Individuals should not be allowed to carry guns as it increases crime and violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Sample Response
The point that individuals should not be allowed to carry guns due to the potential increase in crime and violence is a contentious and equally dangerous issue. While I understand the concerns regarding public safety, I am inclined to completely disagree with the sweeping generalization that gun ownership inevitably leads to higher crime rates.
On one hand, proponents argue that stricter gun control measures can mitigate the risks associated with firearms. Countries with stringent gun laws, such as Japan and the United Kingdom, have lower gun-related crime rates. This correlation suggests that limiting access to guns can indeed contribute to a safer society. However, it is essential to recognize that other factors, such as socio-economic conditions and cultural influences, also play a significant role in crime rates.
Conversely, a lot many people who are against it contend that responsible gun ownership can enhance personal security. In situations where law enforcement response times may be prolonged due to unforeseen circumstances, individuals with legal access to firearms can defend themselves and their property. Moreover, a blanket ban on guns may infringe upon individual freedoms and the right to self-defense.
In conclusion, while acknowledging the potential risks associated with widespread gun ownership, a nuanced approach is necessary. There should be a balance in the need for public safety with individual rights it becomes extremely crucial in crafting effective gun control policies.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise noun Original: point Suggested revision: claim Why it matters: ‘Claim’ more precisely introduces a debatable statement.
- 2. Improve phrasing Original: due to the potential increase Suggested revision: because of the potential rise Why it matters: This wording expresses the possible change in crime and violence more naturally.
- 3. Fix unclear comparison Original: equally Suggested revision: potentially Why it matters: ‘Equally’ implies an unstated comparison, whereas ‘potentially’ conveys the intended risk.
- 4. Complete linking phrase Original: On one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The standard paired transition begins with ‘On the one hand.’
- 5. Remove doubled quantifier Original: a lot many people Suggested revision: many people Why it matters: ‘A lot’ and ‘many’ cannot be combined as two quantifiers before the same noun.
- 6. Clarify the reference Original: who are against it Suggested revision: who oppose a ban Why it matters: The revision identifies what ‘it’ refers to and makes the contrast clearer.
- 7. Use concise wording Original: law enforcement response times may be prolonged due to unforeseen circumstances Suggested revision: law enforcement responses may be delayed Why it matters: This conveys the same point without unnecessary abstraction and repetition.
- 8. Use precise terminology Original: stricter gun control measures Suggested revision: stricter firearms regulations Why it matters: This phrase names the regulatory approach more concisely and precisely.
- 9. Use cautious wording Original: can indeed contribute Suggested revision: may contribute Why it matters: The modal ‘may’ appropriately reflects that the sentence describes a correlation rather than certainty.
- 10. Make phrasing concise Original: other factors, such as socio-economic conditions and cultural influences Suggested revision: other socio-economic and cultural factors Why it matters: The revision condenses the example list without changing its meaning.
- 11. Use direct verb Original: also play a significant role in crime rates Suggested revision: also significantly influence crime rates Why it matters: A direct verb makes the relationship more concise and precise.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: enhance Suggested revision: improve Why it matters: ‘Improve personal security’ is more natural and direct in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- point claim
- due to the potential increase because of the potential rise
- equally potentially
- On one hand On the one hand
- a lot many people many people
- who are against it who oppose a ban
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear paragraph structure and relevant consideration of both public safety and individual rights, supported by appropriate examples. Its main limitation is an unstable position: the introduction completely rejects the claim, but the conclusion calls only for balance, and the short response limits development; prioritise stating one consistent degree of disagreement and extending the defence of that position with fuller reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The issue is relevantly discussed and both perspectives are considered, but the stated degree of disagreement shifts in the conclusion and development is limited by the short length.
Maintain the same qualified or complete position throughout and add a developed explanation showing why safeguards would make ownership preferable to a ban.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through distinct viewpoints, though some references are vague and the final sentence weakens the otherwise clear flow.
Use precise referents instead of phrases such as against it and separate the concluding claims into clearly linked sentences.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss policy, safety, and rights precisely, but several awkward combinations reduce naturalness and clarity.
Replace expressions such as a lot many people and balance in the need with concise, idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used with generally good control, although the final run-on sentence and a few awkward constructions are noticeable.
Check sentence boundaries and clause linking so that each complex sentence has a complete, clearly connected grammatical structure.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Individuals should not be allowed to carry guns as it increases crime and violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.