Some people think that people moving to a new country should accept new culture in the foreign country rather than living as a separate minority group with different lifestyle. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Today, with the passage of time each and every country is on the path of development, and with this development there is a growing trend of visiting different places in different countries. It is a highly debated issue whether immigrants should do and behave as the people of the host country or should they stick to their traditional lifestyle and live as a separate minority. It is necessary to look into pros and cons of both situations before forming an opinion.
There are many benefits of adopting host countries customs. Firstly, it decreases chances of misunderstanding and embarrassment. For e.g. in the UK it is offensive to ask about pay to anyone, which is common in India. Secondly, a nation’s customs and traditions are fascinating and offer a deep insight into that country. People move to other countries to broaden their horizon. So, if immigrants copy the customs of host country, they learn more about them and that too in an interesting way. Finally, visitors establish a rapport with local people because people feel respected when their customs are understood and imitated. They become a member of the host country and so they don’t suffer any culture shock.
On the other hand there are many advantages of making a minority group. If a person is from a country with strong and old traditions, it will be difficult for him to adapt to the new customs. He can’t break the old customs such as food habits and wearing certain types of clothes. In such cases if he retains his old customs and lives with his own community as a separate minority, he won’t suffer from homesickness.
On balance, I feel that someone who is moving to another country should respect the customs, culture, traditions etc. of that country. This is necessary because a newcomer is like a guest in someone else’s home. So he is expected to follow the rules of that country. However, it should not be obligatory for him to follow those customs and change himself altogether. As time passes and he gets to know the hosts better then he can decide if he wants to adopt any custom or stick to his own. After all being a cosmopolitan is the need of the hour.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, mutual understanding between both the visitor and the host is necessary to maintain harmony. A cosmopolitan society in which everyone is tolerant of each other’s customs and traditions is the need of the day. After all, today, we are part of a small global village and not a big planet Earth.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove awkward wording Original: do and behave as Suggested revision: behave like Why it matters: Behave like directly and naturally expresses imitation of the host population.
- 2. Use formal collocation Original: look into pros and cons Suggested revision: consider the pros and cons Why it matters: Consider the pros and cons is more precise and formal in an academic essay.
- 3. Add possessive marker Original: host countries customs Suggested revision: host countries' customs Why it matters: The plural possessive form shows that the customs belong to host countries.
- 4. Add definite article Original: decreases chances Suggested revision: reduces the chances Why it matters: The established construction is reduces the chances of something occurring.
- 5. Correct example marker Original: For e.g. in Suggested revision: For example, in Why it matters: For example should be written out and followed by a comma in formal prose.
- 6. Fix object order Original: ask about pay to anyone Suggested revision: ask anyone about their pay Why it matters: Ask takes the person as its direct object before the about-phrase.
- 7. Use plural noun Original: horizon Suggested revision: horizons Why it matters: The idiom is normally expressed with the plural noun horizons.
- 8. Add missing article Original: customs of host country Suggested revision: customs of the host country Why it matters: The singular countable phrase host country needs the definite article here.
- 9. Clarify reference Original: them and that too in an interesting way Suggested revision: the host society in an interesting way Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase removes the unclear pronoun and awkward expression that too.
- 10. Match plural subject Original: They become a member Suggested revision: They become members Why it matters: The plural subject they requires the plural complement members.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: don’t suffer any culture shock Suggested revision: are less likely to experience culture shock Why it matters: Experience culture shock is the natural collocation and avoids an unnecessarily absolute claim.
- 12. Add linking comma Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: On the other hand, Why it matters: A comma should follow this sentence-opening transition.
Suggested Rewrites
- do and behave as behave like
- look into pros and cons consider the pros and cons
- host countries customs host countries' customs
- decreases chances reduces the chances
- For e.g. in For example, in
- ask about pay to anyone ask anyone about their pay
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response offers a clear, nuanced position and supports it with a logically organized discussion of integration and cultural continuity. The main limitation is that some arguments become repetitive or rely on formulaic assertions, while recurring article, punctuation, and collocation errors reduce polish. The priority is to state the central judgement more concisely and refine language accuracy throughout the supporting examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A qualified position is clear, and both cultural adaptation and retaining traditions are relevantly discussed with generally developed support.
Tie each body paragraph more directly to the degree of agreement and avoid repeating the broad tolerance message in two conclusions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized into clear stages, although some sequencing language is mechanical and the final two paragraphs overlap in purpose.
Use one concise conclusion and create smoother logical links between the balanced discussion and the final judgement.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for culture and integration, but several imprecise collocations, clichés, and informal forms limit flexibility and precision.
Replace memorized expressions and vague verbs such as copy or make with precise academic language suited to cultural adaptation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates ideas clearly, though recurring article, possessive, punctuation, and clause-boundary errors remain noticeable.
Edit each noun phrase for articles and possessives, then check commas and conjunctions around subordinate clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that people moving to a new country should accept new culture in the foreign country rather than living as a separate minority group with different lifestyle. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.