In some countries, people have more money to spend than they had earlier, due to which they are buying more and more things. Do you think it is a positive development or negative?
Sample Response
Due to the burgeoning technology, earning resources of the masses have also escalated in a few nations. Currently, people possess a lot of wealth, and they spend their money in order to buy more and more things. In my perspective, it is a negative development as their shopping habits can make them pauper and it has a great threat to physical surroundings.
At the outset, now individuals are wealthier than in the past, and they utilize their money to buy more products. Thus excessive shopping makes them pauper. To exemplify it, now the availability of many shopping apps has made the masses extravagant, and they don’t hesitate to spend money purchasing the products in vogue. They get attracted by the glossy look of the products without knowing the real usage of that one. So, after spending a lot of money, they become penniless. Many famous celebrities are the classic example of this attitude, and when they are unable to pay the debt, they commit suicide. So the spendthrift attitude of people becomes a real cause of their ruin.
Moreover, unnecessary purchasing have a detrimental impact on the environment. People now live in use and throw society. Compulsive buyers, after using their products, discard them. For instance, to beautify the house, now a vast array of commodities are available in the market. Wooden furniture has made people spend lavishly. People discard the old one and purchase the new one. Resultantly, deforestation takes place, and wildlife is on the verge of extinction. Therefore, inhuman activities deteriorate the environment.
To conclude, Thus having plenty of wealth made people shopaholics, and it has posed a serious threat to biodiversity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: Due to the burgeoning technology Suggested revision: Due to technological advances Why it matters: This phrase expresses technological development more naturally and precisely.
- 2. Correct income term Original: earning resources Suggested revision: sources of income Why it matters: 'Sources of income' is the standard expression for ways of earning money.
- 3. Choose suitable verb Original: escalated Suggested revision: increased Why it matters: 'Increased' is the natural verb for describing growth in sources of income.
- 4. Correct preposition Original: In Suggested revision: From Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'from my perspective'.
- 5. Correct complement form Original: shopping habits can make them pauper Suggested revision: shopping habits can impoverish them Why it matters: 'Pauper' is a countable noun and cannot serve as the adjective complement used here.
- 6. Correct threat collocation Original: it has a great threat to Suggested revision: it poses a serious threat to Why it matters: The standard collocation is 'pose a serious threat to'.
- 7. Use precise term Original: physical surroundings Suggested revision: the environment Why it matters: 'The environment' directly names the concept discussed in the essay.
- 8. Remove conflicting markers Original: At the outset, now Suggested revision: To begin with, Why it matters: Using both expressions together is redundant and disrupts the paragraph opening.
- 9. Punctuate linking adverb Original: Thus excessive Suggested revision: Thus, excessive Why it matters: A comma is needed after the sentence-opening linking adverb.
- 10. Use concise example marker Original: To exemplify it Suggested revision: For example Why it matters: This conventional connector introduces the example more directly.
- 11. Clarify intended meaning Original: made the masses extravagant Suggested revision: encouraged people to overspend Why it matters: The revision clearly expresses the effect of shopping apps on spending behaviour.
- 12. Correct verb pattern Original: purchasing Suggested revision: on Why it matters: Money is normally 'spent on' products rather than 'spent purchasing' them in this construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- Due to the burgeoning technology Due to technological advances
- earning resources sources of income
- escalated increased
- In From
- shopping habits can make them pauper shopping habits can impoverish them
- it has a great threat to it poses a serious threat to
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear negative position and supports it with two logically separated consequences, particularly overspending and environmental damage. However, some claims are exaggerated or only loosely supported, and recurring collocation and grammar errors weaken precision; the highest priority is to build each argument through realistic, carefully explained evidence while using more natural phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed through a consistent position and two extended reasons, though several supporting claims are overgeneralised or implausible.
Use realistic examples and explain the causal link between increased spending and each claimed consequence more carefully.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clear topic-based paragraphs, but some linking devices are repetitive or awkwardly placed.
Use fewer formulaic connectors and strengthen transitions by making the logical relationship between consecutive sentences explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonably wide topic vocabulary, but frequent unnatural collocations and word choices limit precision.
Choose natural phrases for income, poverty, consumer culture, and environmental harm rather than forcing less familiar vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, despite recurring errors with agreement, articles, tense, and clause construction.
Proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement and article use, especially in sentences containing complex noun phrases.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, people have more money to spend than they had earlier, due to which they are buying more and more things. Do you think it is a positive development or negative?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.