The number of people who are interested in and wearing fashionableclothes is increasing. Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
More and more people today are interested in and have the disposable income to take greater care with their fashion choices. In my opinion, though many fashion companies exploit their workers, this is a positive development overall.
Those who criticise the fashion industry often point out its treatment of workers. The most famous fashion brands like Louis Vuitton and Chanel (as well as footwear makers such as Nike and Adidas) outsource their labour at reduced costs to East Asia. Workers in their factories make subsistence wages and are notoriously mistreated, while the countries in question often have lax child labour laws as well. Exploitive fashion companies then massively inflate prices for their products. Their actions cannot be controlled directly by consumers but nonetheless undermine every innocent transaction at a shopping mall.
Regardless, fashion is an important aesthetic choice for ordinary people. The exploitation of workers ought to be regulated by governments and corporations, not consumers. Those who buy fashionable clothes are trying to express themselves through their attire and the end result of a more fashion-conscious public is greater beauty for onlookers. No one would question the importance of beautiful buildings and public works of art but fashion is arguably more noticeable. Fashion gives not only individuals but also towns, cities, and nations a distinctive flair, without which the world would be blander and less beautiful.
In conclusion, the beauty fashion engenders outweighs any ethical considerations. Governments ought to properly regulate labour so that their citizens can shop and flaunt with a clear conscience.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: take greater care with their fashion choices Suggested revision: pay closer attention to their fashion choices Why it matters: “Pay closer attention to” is a more natural collocation for deliberate consumer choices.
- 2. Introduce examples formally Original: fashion brands like Suggested revision: fashion brands such as Why it matters: “Such as” introduces the examples more precisely in formal writing.
- 3. Clarify outsourcing claim Original: outsource their labour at reduced costs to East Asia Suggested revision: outsource production to East Asia to reduce costs Why it matters: The revision states both the outsourced activity and its purpose more clearly.
- 4. Remove redundant ending Original: lax child labour laws as well Suggested revision: lax child labour laws Why it matters: “As well” is redundant because “while” already adds this related point.
- 5. Correct word form Original: Exploitive Suggested revision: Exploitative Why it matters: “Exploitative” is the standard adjective for practices that unfairly use workers.
- 6. Use precise pricing phrase Original: massively inflate prices Suggested revision: charge heavily marked-up prices Why it matters: The revision describes high retail markups more precisely.
- 7. Clarify transaction wording Original: every innocent transaction at a shopping mall Suggested revision: every purchase made in good faith at a shopping mall Why it matters: Transactions themselves cannot be innocent, so the revision places that meaning on the consumer's purchase.
- 8. Sharpen the contrast Original: Regardless Suggested revision: Nevertheless Why it matters: “Nevertheless” more clearly signals the shift from ethical concerns to the opposing positive case.
- 9. Separate independent clauses Original: attire and the end result Suggested revision: attire, and the end result Why it matters: A comma is needed before “and” because it joins two independent clauses.
- 10. Clarify aesthetic effect Original: greater beauty for onlookers Suggested revision: a more visually appealing society Why it matters: The revision expresses the proposed public aesthetic benefit more naturally.
- 11. Add coordinating comma Original: art but fashion Suggested revision: art, but fashion Why it matters: A comma is needed before “but” because it joins two independent clauses.
- 12. Complete transitive verb Original: shop and flaunt Suggested revision: shop and flaunt their clothes Why it matters: “Flaunt” normally requires an object stating what is displayed.
Suggested Rewrites
- take greater care with their fashion choices pay closer attention to their fashion choices
- fashion brands like fashion brands such as
- outsource their labour at reduced costs to East Asia outsource production to East Asia to reduce costs
- lax child labour laws as well lax child labour laws
- Exploitive Exploitative
- massively inflate prices charge heavily marked-up prices
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response presents a confident, consistent position and develops a sophisticated contrast between labour exploitation and fashion's aesthetic and expressive value. Its main limitation is that the positive case rests heavily on a subjective claim about beauty, so the conclusion that this outweighs ethical harm is not fully demonstrated. The highest-priority improvement is to strengthen that comparison with a clearer causal justification or concrete support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is directly answered through a clear position, relevant counterargument, and well-developed positive case.
Substantiate why aesthetic and expressive benefits outweigh worker exploitation rather than relying mainly on assertion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses fluently through sharply focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used naturally and sparingly.
Make the transition from the ethical drawback to the positive judgment slightly more explicit to sharpen the weighing process.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible, with sophisticated topic language and only isolated awkward phrasing.
Refine occasional expressions such as 'outsource their labour at reduced costs to East Asia' for maximum idiomatic precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is handled accurately, and the great majority of sentences are error-free.
Maintain this control while checking the punctuation of long coordinated sentences for even greater polish.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The number of people who are interested in and wearing fashionableclothes is increasing. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.