Rapid technological change has shaped the world we live in today. Far from having a positive influence, living in the high-tech world dependent on computers and mobile devices has distracted us from what is really important in life. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
No one can deny that the technology has become an integral part of our daily lives. Aside from all beneficial applications that we have living in, this fast moving world dependent on computers and mobile phones has distracted us from what is really worth in life. I completely agree with this statement because of both the family as well as health concerns. On the one hand, there is no doubt that the new technology offers new possibilities in all workplaces; for example, it increases productivity and also saves much of time, people now can work in real time, they do not have to wait to return to their offices to update records or to make a note, instead they directly access their emails and doing whatever they need even if they are at home. On the other hand, many people although they agree on that it makes our life easier, it also complicates our relationships with families and the general public. For instance, no one now is ready to spend time and money to reach relatives in their homes, they just satisfied by texting them messages or calling the, this result in a big gap between young adult and their parents and grandparents, this may be due to the fact that children spend most of their time online studying or enjoying social websites and older people find this a little boring so both have nothing to share. In this way, we can see clearly how technology affects our relationships adversely. Moreover, technology also has a detrimental effect on our health and fitness, best example would be the young children who now find activities too easy by playing sport on screens, what is more, it makes us forget useful skills for example, fewer people are able to do mental arithmetic than in the past so traditional skills are being undermined. A case in point is many of these skills are in danger of dying out completely. To conclude, technology is a great invention as long as we use it in a balanced way not allowing it to ruin our relationships or missing the true joy of life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove definite article Original: the technology Suggested revision: technology Why it matters: Technology is used as a general uncountable noun here and does not take the.
- 2. Repair noun phrase Original: all beneficial applications that we have living in Suggested revision: all the beneficial applications in our lives Why it matters: The original relative clause is incomplete and does not express the intended context clearly.
- 3. Use correct adjective Original: what is really worth in life Suggested revision: what is truly worthwhile in life Why it matters: Worthwhile is the adjective needed to describe what has genuine value.
- 4. Use parallel coordination Original: because of both the family as well as health concerns Suggested revision: because of concerns about both family life and health Why it matters: Both requires parallel coordinated nouns rather than both...as well as.
- 5. Correct quantity phrase Original: much of time Suggested revision: a great deal of time Why it matters: The uncountable noun time requires a valid quantity expression.
- 6. Mark transition clearly Original: instead they directly access Suggested revision: instead, they can directly access Why it matters: The transition needs a comma, and can completes the parallel account of present ability.
- 7. Use parallel verb Original: doing Suggested revision: do Why it matters: Do must be parallel with access after the modal can.
- 8. Repair subordinate clause Original: many people although they agree on that Suggested revision: although many people agree that Why it matters: The subordinating conjunction must introduce the subject, and agree takes a that-clause without on.
- 9. Use plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The general reference to many people's lives requires the plural noun.
- 10. Add possessive determiner Original: relationships with families Suggested revision: relationships with our families Why it matters: Our is needed to identify whose families are involved.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: spend time and money to reach relatives in their homes Suggested revision: spend time and money visiting relatives in their homes Why it matters: Visit relatives is the natural expression for travelling to see them.
- 12. Add verb and preposition Original: they just satisfied by Suggested revision: they are satisfied with Why it matters: The passive adjective requires are and is followed by with.
Suggested Rewrites
- the technology technology
- all beneficial applications that we have living in all the beneficial applications in our lives
- what is really worth in life what is truly worthwhile in life
- because of both the family as well as health concerns because of concerns about both family life and health
- much of time a great deal of time
- instead they directly access instead, they can directly access
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear position that excessive dependence on technology harms family relationships, health, and traditional skills, supported by a detailed family example. Its main limitation is control: the entire essay is one paragraph, several ideas are joined into very long run-on sentences, and the health point is only loosely explained. Prioritise paragraphing and complete, accurately punctuated sentences before adding further detail.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay maintains a clear position, acknowledges a benefit, and develops relevant concerns about relationships, health, and lost skills, though development is uneven.
Explain the health effect directly through reduced physical activity and connect it clearly to what is important in life.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a recognisable sequence, but the absence of paragraphing and frequent run-on sentences make progression difficult to follow in places.
Create separate paragraphs for the introduction, benefits, family relationships, health and skills, and conclusion, each with a clear topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range for technology, work, relationships, and health, but frequent unnatural collocations reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as “save time,” “visit relatives,” “communicate by text,” “social media,” and “lose sight of what matters.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of clause types is attempted, but frequent comma splices, agreement errors, missing words, and faulty verb forms weaken accuracy and sometimes clarity.
Break long strings of clauses into complete sentences and check every verb for a clear subject, correct agreement, and consistent form.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Rapid technological change has shaped the world we live in today. Far from having a positive influence, living in the high-tech world dependent on computers and mobile devices has distracted us from what is really important in life. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.