In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is argued that governments should levy a tariff on junk food because the number of health risks associated with consuming this kind of food is on the rise. This essay agrees that a higher rate of tax should be paid by fast-food companies. Firstly, alcohol and tobacco companies already pay higher taxes and secondly, higher taxes could raise prices and lower consumption. Higher excise on liqueur and cigarettes has proven to be successful at curbing the harm caused by these substances. This revenue has been used to treat health problems associated with these products and has proven useful in advertising campaigns warning people about the dangers of alcohol and tobacco abuse. Tax from fast food could be used in the same way. The United Kingdom is a prime example, where money from smokers is used to treat lung cancer and heart disease. Increasing taxes would raise prices and lower consumption. Fast food companies would pass on these taxes to consumers in the form of higher prices and this would lead to people not being able to afford junk food because it is too expensive. Junk food would soon become a luxury item and it would only be consumed occasionally, which would be less harmful to the general public’s health. For instance, the cost of organic food has proven prohibitively expensive for most people and that is why only a small percentage of the population buy it regularly. In conclusion, junk food should be taxed at a higher rate because of the good precedent set by alcohol and tobacco and the fact that the increased cost should reduce the amount of fast-food people buy.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the correct tax term Original: levy a tariff on junk food Suggested revision: impose a tax on junk food Why it matters: A tariff applies to imported goods, whereas the proposal concerns a domestic tax on fast food.
- 2. Complete the noun phrase Original: Higher excise Suggested revision: Higher excise taxes Why it matters: The countable noun “taxes” is needed to name the charges being compared.
- 3. Choose the intended noun Original: liqueur Suggested revision: liquor Why it matters: “Liquor” refers broadly to alcoholic drinks, while “liqueur” names a particular sweetened spirit.
- 4. Clarify how revenue helps Original: has proven useful in advertising campaigns Suggested revision: has also funded advertising campaigns Why it matters: The revision states the financial relationship between tax revenue and the campaigns more precisely.
- 5. Name the revenue precisely Original: Tax from fast food Suggested revision: Tax revenue from fast-food sales Why it matters: This wording identifies both the money raised and the activity being taxed.
- 6. Use the standard collocation Original: the general public’s health Suggested revision: public health Why it matters: “Public health” is the concise conventional term for the population’s health.
- 7. Use a direct form Original: has proven prohibitively expensive Suggested revision: is prohibitively expensive Why it matters: The simple present expresses the stated current condition more directly.
- 8. Remove the misleading hyphen Original: the amount of fast-food people buy Suggested revision: the amount of fast food people buy Why it matters: “Fast food” is the object of “buy,” so it should not be hyphenated as though it modified “people.”
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: This essay agrees that a higher rate of tax should be paid by fast-food companies. Suggested revision: This essay agrees that fast-food companies should pay a higher rate of tax. Why it matters: The active construction identifies the proposed taxpayer more directly.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Firstly, alcohol and tobacco companies already pay higher taxes and secondly, higher taxes could raise prices and lower consumption. Suggested revision: First, alcohol and tobacco companies already pay higher taxes; second, higher taxes could raise prices and lower consumption. Why it matters: Parallel markers and a semicolon separate the two reasons clearly.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Fast food companies would pass on these taxes to consumers in the form of higher prices and this would lead to people not being able to afford junk food because it is too expensive. Suggested revision: Fast-food companies would pass these taxes on to consumers through higher prices, making junk food less affordable. Why it matters: The rewrite removes repetition and expresses the same cause-and-effect relationship concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- levy a tariff on junk food impose a tax on junk food
- Higher excise Higher excise taxes
- liqueur liquor
- has proven useful in advertising campaigns has also funded advertising campaigns
- Tax from fast food Tax revenue from fast-food sales
- the general public’s health public health
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear position and develops two relevant reasons with strong logical progression and generally precise language. Its main limitation is that the organic-food comparison is only an indirect illustration of how higher prices affect fast-food consumption, while a few word choices are imprecise. A more directly evidenced example and tighter tax-related vocabulary would make the argument more compelling.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both reasons are relevant, extended, and supported.
Use a more direct example of a fast-food tax changing purchasing behaviour to strengthen the second argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from the thesis through two focused arguments to a concise conclusion.
Make the transition from the tobacco precedent to its application to fast food slightly more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and generally precise, with effective topic-specific phrasing despite a few imprecise choices.
Replace terms such as tariff and liqueur with the exact tax and tobacco-related vocabulary intended.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, with only minor lapses that do not impede meaning.
Refine punctuation and article use in the few densely coordinated sentences for even greater control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.