Individuals should not be allowed to carry guns as it increases crime and violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
The issue of gun ownership and its impact on crime and violence in society has sparked heated debates. Some opine that individuals should not be allowed to carry guns, as it contributes to an increase in crime rates and violence. In this essay, I will present arguments in support of this view and explain why I agree that individuals should not be permitted to carry firearms.
One of the main reasons why individuals should not be allowed to carry guns is the potential for increased crime rates. Studies have shown a correlation between gun ownership and violent crimes. When guns are easily accessible, there is a higher likelihood of impulsive acts of violence and crimes of passion. For example, countries with stricter gun control laws tend to have lower rates of firearm-related homicides. In Australia, after the implementation of stricter gun control measures following a mass shooting incident in 1996, firearm-related deaths significantly declined.
Allowing individuals to carry guns also poses risks to public safety. In situations of heated arguments or conflicts, the presence of firearms escalates the potential for violence. Even in cases of self-defence, the presence of a gun can lead to unintended consequences and the escalation of a situation. For instance, studies have found that individuals with firearms are more likely to experience accidental shootings or have their own weapons used against them. By restricting gun ownership, we can create a safer environment for everyone and reduce the risk of tragic incidents caused by impulsive actions or accidents involving firearms.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the view that individuals should not be allowed to carry guns, as it contributes to increased crime rates and poses risks to public safety. Stricter gun control measures have been proven effective in reducing firearm-related violence in various countries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: debates Suggested revision: debate Why it matters: The uncountable form is more natural when referring generally to public controversy.
- 2. Use general crime term Original: crimes Suggested revision: crime Why it matters: The singular mass-noun form is more natural when discussing this category of crime generally.
- 3. Use concise risk phrase Original: a higher likelihood of Suggested revision: a greater risk of Why it matters: This phrase expresses the danger more directly and concisely.
- 4. Remove unnecessary wording Original: following a mass shooting incident Suggested revision: after a mass shooting Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same meaning without the redundant word "incident".
- 5. Strengthen verb choice Original: also poses risks to public safety Suggested revision: also threatens public safety Why it matters: The single verb states the public-safety effect more directly.
- 6. Make phrasing direct Original: In situations of heated arguments or conflicts Suggested revision: During heated arguments or conflicts Why it matters: The prepositional phrase is more concise while preserving the original circumstance.
- 7. Fix awkward collocation Original: escalates the potential for violence Suggested revision: increases the risk of violence Why it matters: A risk can be increased, whereas "escalates the potential" is an awkward collocation.
- 8. Use precise collocation Original: experience accidental shootings Suggested revision: be involved in accidental shootings Why it matters: People are more naturally described as being involved in an accidental shooting than experiencing one.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Some opine that individuals should not be allowed to carry guns, as it contributes to an increase in crime rates and violence. Suggested revision: Some argue that individuals should not be allowed to carry guns because allowing them to do so contributes to higher crime rates and greater violence. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the ambiguous pronoun "it" and expresses the causal relationship clearly.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Even in cases of self-defence, the presence of a gun can lead to unintended consequences and the escalation of a situation. Suggested revision: Even in cases of self-defence, having a gun can cause unintended harm or escalate the situation. Why it matters: The rewrite removes vague and repetitive wording while preserving both stated risks.
Suggested Rewrites
- debates debate
- crimes crime
- a higher likelihood of a greater risk of
- following a mass shooting incident after a mass shooting
- also poses risks to public safety also threatens public safety
- In situations of heated arguments or conflicts During heated arguments or conflicts
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay states a firm position from the outset and supports it with two logically developed arguments about violent crime and public safety, using a relevant national example. Its main limitation is that the two body sections partly overlap and several research claims remain general rather than fully examined. Prioritise sharper distinction between deliberate violence and accidental harm, and explain the evidence behind each causal claim more precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The question is fully addressed through a clear, consistent position and well-developed arguments supported by relevant examples.
Deepen the causal reasoning by explaining why the cited association between gun access and violence supports prohibition rather than merely indicating correlation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly through a well-managed introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Differentiate the body paragraphs even more sharply by reserving the first for intentional crime and the second for accidents and self-defence risks.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of precise topic vocabulary, including 'crimes of passion', 'firearm-related homicides', and 'unintended consequences', is used naturally.
Reduce repetition of 'presence', 'violence', and 'firearms' through occasional precise substitutions while retaining clarity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are used accurately throughout, with only rare minor ambiguity and no meaningful loss of control.
Ensure pronouns have unmistakable antecedents, particularly in clauses such as 'as it contributes to an increase in crime rates'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Individuals should not be allowed to carry guns as it increases crime and violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.