Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?
Sample Response
There is a growing proportion of the world’s population who decide to have children later in life.The underlying reasons for this trend are varied, and I suppose that the merits would eclipse the downsides.
There are two main factors leading to the decision of delaying childbirth. The first one is because people have the propensity for prioritizing their careers over taking parental roles. Especially in the US and other developed countries, not only men but also women want to stabilize their finance before becoming parents so as to provide their kids with sufficient living condition for their future development. Another explanation for this is that many modern individuals have adopted a fear of taking unwanted custody due to the recent alarming rate of divorce. It is because premature marriages have become common, which usually goes with many couples’ doubt of their marital harmony, deterring their early desire for raising a child. There would be, consequently, fewer kids growing up without fatherhood or motherhood.
However, the drawbacks should not be overlooked. That too many couples following such a trend might exert adverse effects on the population structure, which potentially results in the future aging workforce and hinders social development in the long term. Additionally, it could both heighten the possibility of infertility among mothers at their old age and risk the new-born babies’ mental and physical health. Down Syndrome could be a typical example of the problems that those kids might have to suffer from.
In conclusion, the occupational prioritization and the hesitation over the likelihood of single-parent responsibility could be seen as the root of late childbirth, and I am convinced that the advantages are of more significance.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use task wording Original: would eclipse the downsides Suggested revision: outweigh the downsides Why it matters: Outweigh is the natural verb for comparing advantages and disadvantages.
- 2. Fix noun complement Original: decision of delaying childbirth Suggested revision: decision to delay childbirth Why it matters: Decision is followed by a to-infinitive when stating what is decided.
- 3. Fix clause structure Original: The first one is because Suggested revision: The first is that Why it matters: That correctly introduces the factor after the linking verb.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: have the propensity for prioritizing Suggested revision: tend to prioritize Why it matters: The revision expresses the tendency more naturally and concisely.
- 5. Add required particle Original: taking parental roles Suggested revision: taking on parental roles Why it matters: Take on is the correct phrasal verb for assuming a role.
- 6. Fix financial phrase Original: stabilize their finance Suggested revision: achieve financial stability Why it matters: Finance is not normally used this way to describe a person's stable financial position.
- 7. Use plural noun Original: condition Suggested revision: conditions Why it matters: Living conditions is the conventional plural expression for a person's circumstances.
- 8. Fix verb choice Original: adopted Suggested revision: developed Why it matters: People develop a fear rather than adopt one.
- 9. Clarify responsibility Original: taking unwanted custody Suggested revision: assuming unwanted parental responsibility Why it matters: Custody does not naturally express the broader parental responsibility intended here.
- 10. Improve collocation Original: recent alarming rate of divorce Suggested revision: recent rise in the divorce rate Why it matters: Rise in the divorce rate is the natural construction for describing this trend.
- 11. Clarify reference Original: it could both Suggested revision: delayed childbirth could Why it matters: Naming delayed childbirth removes the unclear pronoun reference and makes both unnecessary.
- 12. Use precise collocation Original: heighten the possibility of infertility Suggested revision: increase the risk of infertility Why it matters: Increase the risk is the conventional collocation for an adverse possibility.
Suggested Rewrites
- would eclipse the downsides outweigh the downsides
- decision of delaying childbirth decision to delay childbirth
- The first one is because The first is that
- have the propensity for prioritizing tend to prioritize
- taking parental roles taking on parental roles
- stabilize their finance achieve financial stability
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response identifies two plausible reasons for delayed parenthood and communicates them through a clear overall structure and varied language. Its main limitation is that the claimed advantages are largely embedded within the reasons paragraph, while the disadvantages receive a separate, fuller discussion, leaving the conclusion that benefits outweigh drawbacks insufficiently demonstrated. The highest-priority improvement is to develop and explicitly compare the benefits and costs before reaching the final judgement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The reasons are relevant and developed, but the advantages-over-disadvantages question is answered unevenly and the final judgement lacks explicit comparative support.
Add a distinct, well-developed advantage and directly weigh its significance against the demographic and health drawbacks.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly through reasons and drawbacks, although the organisation obscures the advantage that is meant to justify the final position.
Separate reasons, advantages, and disadvantages into clearly signposted stages so the evaluative argument is easy to follow.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, but recurring awkward collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace phrases such as stabilize their finance, adopted a fear, and future aging workforce with more idiomatic academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used frequently and meaning remains clear, despite several errors in sentence formation, agreement, spacing, and reference.
Edit long sentences for secure clause structure and clearer pronoun reference, especially in the paragraph discussing drawbacks.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.