In some countries, citizens are allowed to keep a gun in their home. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Discuss and give your opinion.
Sample Response
In many countries, it is allowed for people to keep guns in order to protect their houses from criminals. Some people believe that it has a huge gain for the owners than its drawback. On the other hand, some folks believe that it is inappropriate if every house owner has guns on their desk as it would increase the death rate from gunfire. It is not an easy topic to talk about, but this essay will discuss it.
At first, a number of realms have certain regulation about firearm allowance for the public is caused by security point of view. They claimed that every person has their own right and duty to protect their own belongings, and any trespasser considered as a criminal. Such situations are commonly found in liberalism country, where privacy is the highest priority. What they believe are gradual with their ideology, and law about pistol possession cannot be helped.
However, some thought grew in society. Believe that firearm owning are wrong, because it may harm other people. It is misused by their owner, instead to protect them. Gun sometimes used to hurt or even kill other people. From this, tonnes of people start to argue if it worth enough to let civilian to have their own gun for protection?
The gunshot wounds and death rate from the gunshots is significantly higher in those countries where citizens are allowed to keep guns freely. The possessions of guns often drive people to commit crimes that were otherwise impossible. These events clearly state that there are other better ways of ensuring citizens’ safety rather than allowing having guns and shooting any trespasser.
At last, we could see that firearm allowance is a total doom. At first, it is for protection, but it has become a threat to our society instead of becoming an assured security. I personally believe that people could protect their own lives and houses without guns, and police are more than enough to handle some big crimes that require guns to handle.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural structure Original: it is allowed for people Suggested revision: people are allowed Why it matters: The active structure is clearer.
- 2. Word choice Original: a huge gain Suggested revision: a major benefit Why it matters: Gain is not natural here.
- 3. Plural comparison Original: than its drawback Suggested revision: than drawbacks Why it matters: Use plural drawbacks and a complete comparison.
- 4. Wrong phrase Original: guns on their desk Suggested revision: guns in their homes Why it matters: Desk changes the meaning and sounds accidental.
- 5. Word choice Original: a number of realms Suggested revision: a number of countries Why it matters: Realms is unnatural in this context.
- 6. Plural/article Original: have certain regulation Suggested revision: have certain regulations Why it matters: Regulations should be plural here.
- 7. Unclear clause Original: is caused by security point of view Suggested revision: for security reasons Why it matters: This is much clearer and grammatically correct.
- 8. Missing verb Original: any trespasser considered Suggested revision: any trespasser is considered Why it matters: The clause needs a verb.
- 9. Word form Original: liberalism country Suggested revision: liberal country Why it matters: Use the adjective liberal before country.
- 10. Wrong word Original: gradual with their ideology Suggested revision: consistent with their ideology Why it matters: Consistent expresses agreement with an ideology.
- 11. Sentence fragment Original: Believe that firearm owning are wrong Suggested revision: Some believe that firearm ownership is wrong Why it matters: Add a subject and use ownership is.
- 12. Missing auxiliary Original: Gun sometimes used Suggested revision: Guns are sometimes used Why it matters: Use passive be plus past participle.
Suggested Rewrites
- it is allowed for people people are allowed
- a huge gain a major benefit
- than its drawback than drawbacks
- guns on their desk guns in their homes
- a number of realms a number of countries
- have certain regulation have certain regulations
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses advantages and disadvantages and gives a clear opinion against gun ownership. Development is uneven, and the advantage side is less convincing than the disadvantage side.
Present one clear advantage and one or two stronger disadvantages, then directly compare why one side outweighs the other.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is present and the basic direction is clear. Some transitions are awkward, and several short fragments interrupt coherence.
Use clear topic sentences and avoid sentence fragments such as Believe that firearm owning are wrong.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary attempts topic-specific words, but word choice is often inaccurate or unnatural.
Use common phrases such as gun ownership, firearm regulations, self-defence, and public safety.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors with articles, plurals, verb forms, and clause structure affect clarity. Meaning is generally understandable.
Check every sentence for a complete subject and verb, especially when starting with however or believe.