In some countries around the world, men and women tend to have their children later in life. Why is this happening? What are the effects on family life and society?
Sample Response
Nowadays, married couples in certain places of the globe delay starting a family. This essay will initially outline the causes of this phenomenon, followed by the adverse influences that will be exerted on an individual household and the wider community.
There are primarily two factors responsible for males and females in some nations preferring to have children later in life. The first one is that young people themselves intend to enjoy a longer period of freedom. Attending to and educating a child requires a great deal of time and effort. If couples step into parenthood early, less or even no time can freely be allocated to other multifarious activities, such as travelling and entertaining. Another point is the high cost of raising children. Providing children with high-quality food, showering them with a range of different toys and offering them the best education are what parents endeavour to do. However, young parents are usually not in an economically stable position, being unable to provide these.
Despite these reasons, there are negative impacts of postponing parenthood both on families and society. To begin with, older parents may find bringing up their offspring tiring. For people in their 40s or 50s, they may not be energetic enough to change nappies and feed a baby at mid-night or play physically demanding games with their young charges. They may also have frequent conflicts with their adolescent children due to a large generation gap. Additionally, social productivity may be damaged. A later childbearing pattern slows the pace of growth and reduces the size of future population as the time between generations is longer and fewer people are being added per year. Thus, there will be a decline in the number of workers in the market.
In conclusion, the pursuit of more freedom and the enormous financial pressure of child-rearing explain why men and women choose to postpone reproduction. Nevertheless, people will no longer enjoy the experience of child-raising, and meanwhile, this trend can lead to a reduction in social productivity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: certain places of the globe Suggested revision: certain parts of the world Why it matters: This is the more natural expression for referring to geographical regions.
- 2. Use human reference Original: males and females in some nations Suggested revision: men and women in some countries Why it matters: Men and women is more natural than the biological labels in this social context.
- 3. Tighten sequencing Original: The first one Suggested revision: The first Why it matters: The shorter expression introduces the first factor more smoothly.
- 4. Simplify intention Original: young people themselves intend Suggested revision: young people want Why it matters: Want communicates the intended meaning more naturally and directly.
- 5. Improve collocation Original: Attending to and educating a child Suggested revision: Caring for and raising a child Why it matters: Caring for and raising is the natural collocation for the full demands of parenthood.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: step into parenthood Suggested revision: become parents Why it matters: Become parents is clearer and more idiomatic in this context.
- 7. Avoid overformal wording Original: multifarious Suggested revision: leisure Why it matters: Leisure activities precisely identifies the type of activities meant here.
- 8. Use parallel nouns Original: entertaining Suggested revision: entertainment Why it matters: Entertainment supplies the noun needed to form a parallel list of activities.
- 9. Fix logical connector Original: Despite these reasons Suggested revision: However Why it matters: However correctly shifts from explaining causes to discussing negative effects.
- 10. Position paired connector Original: impacts of postponing parenthood both on families and society Suggested revision: impacts of postponing parenthood on both families and society Why it matters: Both should directly precede the two coordinated objects it links.
- 11. Add definite article Original: the size of future population Suggested revision: the size of the future population Why it matters: The definite article is needed before this specified future population.
- 12. Remove awkward linker Original: and meanwhile, Suggested revision: and Why it matters: Meanwhile is unnecessary and awkward when simply coordinating the two stated effects.
Suggested Rewrites
- certain places of the globe certain parts of the world
- males and females in some nations men and women in some countries
- The first one The first
- young people themselves intend young people want
- Attending to and educating a child Caring for and raising a child
- step into parenthood become parents
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both causes and effects with clear, well-developed reasoning, especially in linking delayed parenthood to financial insecurity, family strain, and a smaller future workforce. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision and over-formality in phrasing, alongside a conclusion that misstates the family effect; the highest-priority improvement is to use more natural collocations and restate the demonstrated effects accurately.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly with relevant, extended explanations covering personal freedom, costs, family difficulties, and workforce consequences.
Make the conclusion accurately restate the family effects already developed instead of claiming that people will no longer enjoy child-raising.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from two causes to family and societal effects, with clear paragraphing and generally unobtrusive linking.
Strengthen the final progression by making the conclusion mirror the established cause-and-effect structure more precisely.
Lexical Resource
A wide vocabulary conveys the ideas precisely overall, though some expressions are over-formal or unnatural, such as places of the globe and travelling and entertaining.
Choose more idiomatic collocations, such as countries around the world and travel and leisure, while retaining the existing range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are frequent and generally well controlled, with only occasional awkward constructions or reference issues that do not impede meaning.
Revise sentences with duplicated subjects or loose references, especially constructions such as For people in their 40s or 50s, they may.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries around the world, men and women tend to have their children later in life. Why is this happening? What are the effects on family life and society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.