In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder than others? Is it always a good thing to work hard?
Sample Response
It is undeniable that industriousness always pushes us to surpass our limitations and leads us to success. However, overwork could have adverse outcomes. This essay will first pinpoint why people are encouraged to work hard and then analyse whether it is worthwhile to be diligent on all occasions.
There are several factors why people are willing to endeavour more in the study and work than others. In the educational context, working hard can provide significant rewards for highly motivated students. By performing better, they are entitled to choose their favourite majors and dream schools. In some poor areas where the studying resources are rare, studying hard seems to be the only way to escape poverty and create an entirely new life. From a career perspective, occupational promotion drives employees to outperform others by means of diligence, leading to better chances of higher income and management level. As a result, employees would devote all their passion and enthusiasm to the sustainable development of their companies.
Nevertheless, working long hours may not guarantee success. Instead, it exerts a detrimental influence on health and creativity. Aside from endurance and perseverance, some work requires the ability to work strategically. Some people who always keep busy are simply wasting away their time by working on low-value tasks. Besides, many studies show that overload of work leaves people no time to relax and improve work-life balance, giving rise to stress disorders and other neurological illnesses. As a result, the imagination will dry up, with no novel ideas coming up.
In conclusion, hard work can be a component of success only when applied to the right tasks and activities. The hectic work schedule, which undermines one's health and creativity, is never a risk worth taking.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural verb Original: pinpoint Suggested revision: explain Why it matters: Explain is the natural academic verb for giving reasons.
- 2. Fix the collocation Original: factors Suggested revision: reasons Why it matters: Reasons why is the standard expression for introducing causes.
- 3. Clarify the comparison Original: endeavour more in the study and work Suggested revision: work harder in education and employment Why it matters: The revision supplies the natural comparative construction and removes unnecessary articles.
- 4. Use precise vocabulary Original: studying resources are rare Suggested revision: educational resources are scarce Why it matters: Educational resources and scarce are the appropriate collocations in this context.
- 5. Fix the collocation Original: occupational promotion Suggested revision: promotion prospects Why it matters: Promotion prospects naturally describes an employee's opportunity to advance.
- 6. Use parallel nouns Original: better chances of higher income and management level Suggested revision: better prospects for a higher income and a managerial position Why it matters: The revision uses natural collocations and parallel outcomes.
- 7. Show addition clearly Original: Aside from endurance and perseverance Suggested revision: In addition to endurance and perseverance Why it matters: The argument adds strategic ability to these qualities rather than setting it aside.
- 8. Remove the wrong particle Original: wasting away their time Suggested revision: wasting their time Why it matters: Waste time does not take the particle away in this meaning.
- 9. Use concise wording Original: overload of work Suggested revision: an excessive workload Why it matters: An excessive workload is the natural noun phrase for too much work.
- 10. Choose a precise verb Original: improve work-life balance Suggested revision: maintain a healthy work-life balance Why it matters: Maintain better fits the idea of preserving balance despite heavy work.
- 11. Qualify the claim Original: always pushes us Suggested revision: can push us Why it matters: Can preserves the positive tendency without presenting success as an inevitable result.
- 12. Use a sharper noun Original: outcomes Suggested revision: consequences Why it matters: Consequences more directly conveys the negative effects of overwork.
Suggested Rewrites
- pinpoint explain
- factors reasons
- endeavour more in the study and work work harder in education and employment
- studying resources are rare educational resources are scarce
- occupational promotion promotion prospects
- better chances of higher income and management level better prospects for a higher income and a managerial position
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response answers both questions fully, offering a clear position and well-organised explanations across educational and employment contexts. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision in collocation and phrasing, which makes otherwise sophisticated ideas sound slightly unnatural. The highest-priority improvement is to refine word combinations and qualify a few broad causal claims while preserving the essay's strong logical development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed directly with a clear position and relevant, well-developed reasons and consequences.
Qualify broad claims about illness and creativity with a more precise explanation or concrete example to make the support fully convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear progression, purposeful paragraphing, and cohesive links that guide the reader through the two questions smoothly.
Reduce reliance on overt transition phrases where the logical relationship is already clear, allowing the argument to flow even more naturally.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and topic-appropriate, but recurring awkward combinations occasionally weaken precision and naturalness.
Refine collocations such as “studying resources are rare,” “overload of work,” and “management level” into more idiomatic academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with strong overall control, and the few errors or awkward constructions do not impede meaning.
Review article use, comparative structures, and noun phrasing in longer sentences to make grammatical control consistently precise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder than others? Is it always a good thing to work hard?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.