Nowadays it is more difficult for children to concentrate to pay attention in school. Discuss the causes and propose some solutions.
Sample Response
It is true that children face a lot of strains these days while sitting in a classroom and they cannot focus on their academic study well due to various reasons. Even though there are certain problems, parents and teachers can take proactive steps to mitigate this issue completely.
There are many reasons behind the lack of concentration by children in schools. First and foremost, children often tend to use mobile phones or laptops as they are greatly influenced by advanced technology. As a result, they cannot stay a long time in a conventional classroom without operating such devices. Naturally, they develop discomfort in the classroom and they fail to attend whole class with higher concentration, whereas their mind will be in newer electronic gadgets instead of academic subjects. Moreover, since children have much more workload to study in schools in a limited time frame, they always try to save time as much as they can. For example, most of the pupils skip their meals, particularly breakfast to get a few amount of time for studying. This habit would negatively affect the physical health status of them, which will reduce the concentration ability. Besides, obviously, they become fatigued and weak because of the decreased level of glucose and energy. Environmental pollution and eating habits are two other reasons to affect students physically and mentally. This causes them to focus less on classes. Moreover, family issues, parents’ lack of attention and scarcity of qualified teachers are some other reasons that create this problem.
However, these issues can be addressed effectively if certain steps are taken by parents and teachers. I believe the most obvious solution is that parents should control their children in the use of technological devices such as iPad, computers and smartphones, which helps to avoid physical and psychological health issues to a greater extent. It also reduces wavering nature of mind considerably and attention span would increase vastly. A further step would be - teachers and parents should teach students proper time management skills. Therefore children can fulfil responsibilities and duties without consuming more time. Another possibility is that nutritional lessons should be arranged in the school setting for improving the awareness among children regarding the adequacy of well-balanced diet while studying. Establishing schools in a calm and beautiful place, adding more fun while learning, arranging training for teachers regarding their behaviours towards children and a maintaining a healthy child-parent relationship can boost up the children’s attention in classrooms.
To conclude, despite certain causes for the lack of children’s attention in classes, parents and teachers can solve this issue properly if they take correct precautions. So I hope concerned authority will consider these methods, while students possess such problems.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Word choice Original: strains Suggested revision: pressure Why it matters: "Pressure" is more natural for school difficulties.
- 2. Plural/general noun Original: academic study Suggested revision: academic studies Why it matters: Use plural for school subjects and work in general.
- 3. Missing preposition Original: stay a long time Suggested revision: stay for a long time Why it matters: Use "for" with a period of time.
- 4. Article missing Original: attend whole class Suggested revision: attend the whole class Why it matters: Use an article before "whole class".
- 5. Number agreement Original: their mind will be Suggested revision: their minds will be Why it matters: The plural subject "children" needs plural "minds".
- 6. Natural phrase Original: newer electronic gadgets Suggested revision: electronic devices Why it matters: This is clearer and less awkward.
- 7. Quantifier error Original: much more workload Suggested revision: a much heavier workload Why it matters: Use "heavier" with workload.
- 8. Quantifier error Original: a few amount of time Suggested revision: a small amount of time Why it matters: Use "amount" with uncountable nouns.
- 9. Natural noun phrase Original: health status of them Suggested revision: their physical health Why it matters: This is more concise and grammatical.
- 10. Natural wording Original: concentration ability Suggested revision: ability to concentrate Why it matters: This is the more common expression.
- 11. Unnatural phrase Original: wavering nature of mind Suggested revision: mental restlessness Why it matters: The original phrase sounds unnatural.
- 12. Add comma Original: Therefore children Suggested revision: Therefore, children Why it matters: Use a comma after the introductory linker.
Suggested Rewrites
- strains pressure
- academic study academic studies
- stay a long time stay for a long time
- attend whole class attend the whole class
- their mind will be their minds will be
- newer electronic gadgets electronic devices
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses both causes and solutions with several relevant ideas, although some points are listed rather than developed deeply.
Choose fewer causes and solutions, then explain each one with a clearer cause-effect link.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is clear, but the body paragraphs are long and some ideas are piled together near the end.
Group related causes and solutions into smaller, more controlled paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and mostly appropriate, but some collocations are unnatural, such as "wavering nature of mind" and "scarcity of qualified teachers" in this context.
Use simpler precise phrases when a formal phrase sounds forced.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is clear, but articles, quantifiers, prepositions, and sentence structure errors are frequent.
Check countable nouns and article use, especially before school/classroom/authority.