It has been suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
It is advisable for primary children that they should learn to cultivate vegetable crops and also to keep pets and raise them. I believe there are advantages as well as disadvantages. In my opinion, the disadvantages are more than the advantages in this case because I believe it is too early for primary kids to learn this.
On the one hand, if we see the advantages of including the studies of crop cultivation and nurturing animals in the small kid’s syllabus, they can develop a sense of responsibility which can help mould their characters to be vigilant and liable members of society in the future. Also, they would become more empathetic towards the farmer, seeing them working hard and learning that hard labour is the reality for us for getting to eat food. It can also be an alternative career choice for the kids when they grow up. For instance, during the covid-19 pandemic, many people lost their jobs and relocated to rural areas. Some of them found their farming and livestock husbandry skills life-saving.
On the contrary, one of the disadvantages of this can be exposed to various hazardous pesticides and herbicides to kids. This, in turn, can cause injuries like burning, poisoning, or respiratory illness. Apart from this, children are more likely to suffer injuries inflicted by animals. Not only do they suffer from injuries, but also certain infectious diseases, such as rabies or scratches from cats, to name a few. Furthermore, children need to study and gain knowledge for various career prospects. So if they are engaged in farming or keeping animals, chances are they would feel more interested in it and less interested in academic studies.
To conclude, knowledge of crops and animals benefits school-going kids because it allows them to value it. However, its disadvantages outweigh its advantage. While it can harm the kid’s health by exposing them to hazardous fertilizers, they can also catch an illness from the pet if proper care is not taken. Moreover, it will often distract them from their studies.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use comparison verb Original: the disadvantages are more than the advantages Suggested revision: the disadvantages outweigh the advantages Why it matters: 'Outweigh' expresses the comparison accurately and concisely.
- 2. Use formal term Original: primary kids Suggested revision: primary-school children Why it matters: This is a more precise formal term for the age group.
- 3. Use singular study Original: studies Suggested revision: study Why it matters: 'Study' is uncountable when it refers generally to a school subject area.
- 4. Use precise term Original: the small kid’s syllabus Suggested revision: the primary-school curriculum Why it matters: The original singular possessive phrase is informal and does not refer clearly to the whole age group.
- 5. Clarify character outcome Original: mould their characters to be vigilant and liable members Suggested revision: shape them into attentive and responsible members Why it matters: 'Liable' does not mean responsible in the intended positive sense.
- 6. Generalise with plural Original: towards the farmer Suggested revision: towards farmers Why it matters: A plural noun is needed when referring to farmers as a group.
- 7. Use correct structure Original: seeing them working Suggested revision: by seeing them work Why it matters: The means of developing empathy is more clearly expressed with 'by' and the bare infinitive.
- 8. Clarify food production Original: hard labour is the reality for us for getting to eat food Suggested revision: hard work is required to produce food Why it matters: The original wording is repetitive and obscures the intended relationship between labour and food.
- 9. Avoid informal repetition Original: an alternative career choice for the kids Suggested revision: an alternative career choice for them Why it matters: The pronoun avoids repeating the informal noun 'kids'.
- 10. Capitalise proper name Original: covid Suggested revision: COVID Why it matters: The established name of the disease is written in capitals.
- 11. Use contrast transition Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: This paragraph presents the other side rather than directly refuting the preceding statement.
- 12. Use correct noun Original: injuries like burning Suggested revision: injuries such as burns Why it matters: 'Burns' names the injury, while 'burning' describes an action or process.
Suggested Rewrites
- the disadvantages are more than the advantages the disadvantages outweigh the advantages
- primary kids primary-school children
- studies study
- the small kid’s syllabus the primary-school curriculum
- mould their characters to be vigilant and liable members shape them into attentive and responsible members
- towards the farmer towards farmers
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear comparative position and supports both sides with several relevant reasons, including responsibility, health risks, and distraction from study. Development is generally effective, although a few claims and examples are loosely connected and recurring awkward phrasing limits precision. The highest priority is to tighten the reasoning behind each example and improve grammatical control in complex sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed with a clear position and developed arguments on both advantages and disadvantages.
Make the advantage example more directly relevant to primary children and explain the weighing of benefits against risks more explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, balanced body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, with generally effective cohesion.
Strengthen internal paragraph links so every example follows directly from the claim it is intended to support.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic vocabulary is used, though some collocations and referents are imprecise or unnatural.
Refine expressions concerning responsibility, curriculum content, injuries, and appreciation to achieve more natural precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally clear meaning, but recurring errors in clause construction, agreement, and reference remain.
Edit complex sentences for complete grammatical patterns and ensure pronouns and singular-plural forms refer consistently.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It has been suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.