In some countries the percentage of 15 year-olds in the population is already significant and is continuing to grow. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this trend?
Sample Response
In the contemporary epoch, there is irrefutable debate among folk about the younger demographic structure in numerous nations in contrast to the past. While it is possible to petition that owing to numerous upsides such as teens are the key valuable assets and young labour workforce. My perspective is that merits outweigh the demerits. In this essay, I am going to examine both edges in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin with, There is copious folk who argue that the benefits of a vast portion of youth considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The most preponderant is that beyond doubt they are more energetic and passionate and can take part in various aspects of life. for instance, the more teenager in a country they can learn their education and after graduation, they start up their business. In addition to this, there are numerous other benefits in various fields. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not only does one benefit more when it comes to being effective, but they can enhance productivity and quality of their lives, with much ease, efficacy, and convenience. Needless to say, all these merits stand out in good stead, as far as augmenting the chances of prosperity and excellence is concerned.
On the other hand, Another pivotal factor in the aforementioned proposition is that it is only likely to help one thrive and excel in varied areas. Besides, when only one follows a system, can they broaden their horizons, hence learning these attributes as dedication and perseverance. as a result, it is apparent why myriad is not in the patronage of the minors population. to cite an example, senior persons have more knowledge and practical skills and they can outperform in a bunch of fields and can compete for any obstacles and challenges thus, the downsides of the stated topic are not undeniable.
In the nutshell, according to the forenamed quarrels. Although there are some non-negligible negative impacts of immature generations. however, the festivity or fruitful advantages it beholds in it far outweigh the ill effects.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: contemporary epoch Suggested revision: modern era Why it matters: This phrase is overly formal and unnatural in this context.
- 2. Choose precise nouns Original: folk Suggested revision: people Why it matters: Folk is an unsuitable collective noun in this formal construction.
- 3. Correct the expression Original: edges Suggested revision: sides Why it matters: Both sides is the standard expression for opposing aspects of an issue.
- 4. Fix agreement and quantity Original: There is copious folk Suggested revision: There are many people Why it matters: The plural noun requires are, and copious does not naturally quantify people.
- 5. Use accurate wording Original: a vast portion of youth Suggested revision: a large proportion of young people Why it matters: Proportion is appropriate for a population share, while youth is awkward here.
- 6. Name the advantage Original: The most preponderant Suggested revision: The most significant advantage Why it matters: Preponderant cannot stand alone here as a noun referring to an advantage.
- 7. Fix the verb phrase Original: one Suggested revision: people Why it matters: One benefit more is not a grammatical expression of the intended general claim.
- 8. Clarify the subject Original: they can enhance productivity and quality of their lives Suggested revision: people can enhance their productivity and quality of life Why it matters: The original shifts from one to they and omits a needed possessive before productivity.
- 9. Correct the idiom Original: out Suggested revision: them Why it matters: The fixed expression is stand someone in good stead.
- 10. Fix capitalization Original: Another Suggested revision: another Why it matters: Another should not be capitalized after the introductory phrase and comma.
- 11. Use the correct pattern Original: these Suggested revision: such Why it matters: Such ... as is the correct structure for introducing examples.
- 12. Capitalize sentence opening Original: as Suggested revision: As Why it matters: The transition begins a new sentence and therefore needs a capital letter.
Suggested Rewrites
- contemporary epoch modern era
- folk people
- edges sides
- There is copious folk There are many people
- a vast portion of youth a large proportion of young people
- The most preponderant The most significant advantage
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response maintains a clear overall preference and uses a basic advantage-versus-disadvantage structure. However, the ideas are thin, repetitive, and sometimes obscured by unsuitable stock phrases and frequent grammatical errors, especially in the disadvantages paragraph. The priority is to replace memorised wording with two directly explained, concrete arguments and express each point in shorter, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear preference is stated, but both sides are developed through vague or sometimes confusing claims rather than sustained, relevant reasoning.
Explain one specific benefit and one specific drawback through clear cause-and-effect reasoning before weighing them directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and basic signposting are visible, although repetition, formulaic transitions, and unclear links weaken progression.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and connect every supporting sentence directly to that idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate word choices and unnatural collocations often obscure the intended meaning.
Prefer familiar, precise vocabulary and check each collocation instead of relying on elaborate memorised expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors with sentence boundaries, agreement, articles, plurals, and capitalisation reduce clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then proofread systematically for agreement and article errors.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries the percentage of 15 year-olds in the population is already significant and is continuing to grow. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this trend?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.