Some people say that People give more emphasize on outlook and spend more time on that than the past. What is your opinion on that? How has this trend changed over the decade?
Sample Response
At the present time, people are concerned about their appearance more than in the past. Throughout history, beauty valued very high. It is believed that human beings nowadays spending more time on their outward than their ancestors did. This will be shown by taking into account comparing past and present usage of cosmetics and plastic operation in our daily life. Firstly, usage of cosmetics was popular since the dawn of time and today's life it isn't an exception. For example, in the past people also applied a lot of cosmetics on their face to look more beautiful, despite that some of them were harmful or even dangerous for life. Nowadays we can see a similar situation, people using cosmetics in spite of that they don't really know what it contains. But in today's world, we have surgery, which can help us to dispose of from our outward shortcomings. As my example shows, there weren't any specific changes in usage but currently, we have more ways to make better our outward appearance. In addition to this, medicine also helps us to hide our shortcomings and one of them plastic surgery operation. Changing of God-given body can be really harmful to your health and even kill you because it has some defects which cause incurable diseases like cancer and papilotomia. Therefore, doctors don't recommend you change your body or face. It's obvious from my example that people ready to all kind of pain and harm only for looking good. Following the analysing at how people used cosmetics in the past and how they use it now, in my view, there was only little change. It has been proven that people ready to all risks just for the beautiful face.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add finite verb Original: spending Suggested revision: spend Why it matters: The clause requires a finite present-tense verb after the subject.
- 2. Use correct noun Original: outward Suggested revision: appearance Why it matters: Outward is normally an adjective, while appearance is the required noun here.
- 3. Correct makeup collocation Original: applied a lot of cosmetics on their face Suggested revision: applied a lot of makeup to their faces Why it matters: Makeup is applied to a face, and the plural pronoun requires faces.
- 4. Fix concessive link Original: despite that Suggested revision: even though Why it matters: Even though correctly introduces the following finite clause.
- 5. Use natural adjective Original: dangerous for life Suggested revision: life-threatening Why it matters: Life-threatening is the idiomatic adjective for something that may endanger life.
- 6. Repair comma splice Original: situation, people using Suggested revision: situation: people use Why it matters: A colon can introduce the explanation, and the clause needs a finite verb.
- 7. Fix clause connector Original: in spite of that Suggested revision: even though Why it matters: Even though correctly introduces the subject-and-verb clause that follows.
- 8. Match plural reference Original: what it contains Suggested revision: what they contain Why it matters: The plural noun cosmetics requires the plural pronoun they.
- 9. Correct verb pattern Original: dispose of from Suggested revision: eliminate Why it matters: Eliminate takes a direct object and expresses removing the perceived shortcomings clearly.
- 10. Clarify appearance flaws Original: our outward shortcomings Suggested revision: perceived flaws in our appearance Why it matters: The revision uses natural noun phrases and clarifies the intended meaning.
- 11. Fix word order Original: make better our outward appearance Suggested revision: improve our appearance Why it matters: Improve expresses the same meaning with correct and concise word order.
- 12. Complete the clause Original: one of them plastic surgery operation Suggested revision: one option is plastic surgery Why it matters: The revision adds a finite verb and removes the redundant noun operation.
Suggested Rewrites
- spending spend
- outward appearance
- applied a lot of cosmetics on their face applied a lot of makeup to their faces
- despite that even though
- dangerous for life life-threatening
- situation, people using situation: people use
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response offers relevant comparisons between past and present beauty practices and identifies cosmetic surgery as a newer means of changing appearance. However, its position on whether concern has increased is inconsistent, development is repetitive, and the single-paragraph structure obscures the progression. The highest-priority improvement is to establish one clear answer to both questions, then develop separate paragraphs with focused comparisons and credible supporting examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses appearance and historical change, but its claim of greater concern conflicts with the conclusion that little has changed, and support is limited.
State a consistent opinion and explain separately how the amount of attention and the available methods have changed over the specified period.
Coherence and Cohesion
A basic line of thought can be followed, but the absence of paragraphing, repetitive conclusions, and weak sentence connections limit progression.
Organise the response into an introduction, one focused paragraph on past-versus-present change, one on the writer’s opinion, and a concise conclusion.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss the topic, but frequent inaccurate word choice and collocation make many expressions unnatural or imprecise.
Use familiar accurate phrases such as “physical appearance,” “cosmetic surgery,” and “take risks” instead of forcing less suitable alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally recoverable, but frequent errors in verb forms, articles, agreement, and sentence boundaries reduce clarity and control.
Build complete sentences with explicit subjects and finite verbs, then check articles and plural forms before attempting longer complex structures.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that People give more emphasize on outlook and spend more time on that than the past. What is your opinion on that? How has this trend changed over the decade?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.