Healthcare cost is increasing, and many governments are finding it difficult to balance their healthcare budget. To tackle this issue, some people suggest that citizens should be solely responsible for their own healthcare costs with private health insurance, while others suggest that the government should provide free health services for all. Disccuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
A health care system is a very important part of a country as it is a key factor for the developed countries. Some countries take the responsibility of the citizen's health and provide free medical care whereas other countries think it is an individual’s responsibility. I would support the second opinion as I believe that the health insurance is affordable and it helps to get the better services.
"Nothing is free in this world", this saying is true when it comes to free medical services. Though some countries provide free medical facilities, they indirectly get that money from civilians via tax. For instance, in Australia the health service is completely free, however, the income tax is as high as 35%. On the other hand, the insurance could be economical. For example, a person is earning a thousand dollars a week can afford 50 dollars for the insurance premium. Moreover, if the income increases, it is not mandatory that the premium would also increase. It is understood that some people might not be able to afford health expenses. However, due to growing competition between insurance companies, many affordable plans are available in the market. It could be argued that if an individual has to pay for his health, he can ignore it and that could result in an unhealthy nation in long-run. However, a free service could encourage the unnecessary visits as well. It is certainly an individual's responsibility to take care of his own health. Moreover, if hospitals have only those patients who are unwell then they could provide better service. For example, when a hospital has one hundred patients out of which only thirty patients are sick, hospitals still has to spend a considerable amount of time with other seventy patients. Patients who are actually sick could receive a far better service and attention if the remaining seventy could be eliminated. I believe a government could focus more on other areas like infrastructure development where individual cannot contribute. Health care issue could be taken care by people with the help of insurance and better lifestyle.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve collocation Original: key factor for the developed countries Suggested revision: key feature of developed countries Why it matters: This wording is more natural and precise in context.
- 2. Correct preposition Original: take the responsibility of Suggested revision: take responsibility for Why it matters: The standard construction is 'take responsibility for'.
- 3. Use plural possessive Original: the citizen's health Suggested revision: citizens' health Why it matters: The statement refers to citizens generally, so a plural possessive is needed.
- 4. Remove article Original: the health insurance Suggested revision: health insurance Why it matters: The uncountable noun phrase is used generally and does not need 'the'.
- 5. Remove article Original: the better services Suggested revision: better services Why it matters: The general plural noun phrase does not take 'the' here.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: via tax Suggested revision: through taxes Why it matters: The plural form and preposition express the funding method naturally.
- 7. Use concise term Original: the health service Suggested revision: healthcare Why it matters: This term refers more precisely to the system of medical services.
- 8. Fix sentence boundary Original: completely free, however, Suggested revision: completely free; however, Why it matters: A semicolon is needed before the conjunctive adverb joining two independent clauses.
- 9. Remove article Original: the insurance Suggested revision: insurance Why it matters: Insurance is being discussed generally, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 10. Fix sentence structure Original: a person is earning Suggested revision: a person earning Why it matters: A reduced relative clause correctly modifies 'a person' in this structure.
- 11. Clarify meaning Original: it is not mandatory that Suggested revision: this does not necessarily mean that Why it matters: The original phrase does not express the intended lack of an inevitable increase clearly.
- 12. Use precise wording Original: pay for his health Suggested revision: pay for their healthcare Why it matters: People pay for healthcare, not for their health itself, and singular 'they' keeps the reference general.
Suggested Rewrites
- key factor for the developed countries key feature of developed countries
- take the responsibility of take responsibility for
- the citizen's health citizens' health
- the health insurance health insurance
- the better services better services
- via tax through taxes
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay maintains a clear preference for privately funded healthcare and supports it with relevant points about taxation, insurance affordability, and pressure on hospitals. Its main limitation is that the case for government-funded care is acknowledged only briefly, while some examples rely on doubtful assumptions. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the opposing view fairly before explaining why the chosen position remains stronger.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response presents a clear opinion and relevant supporting ideas, but the argument for free government healthcare is much less fully developed than the preferred view.
Give a distinct, well-supported explanation of why universal public care could benefit people who cannot afford private insurance before rebutting it.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas generally progress from taxation and affordability to individual responsibility and hospital demand, though the very long body paragraph weakens organisation.
Divide the discussion into separate paragraphs for public provision, private responsibility, and the final evaluation of the two views.
Lexical Resource
The essay has sufficient vocabulary for healthcare financing and personal responsibility, but several collocations and references are awkward or imprecise.
Use more natural phrases such as publicly funded healthcare, insurance premiums, and unnecessary appointments, and avoid referring to patients as people who could be eliminated.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the argument, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, and clause construction reduce accuracy.
Proofread noun phrases and verb patterns, especially forms such as a person earning, hospitals still have, and issues could be taken care of.