provided according to menus that are tailored to fit the nutrient needs of different ages. Preschool children, as a result, may progress faster than those who are home-schooled, both psychologically and physically.
In conclusion, even though childcare by grandparents may guarantee more attention for the children and help the parents save money, kindergarten is the right place for a greater all-rounded progress of a child. It is recommended that all young children are sent to a proper childcare centre.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: outside of the home Suggested revision: outside the home Why it matters: The shorter form is more natural in formal writing.
- 2. Use the broader term Original: teachers at nurseries Suggested revision: nursery staff Why it matters: “Nursery staff” accurately covers the people who provide care in this setting.
- 3. Remove the extra passive Original: having their children being looked after Suggested revision: having their children looked after Why it matters: The causative structure is “have something done,” so “being” is unnecessary.
- 4. Use a natural collocation Original: demand a payment Suggested revision: charge a fee Why it matters: “Charge a fee” is the standard expression for requiring payment for a service.
- 5. Correct the preposition Original: To Suggested revision: For Why it matters: “For” is needed to identify the families for whom this is an economical choice.
- 6. Use the standard term Original: children-caretaker ratio Suggested revision: child-to-caregiver ratio Why it matters: This is the conventional form for describing the number of children per caregiver.
- 7. Express safety directly Original: to assure an environment free of any detriment Suggested revision: to ensure a safe environment Why it matters: The revision uses the correct verb and conveys the intended meaning concisely.
- 8. Improve the collocation Original: solution for a more comprehensive development Suggested revision: way to support more comprehensive development Why it matters: This phrasing combines naturally with the idea of supporting children's development.
- 9. Use a suitable verb Original: negotiating with other kids Suggested revision: interacting with other children Why it matters: “Interacting” reflects the general social contact described more accurately and formally.
- 10. Correct the collocation Original: fit the nutrient needs Suggested revision: meet the nutritional needs Why it matters: Menus “meet” needs, and “nutritional” is the appropriate adjective here.
- 11. Keep the comparison accurate Original: those who are home-schooled Suggested revision: those who are cared for at home Why it matters: The paragraph contrasts childcare settings rather than formal schooling methods.
Suggested Rewrites
- outside of the home outside the home
- teachers at nurseries nursery staff
- having their children being looked after having their children looked after
- demand a payment charge a fee
- To For
- children-caretaker ratio child-to-caregiver ratio
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay’s strongest feature is its balanced, clearly organised discussion, culminating in an unambiguous preference for childcare centres. The main limitation is occasional imprecision in examples and phrasing, including the shift from grandparental care to home-schooling and several unnatural collocations. The highest-priority improvement is to keep every comparison tightly aligned with the two care options while choosing more idiomatic academic expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are explored with relevant reasons and examples, and the writer maintains a clear preference for formal childcare.
Keep the final comparison focused on grandparental care rather than introducing home-schooling as if it were equivalent.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into focused paragraphs, and its progression and cohesive links are consistently clear.
Strengthen the connection between each example and the precise care arrangement being evaluated.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and appropriately academic, though several collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Use more natural phrases such as 'charge for their help,' 'child-to-carer ratio,' and 'well-rounded development.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a wide variety of sentence forms with strong control and only occasional non-impeding errors.
Correct isolated construction errors such as 'having their children being looked after' to improve grammatical precision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centres provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.