Some people think that government should spend money on health awareness while others argue it is better to spend build hospitals rather than health awareness. Discusses both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Investments in various health sectors by the government always invite controversies both in the developed and underdeveloped countries. The public is always keen about health policies of authorities. Some people hold the opinion that the investing money for health awareness bear better fruit, while others argue that the construction of good hospital bring more beneficial aspects to the public. This essay discusses both the view and adds my own opinion. Some people believe that the money spent on health awareness brings about the prevention and control of several ailments. They point to the fact that the massive changes come about by the appropriate health awareness programs. If citizens become well informed and proactive in health-related matters, we do not need to go the extra mile to prevent the break out of many communicable diseases and epidemic in societies. Over and above, many lifestyle diseases can be prevented as easy as pie by proper health awareness to the public. Some others believe that the spending money to build hospitals and health care centres pay more dividend. They argue that the well equipped and facilitated hospitals are inevitable to treat many serious ailments such as cancer and cardiac problems. In addition, improvements of some genetic diseases such as Down syndrome and Haemophilia call for better hospital care. Apart from that, the accidents and trauma care are practicable only in good health institutional settings. In short, health awareness plays a pivotal role in good health policy. Many lifestyle diseases can be preventable by this attempt. In my opinion, well-equipped hospitals play the significant role in people's health. In the hustle and bustle lifestyle, the accidents and communication diseases are not uncommon. At this juncture, advanced treatment facilities are the necessary part of society. Health is wealth and investing the money on hospital constructions bears better fruit than any other form of investment in the health sector. It brings in an optimum level of health among the citizen.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: invite controversies Suggested revision: cause controversy Why it matters: Cause controversy is the natural collocation in this context.
- 2. Use possessive form Original: health policies of authorities Suggested revision: the authorities' health policies Why it matters: The possessive form expresses the relationship more naturally.
- 3. Remove incorrect article Original: the investing money Suggested revision: investing money Why it matters: A gerund phrase does not take the definite article in this construction.
- 4. Match subject and verb Original: bear Suggested revision: bears Why it matters: The singular gerund phrase requires the verb bears.
- 5. Use plural noun Original: hospital Suggested revision: hospitals Why it matters: Hospital must be plural when referring generally to multiple facilities.
- 6. Fix agreement and wording Original: bring more beneficial aspects Suggested revision: brings greater benefits Why it matters: The singular subject requires brings, and benefits is the natural noun.
- 7. Use plural after both Original: both the view Suggested revision: both views Why it matters: Both must modify the plural noun views.
- 8. Use clearer verb Original: adds Suggested revision: gives Why it matters: Gives is the natural verb for presenting an opinion.
- 9. Use natural phrasing Original: massive changes come about by Suggested revision: significant changes result from Why it matters: Result from expresses the causal relationship accurately and naturally.
- 10. Use noun form Original: break out Suggested revision: outbreak Why it matters: The sentence requires the noun outbreak rather than the phrasal verb.
- 11. Use parallel plurals Original: epidemic Suggested revision: epidemics Why it matters: Both coordinated count nouns should be plural in this general statement.
- 12. Use formal linker Original: Over and above Suggested revision: Moreover Why it matters: Moreover is a clearer academic additive linker.
Suggested Rewrites
- invite controversies cause controversy
- health policies of authorities the authorities' health policies
- the investing money investing money
- bear bears
- hospital hospitals
- bring more beneficial aspects brings greater benefits
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly discusses both spending priorities and gives an unambiguous preference for hospitals, with relevant explanations for prevention and treatment. Its main limitation is reduced control of organisation and language: the single-block presentation obscures the argument's stages, while frequent agreement, article, and collocation errors weaken precision; the highest-priority improvement is to structure the discussion into purposeful paragraphs and edit sentences for grammatical accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed with relevant reasons and examples, and the preference for hospital investment is clearly stated and supported.
Strengthen the discussion by evaluating the relative limits of awareness campaigns and hospital provision rather than treating their benefits separately.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a discernible sequence and uses clear transitions, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph substantially weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction, each view, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with one controlling idea in each.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of health-related vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and occasional informal wording reduce precision.
Replace awkward combinations such as facilitated hospitals and pay more dividend with natural, context-appropriate academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex forms communicates the main ideas, although frequent agreement, article, and noun-form errors weaken control.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and article use, then proofread each sentence for complete and correctly formed noun phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that government should spend money on health awareness while others argue it is better to spend build hospitals rather than health awareness. Discusses both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.