Topic: Successful sport professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions.Some people think this is fully justified while others think itis unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
There are controversial views about whether it is fair that successful sports professionals, such as famous football players and basketball stars, can earnbasketball stars can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people reckon this is fully justified, while others think it is unfair. In this essay, I will discuss both views and give my own opinion.
There are three key reasons why some people think high salaries for athletes are fair. Firstly, athletes have unique talents. Not everyone can play sports at a very high level. They spend many years training hard, which is why they deserve high pay. Secondly, the sportspay.And then, the sports industry generates substantial revenue from television broadcasting and tickettickets sales. Since athletes are the primary draw for spectators, they deserve a share of the profits. FinallyAlso, professional athletes enjoy a relatively fleeting window in their careerscarees. They can only play for a few years, so they need to earn enough money for the rest of their lives.
However,there are others arguing that it is unfair givenseeing that other professions are more important to society. In particular, doctors save lives and teachers educate the next generation. These jobs are very difficult and essential, but they do not get paid as much as athletes. If a football player earns more in one month than a doctor does in a whole year, this is widely perceived as unfairit feels very unfair. Society needs healthy and educated people more than it needs entertainment.
In conclusion,my view is that although athletes work hard and have special skills, it is not completely fair that they earn so much more than doctors and teachers. Their earnings stem purely from the entertainment industryTheir money is just for entertainment, but doctors and teachers help build a better society. Therefore, I think important professions should be paid much more than they are now.
Why this response received Band 7.5
文章结构完整且切题,清晰讨论了双方观点并阐明了个人立场。写作亮点在于自然恰当地使用了较高阶的词汇表达,主要提升空间在于对核心论点的进一步深度拓展与论证。建议在论述部分增加具体例证或更深入的因果链条,以使论据更加丰满有力。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务回应
文章完整回答了题目要求,全面讨论了两种观点并给出了明确的个人立场。
尝试对个别论点(如运动员职业生涯短暂)进行更深入的分析或补充实例,使论证更具说服力。
连贯与衔接
段落划分清晰合理,逻辑推进连贯,衔接词的使用整体自然。
增加段落内部句与句之间的逻辑过渡,减少列表式的连接词(如Firstly, And then, Also)。
词汇资源
词汇量丰富且使用精准,成功运用了如fleeting window和primary draw等地道表达。
注意个别拼写细节和排版空格(如carees拼写错误),保持词汇输出的稳定性。
语法多样性与准确性
能够熟练运用多种复合句式,语法准确度较高,标点符号使用基本规范。
注意标点与单词之间的空格规范(如However,there),进一步丰富高级句型的多样性。