Immigration has a major impact on society. What are the main reasons for immigration? What consequences can it have on people who migrate to other countries?
Sample Response
Immigration - a trend as old as human history itself, has always been a major phenomenon in society. People migrate for a variety of reasons including the expectations of a better education and career, to avoid political turmoil and war, and to be surrounded by a safety net of a developed society. Migration has both positive and negative results for people who migrate to a foreign land.
To begin with, the primary reasons for people to decide to migrate to other countries, the most obvious reasons are education and a better career. Millions of students get admitted to different foreign universities so that they can get a better education and have more demand in the job market. Similarly, thousands of skilled, semi-skilled and non-skilled people migrate to a country with a relatively stable economy with the hope to get a decent job and earn a better wage than what their homeland would probably have offered.
Moreover, political unrest, civil war and poor social safety net often force people to leave their own country and take shelter in a land that is completely foreign to them. For instance, thousands of people from Syria migrated to different European countries to avoid wars and casualties, and to be in a country that can offer them social safety.
Those immigrants get many benefits from migrating. For instance, they live in a better society, can avoid wars, and poor social and political conditions of their home country and get to blend in a developed country that has a better standard of life. For instance, many people who have fled the wartorn area of Iraq, Syria, Sudan or Afghanistan, have been accepted to live and work in developed countries like Germany and Poland, which have improved their livings standard and social security.
On the contrary, migrants may face some negative consequences as a result of their migration. Language and cultural barriers are perhaps the most dominant of them. After migrating to a new country, which is often quite a contrast from their country of origin, they find it difficult to communicate and blend into the host society. Consequently, they struggle to get a job and suffer from distress and depression.
In conclusion, migration has always been a part of our society and civilisation. It is expected that people would migrate on their will and not be forced to do so for events like wars. It is also expected that host countries would take more initiatives to reduce the negative experiences of those migrants.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Close parenthetical phrase Original: Immigration - a trend as old as human history itself, Suggested revision: Immigration—a trend as old as human history itself— Why it matters: Paired dashes correctly set off the parenthetical description.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: the expectations of a better education and career Suggested revision: the expectation of better education and career prospects Why it matters: The singular form and "career prospects" create a natural, precise expression.
- 3. Choose precise noun Original: results Suggested revision: consequences Why it matters: "Consequences" is more appropriate for the effects of migration on individuals.
- 4. Use formal passive Original: get admitted to different foreign universities Suggested revision: are admitted to various foreign universities Why it matters: The passive form is more concise and appropriate for formal academic prose.
- 5. Correct collocation Original: have more demand in the job market Suggested revision: be in greater demand in the job market Why it matters: People or qualifications are "in demand" rather than "having demand".
- 6. Correct preposition pattern Original: with the hope to get Suggested revision: in the hope of getting Why it matters: The standard pattern is "in the hope of" followed by a gerund.
- 7. Simplify tense Original: what their homeland would probably have offered Suggested revision: what they could earn in their homeland Why it matters: The revision removes an unnecessary perfect conditional and clarifies that the comparison concerns earnings.
- 8. Add article Original: and poor social safety net Suggested revision: and a poor social safety net Why it matters: The singular countable noun phrase requires an article.
- 9. Clarify risk Original: avoid wars and casualties Suggested revision: avoid war and the risk of casualties Why it matters: This wording more accurately expresses that people seek to avoid being casualties of war.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: safety Suggested revision: security Why it matters: "Social security" is the conventional phrase for protection provided by society or the state.
- 11. Correct noun form Original: their livings standard Suggested revision: their living standards Why it matters: "Living standard" uses the singular modifier "living," and the plural suits multiple people.
- 12. Fix reference Original: which have improved Suggested revision: thereby improving Why it matters: The revision prevents "which" from incorrectly appearing to refer to the countries.
Suggested Rewrites
- Immigration - a trend as old as human history itself, Immigration—a trend as old as human history itself—
- the expectations of a better education and career the expectation of better education and career prospects
- results consequences
- get admitted to different foreign universities are admitted to various foreign universities
- have more demand in the job market be in greater demand in the job market
- with the hope to get in the hope of getting
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response covers the principal motives for migration and develops both beneficial and adverse consequences with relevant explanation and examples. Its organisation is clear, but repeated exemplification and several awkward or inaccurate expressions weaken precision, while grammatical slips remain noticeable. The highest-priority improvement is to refine collocations and sentence control so that the well-developed content is expressed more naturally and concisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are fully addressed through several relevant, developed reasons and consequences supported by examples.
Make examples more concise and analyse their implications rather than repeating similar illustrations of conflict-driven migration.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced in focused paragraphs, with generally clear progression despite some repetitive linking and exemplification.
Vary transitions and consolidate overlapping examples to create a tighter progression between claims and supporting detail.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a good topic-specific range, but recurring awkward collocations and word-form choices limit precision.
Refine expressions such as employment demand, living standards, voluntary migration, and integration into a host society.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is used effectively, although agreement, article, punctuation, and sentence-construction errors remain noticeable.
Proofread complex sentences for complete clause structure, accurate agreement, and clearer control of embedded relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Immigration has a major impact on society. What are the main reasons for immigration? What consequences can it have on people who migrate to other countries?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.