Successful sport professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions.Some people think this is fully justified while others think itis unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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Sample Response
There are controversial views about whether the top sport stars should earn higher salariesget a higher salary than people working in other crucial professions. In my opinion, I believeIn my opinion , i believe that it is unfair for athletes to earn more money .
There are two key reasons why successful sport professionals deserve high salaries. Firstly , the career span of professional athletesthe profession of sport stars is relativelytruly short. Moreover, they need to undergo intense training and face the mental pressure of competitions throughoutover the year, which makes them feel their salaries are hard-earnedearned very hard. There is also a possibility that their careers might be ended prematurelyprematurely ended due to physical injuries. Therefore, such high remuneration is justified.a high salary is deserved.
Admittedly,athletes bring entertainment value to the public and their hard work cannot be ignored. However, some athletes'But Some athletes' misconductbad behaviors displayed in public places can have a negative influence on younger people and children. However,some people think it is not worth it. Thethe contribution value of athletes to society is less than that of the other occupations, such as doctors and teachers. They are using their professional knowledge to treat diseases and cultivate the next generation for societyfor the society. But their salaries are much lower.
In concluding. Although the top sports stars generate substantial commercial valuestar make lots of commercial values,but,i consider that It is unfair to other professionsunfair other occupations .
Why this response received Band 5.0
文章涵盖了题目要求的双方观点并给出了个人立场,但整体字数未达到250字的最低要求且论证较为欠缺。主要问题在于语言准确度较低,存在较多语法、标点和拼写规范错误,同时衔接词使用不够恰当。建议增加字数与具体例证充实论点,并重点提高句型准确性与规范标点书写。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务回应
文章回应了讨论双方观点并给出个人立场的指令,但字数未达标且部分论点缺乏深入解释和具体例证支持。
针对双方观点分别补充1-2句具体的解释或例证,确保字数在250字以上并充实论证过程。
连贯与衔接
文章采用了基本的段落划分,但部分段落过渡较为生硬,且存在逻辑连词重叠及标点误用导致的断层。
避免使用“Although...but”等连词重叠结构,并注意句首大写与标点空格的规范以提升段落流畅度。
词汇资源
使用了部分与话题相关的词汇,但词汇量相对有限,且存在多处表达不地道或搭配不当的情况。
积累并替换不地道的表达(如将“the profession...is truly short”改为“their career span is short”),提高搭配准确性。
语法多样性与准确性
能够使用简单句和部分复合句,但存在频繁的语法错误、大小写误用(如小写“i”)以及标点符号格式问题。
加强基础语法与标点规范的检查,特别是人称代词“I”的大写以及句号后的首字母大写。