People who travel to another country to live, work or study for a period of time often suffer badly from homesickness. Why is it? What are the best ways to reduce this problem?
Sample Response
On the one hand, there are a couple of notable reasons for this staggering situation. Primarily, migrants do not have any previous experience withdrawing from their family members, friends, and loved ones. Furthermore, these hampered circumstances had created a dire situation in their life. For example, in their homeland, they are more dependent on their parents for their household chores and day-to-day activities. The paramount significance of this is that after migrating, they can cope with their activities individually. Secondly, another prominent cause is cultural shock between the two counties. It is clear that there is a huge difference between cultural, economic, social, historical, and eating habits. It will take ample time to transform one culture into another. Due to these rigorous reasons, individuals have to jeopardize their life and career overseas.
On the other hand, the possible solutions for these issues are not easily resolvable. Nevertheless, a few solutions can help them to reduce these abdominal circumstances. Initially, trying to migrate with family members will help them to diminish the distance between the individuals. Apart from this, try to visit family members at infrequent intervals. In addition, another practical solution is, being part of leading cultural-social activity clubs or programs. These activities help individuals to reduce the depth of homesickness. Moreover, these activities can help them to hang out with inland people. These are two immediate solutions for particular problems.
In conclusion, the prevailing circumstances are not unpopular in migrant’s life. Definitely, there are classical and attainable solutions for these dire conditions. However, it is advisable for the immigrants that try to curb homesickness and concentrate on other activities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove misleading contrast Original: On the one hand, there Suggested revision: There Why it matters: This opener does not introduce one side of a contrast because the next paragraph presents solutions rather than an opposing view.
- 2. Use accurate noun phrase Original: staggering situation Suggested revision: problem Why it matters: 'Staggering situation' is an unnatural description of homesickness.
- 3. Clarify separation Original: withdrawing from their family members Suggested revision: living away from their family members Why it matters: 'Withdrawing from' suggests deliberate social avoidance rather than geographical separation.
- 4. Remove incorrect adjective Original: these hampered circumstances Suggested revision: these circumstances Why it matters: 'Hampered' does not naturally modify 'circumstances' in this context.
- 5. Correct verb tense Original: had created Suggested revision: create Why it matters: The present simple is needed for a general cause rather than an earlier past event.
- 6. Use plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive subject 'their' requires 'lives' when referring to multiple migrants.
- 7. Clarify dependency Original: dependent on their parents for their household chores Suggested revision: dependent on their parents for help with household chores Why it matters: The original wording incorrectly suggests that the parents themselves are the chores.
- 8. Use logical signposting Original: The paramount significance of this is that Suggested revision: The result is that Why it matters: The original phrase is inflated and does not clearly signal a consequence.
- 9. Use standard term Original: cultural Suggested revision: culture Why it matters: 'Culture shock' is the established expression for difficulty adjusting to another culture.
- 10. Correct word choice Original: counties Suggested revision: countries Why it matters: 'Counties' are administrative regions, while the comparison concerns countries.
- 11. Choose suitable noun Original: rigorous reasons Suggested revision: factors Why it matters: 'Rigorous' describes thorough methods or standards and does not describe reasons here.
- 12. Express hardship accurately Original: jeopardize their life and career overseas Suggested revision: struggle with life and work overseas Why it matters: 'Jeopardize' means actively putting something at risk, which does not express the intended difficulty.
Suggested Rewrites
- On the one hand, there There
- staggering situation problem
- withdrawing from their family members living away from their family members
- these hampered circumstances these circumstances
- had created create
- life lives
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies several relevant causes of homesickness and groups possible solutions in a recognisable cause-and-solution structure. Its main weakness is that frequent inaccurate word choices and some contradictory or poorly explained claims make the reasoning difficult to follow and weaken otherwise relevant ideas. Prioritise selecting fewer, clearly valid points and explaining each one in straightforward, precise language with an explicit connection to homesickness.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed, but several causes and solutions are only partly developed, unclear, or questionable in their practical effect.
Explain two convincing causes and two workable solutions in detail, showing exactly how each one creates or reduces homesickness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The broad cause-and-solution grouping is clear, but mechanical linking, unclear referencing, and weak logical connections disrupt progression within paragraphs.
Use direct topic sentences and arrange each paragraph as one main idea followed by explanation and a clearly relevant result or example.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices such as abdominal circumstances and inland people obscure meaning.
Prefer accurate, familiar expressions such as difficult circumstances, local people, separation from family, and culture shock instead of forcing uncommon vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is some variety in sentence structure, but frequent errors in tense, articles, agreement, possessives, and clause construction reduce clarity.
Build clearer subject-verb clauses and systematically check tense consistency, articles, and singular-plural agreement after drafting.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People who travel to another country to live, work or study for a period of time often suffer badly from homesickness. Why is it? What are the best ways to reduce this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.