Some people say that when deciding how taxes are spent, government should prioritize health care. Others think that there are more important priorities for tax-payers’ money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The allocation of tax-payer funds has been the topic of much debate. While some support the idea of prioritising investment in the healthcare system, opponents maintain that other areas deserve greater attention from the government. In this essay, I will elaborate on both sides of the debate and the reasons why I lean toward the latter opinion. On the one hand, prioritising investment in health care offers multifaceted benefits. Foremost among these is the availability of effective treatment for patients. Governmental budgets can be allocated to various projects encompassing drug research, medical equipment purchases and doctor training. These projects consequently can enhance not only the effectiveness but also affordability of medical remedies, contributing to the overall improvement of patients. Furthermore, additional funding allows the enhancement of general public health. Specifically, it provides necessary resources for various health-awareness campaigns to promote hygiene and healthy lifestyles, which are essential for fostering healthier citizens for a more robust economic growth. However, some individuals argue for prioritizing other sectors such as education and national security over health concerns. They assert that education provides essential conditions for children to acquire vital skills and qualities, which are conducive to a high-quality workforce. These skilled workers and intellectuals can contribute to addressing more diverse social issues including housing, the environment and poverty. In addition, national security ensures the safety and stability of a country. Without adequate resources directed towards this issue, a nation might become vulnerable to various internal and external threats, ranging from terrorism to cyberattacks and geopolitical conflicts. In conclusion, both points of view have their own merits. Nevertheless, I am of the opinion that education and defense systems should be the top priorities in regards to investments made by tax-payers’ money as they can address various social problems and safeguard a country’s stability. It is also imperative for governments to consult various stakeholders to devise a comprehensive transparent spending plan to ensure the effectiveness of these investments.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Place adverb naturally Original: consequently can Suggested revision: can consequently Why it matters: Placing the modal before the adverb produces the more natural verb sequence.
- 2. Complete parallel structure Original: but also affordability Suggested revision: but also the affordability Why it matters: The second coordinated noun phrase needs the article to match the effectiveness.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: remedies Suggested revision: treatment Why it matters: Medical treatment is the natural term for care provided to patients.
- 4. Clarify patient outcome Original: overall improvement of patients Suggested revision: overall well-being of patients Why it matters: Patients themselves are not improved; their health or well-being is.
- 5. Use a direct verb Original: allows the enhancement of Suggested revision: can improve Why it matters: The direct verb makes the claim clearer and less nominalised.
- 6. Add definite article Original: provides necessary resources Suggested revision: provides the necessary resources Why it matters: The definite article is appropriate because the sentence refers to the resources required for the stated campaigns.
- 7. Fix uncountable noun Original: for a more robust economic growth Suggested revision: for more robust economic growth Why it matters: Economic growth is uncountable here and does not take the article a.
- 8. Remove unsupported comparison Original: more diverse social issues Suggested revision: diverse social issues Why it matters: More introduces a comparison that the sentence does not establish.
- 9. Correct preposition phrase Original: in regards to investments made by tax-payers’ money Suggested revision: regarding the use of taxpayers’ money Why it matters: Regarding is the standard form, and money is used rather than made to fund public spending.
- 10. Separate coordinate adjectives Original: comprehensive transparent spending plan Suggested revision: comprehensive, transparent spending plan Why it matters: A comma is needed between the coordinate adjectives comprehensive and transparent.
- 11. Use direct wording Original: multifaceted Suggested revision: multiple Why it matters: Multiple states the intended idea more directly without overstating the complexity of the benefits.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: Governmental Suggested revision: Government Why it matters: Government budgets is the more natural phrase for public spending allocations.
Suggested Rewrites
- consequently can can consequently
- but also affordability but also the affordability
- remedies treatment
- overall improvement of patients overall well-being of patients
- allows the enhancement of can improve
- provides necessary resources provides the necessary resources
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response offers a clear opinion, relevant development of both views, and a strong range of complex language. Its main weakness is the absence of paragraph breaks, which makes the progression visually dense despite effective internal signposting; several awkward collocations also reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the essay into purposeful paragraphs, then revise unnatural phrases so the well-developed argument reads more fluently.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses both positions in depth, maintains a clear preference, and supports its main ideas with relevant explanations.
Keep the conclusion tightly focused on the stated preference by linking the final stakeholder recommendation more directly to the tax-priority question.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical sequence and uses clear signposting, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph significantly weakens organization.
Separate the introduction, each main viewpoint, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with one controlling purpose each.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates broad topic vocabulary, though recurring awkward collocations sometimes make otherwise sophisticated ideas sound unnatural.
Revise phrases such as those concerning patient improvement, economic growth, and taxpayer-funded investment for more idiomatic precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex sentences is used with good control, and errors are generally minor and non-impeding.
Polish article use, parallel constructions, and punctuation between paired adjectives to increase accuracy across the longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that when deciding how taxes are spent, government should prioritize health care. Others think that there are more important priorities for tax-payers’ money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.