Many men and women are making the decision to have children later in life. Why is this trend occurring? What are the impacts of this development on both family and society?
Sample Response
In the past, it was a natural step that a couple would get married fairly young, and then start a family. However, this is no longer the case and the delaying of childbirth is becoming very common. This essay will consider the reasons for this trend and the possible effects on families and society.
The driving force behind this trend is changing employment patterns. As more women have pursued an education and entered the workforce, they tend to marry later and have children later in their life. This is unavoidable in many cases because women cannot combine family and work well due to costly childcare. Another factor is all the other opportunities available to everyone. For example, many men and women choose to travel around the world or take the chance to work in another country, thus delaying settling down.
There are a number of possible impacts on families and society. Firstly, with regards to families, it can be more difficult for older women to get pregnant and they may experience more health problems, such as a miscarriage, high blood pressure or diabetes, during pregnancy. Also, the parents may find the whole experience of bringing up children more tiring if they are older. In one respect it may be positive for society because if people are choosing to work for longer, a country will have a productive workforce. On the negative side though, in the long-term falling fertility rates will mean an aging population with a lack of young people to work and take care of the elderly.
In conclusion, there are several reasons that people are having children later in life, and this can have a number of impacts, both positive and negative. Given the fact that society continues to change, this trend is likely to continue well into the future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Reduce nominalization Original: the delaying of childbirth Suggested revision: delaying childbirth Why it matters: The gerund form is more direct and natural than the heavy noun phrase.
- 2. Avoid overstatement Original: The Suggested revision: One Why it matters: One accurately signals that employment patterns are one of several causes discussed.
- 3. Use fixed expression Original: later in their life Suggested revision: later in life Why it matters: Later in life is the standard idiomatic expression and does not take a possessive determiner here.
- 4. Temper absolute claim Original: This is unavoidable Suggested revision: This can be difficult to avoid Why it matters: The replacement preserves the stated constraint without presenting it as universally inevitable.
- 5. Improve collocation Original: combine family and work well Suggested revision: balance family life and work Why it matters: Balance family life and work is the natural collocation for managing these responsibilities.
- 6. Remove vague wording Original: all the other opportunities available to everyone Suggested revision: the wider range of opportunities available Why it matters: The revision removes the vague absolutes all and everyone while retaining the intended idea.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: chance Suggested revision: opportunity Why it matters: Take the opportunity is the conventional collocation for accepting a work possibility.
- 8. Clarify verb sequence Original: delaying settling down Suggested revision: delaying the decision to settle down Why it matters: The noun phrase avoids the awkward sequence of two consecutive gerund forms.
- 9. Correct fixed phrase Original: regards Suggested revision: regard Why it matters: The fixed expression is with regard to, with regard remaining singular.
- 10. Remove incorrect hyphen Original: in the long-term Suggested revision: in the long term Why it matters: Long term is unhyphenated when it functions as a noun phrase after in the.
- 11. Use natural relative Original: that Suggested revision: why Why it matters: Why is the more natural relative word after reasons in this construction.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: In one respect it may be positive for society because if people are choosing to work for longer, a country will have a productive workforce. Suggested revision: In one respect, this trend may benefit society because people who work longer contribute to a country's productive workforce. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the awkward nested because-if structure and clarifies the causal link.
Suggested Rewrites
- the delaying of childbirth delaying childbirth
- The One
- later in their life later in life
- This is unavoidable This can be difficult to avoid
- combine family and work well balance family life and work
- all the other opportunities available to everyone the wider range of opportunities available
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a balanced, well-developed account of both the causes of delayed parenthood and its effects on families and society, supported by precise and relevant consequences. Its main limitation is that a few explanations, particularly the relationship between childcare costs and delayed childbirth, could be made more nuanced. The highest-priority improvement is to clarify these causal links while retaining the essay’s concise structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All parts of the task are addressed directly through developed reasons and a balanced range of family and societal impacts.
Qualify the claim that delayed childbirth is unavoidable and explain the childcare-cost mechanism more precisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organised, progression is clear, and cohesion supports the argument without distracting from it.
Consider separating the family and societal impacts more explicitly within the third paragraph to sharpen internal progression.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary handles employment, pregnancy, fertility, and demographic consequences effectively.
Replace slightly loose phrases such as all the other opportunities with more exact wording about lifestyle and career choices.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is used with strong control and only minor, non-impeding lapses.
Polish small points of idiom and punctuation, including with regard to families and the placement of parenthetical commas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many men and women are making the decision to have children later in life. Why is this trend occurring? What are the impacts of this development on both family and society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.